DOUCHE OF THE WEEK

Gay Florida Man Voluntarily “Changes” Sexuality After Same-Sex Marriage Gave Him “Major Headache”

florida-doucheThe former Iowa court clerk arrested for illegally issuing a marriage license to an out-of-state couple last October has pleaded guilty to charges of forgery and perjury. Brigitte Van Nice, 42, received a fine and suspended sentence on top of losing her job as a result of the debacle.

Late last year, Van Nice collected $150 from Florida man Joab Penney in exchange for faking a marriage certificate and forging the signatures of two witnesses. She was later arrested after an investigation found the two men had never set foot in Iowa, and the entire scheme was a loophole designed to marry a same-sex couple in a state where same-sex marriage is illegal.

This case is the first of its kind since Iowa became the first Midwestern state to legalize same-sex marriage in 2009.

Now seeking a divorce from his same-sex partner, Penney was advised by the Grundy County court to hire an attorney to petition the license, which technically was never valid.

“They found her guilty, but what I wanted—to have my marriage voided—didn’t happen,” he told The Associated Press. “Now I’m going to have to pay for voiding something that never even happened.”

Penney claims the last eight months have given him such a legal headache, he’s seeking a divorce because the situation has caused him to voluntarily change his sexuality. “I want to get married here to a woman, and I can’t,” he said. “It’s a major headache. I’ve changed my lifestyle because of all of this. It has offended me that much.”

Ha! Talk about “offensive”…

It’s one thing to claim you’re bisexual, questioning, or even experimenting, but claiming you’ve “changed your lifestyle” voluntarily is wildly irresponsible, especially when marriage equality has gained such great momentum recently.

You heard it clearly, folks! That’s one small step for a low-life douchebag, one giant leap backward for marriage equality.

[Photo: Facebook]