DOUCHE OF THE WEEK

Gay Florida Man Voluntarily “Changes” Sexuality After Same-Sex Marriage Gave Him “Major Headache”

florida-doucheThe former Iowa court clerk arrested for illegally issuing a marriage license to an out-of-state couple last October has pleaded guilty to charges of forgery and perjury. Brigitte Van Nice, 42, received a fine and suspended sentence on top of losing her job as a result of the debacle.

Late last year, Van Nice collected $150 from Florida man Joab Penney in exchange for faking a marriage certificate and forging the signatures of two witnesses. She was later arrested after an investigation found the two men had never set foot in Iowa, and the entire scheme was a loophole designed to marry a same-sex couple in a state where same-sex marriage is illegal.

This case is the first of its kind since Iowa became the first Midwestern state to legalize same-sex marriage in 2009.

Now seeking a divorce from his same-sex partner, Penney was advised by the Grundy County court to hire an attorney to petition the license, which technically was never valid.

“They found her guilty, but what I wanted—to have my marriage voided—didn’t happen,” he told The Associated Press. “Now I’m going to have to pay for voiding something that never even happened.”

Penney claims the last eight months have given him such a legal headache, he’s seeking a divorce because the situation has caused him to voluntarily change his sexuality. “I want to get married here to a woman, and I can’t,” he said. “It’s a major headache. I’ve changed my lifestyle because of all of this. It has offended me that much.”

Ha! Talk about “offensive”…

It’s one thing to claim you’re bisexual, questioning, or even experimenting, but claiming you’ve “changed your lifestyle” voluntarily is wildly irresponsible, especially when marriage equality has gained such great momentum recently.

You heard it clearly, folks! That’s one small step for a low-life douchebag, one giant leap backward for marriage equality.

[Photo: Facebook]

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24 Comments

  • ouragannyc

    He could be very confused.
    Some guys do want to “become str8” after failed gay relationships.

  • Sweet Boy

    He changed…from top to submissive bottom

  • jamezicarius

    Why would you waste time promoting this story? Best to ignore it for the stupidity that it is and, instead, report on something helpful.

  • bledoutcolor

    So in other words he is bisexual. Anyone with half a brain can see that. The rest are Republicans.

    I hate that things like this kinda make me resent bisexuals. I know its a generalization and unfair, but you cant help your feelings I suppose. You can only work to confront them with logic. This guy is a douchebag though, and he makes the entire bi community look had too which is sad since they have plenty of adversity to deal with anyway. Plus the obvious damage to fully gay people (who do indeed exist as much as some people would like everyone to believe everyone is bi) and even all monosexual people in general because of the insinuation that you can choose silly nilly who to he oriented towards.

    I hope his husband wins the divorce settlement and takes everything to his name. As far as I’m concerned he doesn’t deserve to ever be associated with the LGBTQIA community ever again.

  • iddles

    This seems a bit intrusive and unnecessary.

  • MK Ultra

    Oh gawd.
    Is this the new thing for low self- esteem trash to get its 15 minutes?
    “And for my next trick, I’ll pull my flacid penis out of this vagina!”

  • RevJim

    First of all, same gender marriage is NOT illegal in Florida; it simply is not legal yet. It is illegal to make a human right outright illegal; the government can only refuse to acknowledge the existence of a right (i.e. refuse to protect a right) or else create sly laws that circumvent the protecting of a right (as Florida has done). Sadly half of the State of Florida lives in the 21st century and the other half lives in the Dark Ages.

    As for the guy in this article, I’m content with my life and have no time or patience to waste on bafoons like this. May he lie in the bed he makes for himself and leave the rest of us out of it.

  • balehead

    This happens so often……

  • redrick30

    Whatever with that. He will return……

  • bledoutcolor

    @MK Ultra: That has to be the best comment ive ever read on Queerty. I loled so hard.

    Too bad actions like this cause harm to the entire gay community by bolstering the “choice” argument and lending credence to conversion therapy. In that sense its not funny at all, but your comment at least brought some comedy to a rather tragic statement.

  • gayjim1969

    If his st8 marriage lasts 6 months, without him crying for a divorce on the same grounds, I’ll kiss a used nuclear reactor core control rod.

  • Merv

    Wow, he sure threw the woman who did him a favor right under the bus. What an assh*le!

  • 2eo

    Joab B Penney
    43 NW 4th St
    Williston, FL 32696-2066

    Get in touch with this vile man here and tell him what you think.

  • Caleb in SC

    @2eo: We may not agree with people like this, but publishing someone’s personal information seems wildly intrusive and a breach of privacy, 2eo. If you are such a champion of righteousness, then why don’t you tell everyone your real name instead of using a pseudonym?

  • 2eo

    @Caleb in SC: It’s publically available information, found using a simple search, it is entirely legal, and absolutely not breaking a single data protection or privacy law applicable in the USA, the UK where I am or the EU.

    No thanks Caleb, I have enough trouble with death threats from Neo-Nazis as it is.

  • Dixie Rect

    This sounds like a bad Lifetime TV movie of the week starring Tori Spelling and Liz Vassey.

  • Charli Girl

    A lot of gay women and men sometimes in their lives wish they were str8’due to all the chaos and violence,and hate directed at us,but it will NEVER happen ,just as a str8 will never be gay…I’m not judging,I just don’t get bisexuality..How can you ever be happy with one gender? Aren’t you always looking at the other when you get pissed at the one your with?….just saying

  • Lefty

    What a wank-stain.

  • LaTeesha

    He be crazy. I thought crazy peeps couldn’t get married, anyway.

  • Cam

    Ohhhhh, so this was ALWAYS a set up for some right winger group to claim that people could change their sexuality.

  • seaki

    Dear Ex Gay Queer Person,…………………….:::side-eye, adjust wig:::

    Please shut the F*ck up and have several seats in the corner for a “Life Time Out”. I hereby ban you from all video cameras and microphones!!! FURTHEMORE to help you stick to your rather PUBLIC Proclamation of “No D*ck For Me Please” IF you even THINK of any DL activity with Randy or Julio down the street, I am going to wave my trusty wand and grant you irritable bowel syndrome and a anal wart the size of Rihanna’s forehead in broad daylight! Thank You so very much for FURTHER confusing these Repul-TURDS even more, gathering them into a lather much about NOTHING!

    You Drunk Ass Black Fairy God Mama,

    (Yes Bitch,……..you stuck with me, wether you ride the pole or not, so get used to it! ::::::burps, waves magic wand::::::

  • Niall

    Sounds like a new TLC show: “I Used to be Gay”

  • CreoClay

    Well he is wearing a fedora… I mean, should we really be that surprised?

  • Teleny

    He’s a very ignorant bisexual man. I put this wife to be. Doubtless he will get caught having a “wide stance@ or some other nonsense.

Comments are closed.