Short answer: not much.
A Reddit user who goes by the name IDontWantToGiveItUp has posted to an advice sub with his seriously first-world problem.
After winning a huge lottery jackpot, he isn’t sure how much of his hard-won cash his parents, who essentially shunned him for being gay as an adolescent, deserve to see.
He writes:
How about we take this to the next level?
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Hey everyone, I’m was told that I should bring my problem to reddit to see what people have to say. But before I do, I feel the need to say that I know it’s a privileged problem to have and I’m not falling all over the place in tears about it. It’s just emotionally weighing on me.
So! I’m a 29yr old guy and I won the lottery. And it’s enough that I don’t have to work ever again if I don’t want too (over 15m). My plans are to take some finance/business courses over a period of time so I can be smart about investments and be responsible with the money. I am terrible at money management. I want to turn it into more money and hopefully get involved in charity. Altruistic I know, but I have always volunteered and it’s part of me.
My problem? My family, mainly my parents, feel they are entitled to 1/4 of the amount. I offered to pay off their mortgages and give them a little sum but that’s not good enough once they found the total amount. My family and I have a cordial relationship but I moved an hour away to get away from my oppressive mother and distant father. My sisters are nice people but we don’t really have a relationship. The definition of distant white middle class family. Boohoo, I know.
When it comes down to it, I don’t feel like they are entitled to anything and I’m being as generous as I can be (which I never said to them, but retrospectively I guess it’s implied). The conversation got ugly and when my mom said, “we raised you”, I immediately thought about how both my parents didn’t talk to me for 5yrs (ages 15-20), when they found out I was gay. And I almost failed highschool because of it. Is that raising someone? Obviously I have hangups.
How do I explain to them what my plans are again and how it doesn’t involve them? Should I speak to a lawyer about it just in case? I can’t see them suing but money makes people do dumb things. I don’t want to ruin the relationships but I feel like the damage is done. I feel like a lot of people are going to say “Fuck them”.
Many echoed the “fuck them” mentality, citing the borderline child abuse in his formative teenage years.
Related: $590 Million Lottery Winner Will Share Massive Winnings Exclusively With Gay Son
One commenter had a much more practical suggestion:
Here is my suggestion: figure out how much it cost to raise you from birth to 15 eg room, food, clothes, health care, school fees, etc. Come up with an amount. Take said amount and donate 10 percent to your favorite charity in their name (they get the tax break), take the rest and put it in a trust that they get when they reach retirement age. They took care of you before you could work, so take care of them after they can’t. Of course speak to an attorney about this.
I agree with most other comments that your parents aren’t great but they are still your parents.
You have a full life ahead of you with one of life’s major concerns taken care of. Enjoy your life, do the things that you love, and be inspirational. I now have to go buy a lottery ticket.
What advice would you give him?
Luis Collazo
Don’t give them shit!
Stephen Meeks
No one is “entitled” to anything. It’s his money…period.
Lester Louie
They don’t deserve anything. They’re lucky you’re willing to pay off their mortgage. That’s more than enough.
Sidney DaviesWinter
None! Ha
deep5
Yes, for sure, fuck those miserable bastard. I had to deal with a similar issue. They deserve nothing.
Minyassa
I mostly agree with the practical commentator. I would total up everything that they’ve paid financially for him until he left home, and just give it to them. No charity donation (because that’s his thing, not theirs, and it will give them an excuse to continue to whine at him). No trust fund because again, excuses to whine at him and/or continue contact to pester him to change it. Just flat out pay them off to go away. They may be his parents but they are not his family if they are not the ones who love him.
AxelDC
Your parents are entitled to nothing. If you want to give them a gift, it is more than they deserve.
AtticusBennett
tell them there’s a sum of money they’ll get only after they complete 5 years of pro-LGBT activism and advocacy.
AxelDC
@Minyassa: You don’t owe your parents for raising you. They chose to have children. You did not chose to be their children.
If they reject you for being gay, then they lose all claims to you. To abandon a minor child is crime. Don’t reward their criminal behavior with cash.
They sound like the Thénardiers, whining about how hard raising a child is and expecting monetary compensation. If your relatives only want you after you win money, then they don’t deserve anything from you.
