One twentysomething is seriously disillusioned with the gay dating scene. “Seriously, who said this sh*t was supposed to get better after high school?” he wrote in a recent Reddit post.
“Guys are f*cking cruel,” he added. “The first date goes swell, they talk a lot of sweetness to you about how cute you are. Some even blow up your phone texting you. And then there’s the inevitable flaked date (whether it’s 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc.) that leads to a ghost.”
He went on: “None of them are ever man enough to just tell you, ‘Hey, I think we should just see other people’ or something polite. Like, why are you even putting in the effort to text me if you’re just gonna ghost me anyways? Why waste your own time and mine like that?”
The Redditor lamented that none of his contemporaries want anything serious. “It’s really f*cking weird,” he wrote. “I guess everybody just wants to waste the prime of their lives mindlessly f*cking instead of building meaningful connections. It feels like if you aren’t into casual sex, then there is nothing to be gained but disappointment at this stage in life.”
Other Redditors could sympathize. “Dating gay men is like pulling teeth. Or not trying to scare away a deer,” said one.
And some said that dating in one’s 30s is just as hard, if not more. “If you think it’s gonna get better with age, I hate to be the bearer of bad news…” wrote one. Added another: “30 here. Dating is WAY harder now. I’m lucky if I even get a guy to say hello to me.”
“At least in your 20s, all the older guys want a piece,” one commenter mused. “In my 30s, you’re kind of in this ‘too old for older guys and not old enough for younger guys’ stage. Lame AF.”
Others had advice, though, like the guy who suggested leaving formal dates behind. “I had a great time meeting people through common friends, going out to parties/clubs, through common interest groups at uni, on gap year, travels, etc.”
Another dude advised not wasting one’s 20s — “or any phase of life” — looking for love. “Just meet guys to have fun and make friends, and maybe, eventually, you’ll get to meet someone that you like with similar interests and who enjoys spending a lot of time with you. In my experience, significant people come to your life when you’re not looking for it.”
Our two cents? We’re certainly not judging those who are more into lust than love. But if everyone could communicate their mindsets and their expectations with their matches — instead of ghosting or putting on pretenses — the dating scene wouldn’t be quite so miserable for this Redditor.