no rules

Do some gay folk marry so their straight peers will see them as “normal”?

Figures on a gay wedding cake
(Photo: Shutterstock)

The latest video from LA-based, YouTube comic Michael Henry has prompted a large amount of debate around “heteronormative” relationships and why some same-sex couples choose to marry.

In the sketch, a pal informs Michael that two of their mutual acquaintances are going to wed.

Michael is shocked: one of the friends in question only came out as gay a couple of years previously. Both Michael and his pal have been out for years but neither are anywhere near getting married or even sure if they want to be.

Related: This is how Michael Henry’s dad reacted when he came out as gay

This leads Michael to suggest that people who come out later in life seem more likely to rush into adopting a heteronormative relationship as it’s something they’re more used to.

He also wonders why society pressures everyone—gay and straight—to adopt the same sort of relationship template.

When his friend tells him he lies to his parents so they don’t know about his sex life, Michael admits, “I lie or don’t tell the full truth about my gay romantic life to my straight friends too because I’m too afraid it’s gonna sound too different to theirs, and I don’t want to be made to feel I’m living some sort of abnormal life.”

Michael and his friend conclude that some gay people want to settle in monogamous relationships, while others want “multiple dicks at 1am.” And neither should be considered more normal or better than the other.

Related: WATCH: How often does a bottom need to top to call himself versatile?

The video has prompted many comments.

“I have always felt that the best thing about being gay is that we get to create/define our own unique relationships,” said @GrightRight. “Mine isn’t the hetero one you describe here or this one gay example. But it is mine and I love that I can be me, and as different as I want to be.”

“Does doing something that the majority of people do automatically make it heteronormative, simply because most people are straight?”, asked @Philigan87, who says he and his other half are on the house and marriage route. “But when can we, as queer people, take ownership of that lifestyle? When will it cease to be the sole property of straight society?”

Sebastian F raised a different, if not rather depressing, point. “I do agree that there’s pressure to get married and have children. Yes, because of heteronormativity. But, also for pragmatic reasons. I feel as though society (at least American society) prioritizes marriage simply because our social welfare system doesn’t offer adequate healthcare and even care for the elderly.”

Another YouTuber, Fernando’s Drum, offered a relatable comment: “My mother always asks me: ‘Have you been on any dates recently? Met any nice guys’?…but I don’t have the heart to tell her about the hundreds of anonymous hookups I’ve been getting haha so I just answer ‘No’…which makes her think I must be lonely…but I’m very satisfied getting my faceless loads, and not having a boyfriend. But it’s hard to explain that to straight people!”

Do you feel pressure to lie to straight people, or even other LGBTQ people, about your romantic life because you don’t want them to judge you?