And suddenly, dying alone doesn’t sound half-bad. At all.
Because every moment in life deserves to go viral — from that last tremulous spoonful of cottage cheese to the lancing of a pernicious perirectal abscess — a gay couple has announced their breakup via rap video. The end result will bend your soul into the shape of a middle finger.
Related: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, Just Ask One Of These Guys
Unlike rational people in breakups, who simply scissor up one another’s clothes, max out credit cards, and drag names through the dirt until careers are destroyed, Blake and Jeremy –who want to be called “Blaremy,” in the hopes of inducing vomiting — have written, recorded, and shot a video to a rap song that tells you, the cowering viewer, why they decided to end things.
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The “song” tells the story of their seven years together. They met in an Arizona fraternity. They bought their first house when they were just 19. They worked together in real estate. But now they’re drifting apart — thank baby Jesus — because they have different priorities in life.
Set to the tune of Biz Markie’s deliberately aggravating “Just A Friend” from 1989, the song’s lyrical vision includes such couplets as “You wanna travel the world and have brunch in Brussels / I wanna settle down and put together some puzzles.”
Related: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, Just Ask One Of These Guys
Apparently, they’re going to remain good friends — even after their vexing relationship and their sole rap collaboration. Blake even says he’d give Jeremy “five stars if you were my UBER driver,” probably because he wants you to have a nervous breakdown.
If you need anything this afternoon, we’ll be relaxing in our luxurious Silkwood shower.
You can watch the video below. (Let us know how it turned out past 1:21):
Going out the only way we know how…The Official Blaremy Breakup Music Video
Posted by Jeremy Wetmore Spann on Sunday, June 11, 2017
h/t: Attitude
mattachinepodcast
NOPE.
ChrisK
Oh come on. You know you’d be rolling the windows down blasting that awesome rap for everyone to hear.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
Best rap song put out since Eminem got over his mommy issues. Just because all the competition was even worse.
CaliKyle
What the hell? Vomit-inducing? No. This was amusing and cute af. Far more entertaining and relatable than the Cazwell shite Queerty was pushing the other day.
asby
I bet they are exhausting to be around…I hope the next person they date doesn’t see this
Chris
The pictures of their wonderful times together are heart warming. But their having different life goals proved just too much for the relationship. How sad. And what a grown up way of ending things. ….. Catchy line: “You had what I needed.” I wish I could live another 50 years to see if, after their in-between relationships, they find one another again.