SO SORRY

Gay Community Apologizes For Driving Anti-Gay GOP Amy Koch To Commit Adultery

Last Friday we all shared a tasty little slice of schadenfreude pie when anti-gay Minnesota Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch stepped down from her leadership position amid allegations of an extra-marital with Senate staffer. She and her Republican cronies put a constitutional amendment banning marriage equality on next year’s ballot, but sadly the threat of gay marriage has already undermined her traditional marriage by driving her to find comfort in between her colleague’s legs.

So on behalf of gays everywhere, John Medeiros wrote a letter apologizing to Koch for leading her marriage astray. You’ll want to read the entire thing, but here’s one of the most blistering parts:

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”

Yes, every time a gay wants to marry his or her partner, a straight person cheats on their spouse. Magical, isn’t it?