M K
Should have just not told them.
oldman57
nobody is entitled to anything but you, you have clearly a conscience or you wouldn’t be asking…………..but to me people who say they are entitled to anything after shunning you ……………well maybe what your heart feels is appropriate if anything……..family or not……..if they didn’t and don’t accept you except for money………that’s not family……..it’s pretty much emotional blackmail ……..I know my parents (now gone) wouldn’t ask for a thing……….but would have got everything…….because they were humble……..
Luis Diaz
Didly squat.
skyeyes
They aren’t *entitled* to shit. They’re still trying to manipulate him even into his late 20s and 30s.
archiesdaddy2011
Hello? Is this for real? I was brought up in an untra-conservative Catholic family that not only did not refuse to talk to me when I told them what I was but my family rallied to and around me in an entirely protective and nurturing manner that did not surprise me one bit because we had always been told to be what we were, not what others wanted us to be.
This boy’s parents deserve nothing. Forget all that ‘we raised you’ crap – did you ask to be born to your bigoted arseholes of parents or did you just come out of your mother’s vagina without your having been consulted, at all? If those bigoted pigs did not talk to you for five years I would try hard to forgive them but I’d be inclined to be suggesting their best way of getting anything from me would be for them regularly and frequently to kiss my arse. You had five years of shit from them, right? Forgive them – it is the allegedly Christian thing to do, after all – but although I would save them from penury and food stamps they would have far more chance of ramming a pound of the very best Normandy butter up a wildcat’s arse with a red hot poker than they would of persuading me to give them one penny more than they really need.
rextrek
well I think I’d give them JACK SHIT….and shoved in it! Tellm to go pray for it……..Fuck’m – YOU OWE THEM NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Matthew
It was their decision to have children and consequently their responsibility to pay for every childhood expense. They are not entitled to any part of their son’s lottery win. If they shunned him as an adolescent their is a very good chance that they have excluded him from their wills. If that is in fact the case, he should not consider the matter further.
If he chooses to be generous, that is his choice, but I would counsel against it. My siblings and I regularly remind our parents that their nest egg is their money, which they earned and they are free to spend it as they wish. I also have a brother who had a windfall of several million from a real estate deal, no one in our family, least of all my parents put their hand out.
My advice – invest it for your future, you have no obligations to your parents or sisters. If you get married in the future, ask your spouse to sign a prenup.
Nahald
Are you NUTS ? Plain crazy ? Or just an imbecile ? Want to help someone then donate it to your fav cause, not to some homphobes who don’t deserve a red cent !
DDstar1me
I say, do what your heart tells you to do. Honestly, at the end of the day you have to look within yourself regardless of what people suggest. As long as your heart is full of happiness and you have no regrets? Then you should do whatever you feel is best dude.
Jesus, money can truly bring out the worse in people.
Steve Russell
Give them a dollar each. Then they can’t say he didn’t share his winnings with them.
SteveWVNYC
He owes them nothing. But, being a good son, even if they were not good parents, he could do as suggested and set up a trust fund for their retirement years.
But, he should not be blackmailed into giving them a settlement of any kind just because they demand it.
Tommy Ogletree
They get nothing. Put them out of your life forever and let them live in their hate.
Bob LaBlah
Some thing doesn’t look nor sound right about this. Since when are the winners of lotteries allowed to go anonymous? It is public information across the entire country as to who won what and how much. So why all the secrecy? No city, nor state? Ok, I will go along with a name being omitted but not a city or state. Sorry, I don’t believe it.
Michael Claypoole
That’s great for him and his parents shouldn’t get any of it.
glennmcbride
Talk to a good attorney and an accountant first to help you manage your money. Many people that have this type of windfall end up broke in a few years. You don’t owe your parents anything; I do like the idea of donating the amount plus interest that they spent on you to a charity for LGBTQ young people that become homeless because of a family that rejects them. If they are remorseful about their treatment of you and If you feel particularly generous, set up a trust that pays them a weekly amount after retirement. I don’t think people should be rewarded when they did not do the right thing when they had the opportunity. Without remorse there is no forgiveness. An expensive lifestyle is not as rewarding as living a life dedicated to making the world a better place.
GayEGO
Do what you believe is the right thing to do. Personally, I would not reward them for their discrimination against you because it sends the message that it is OK for them to treat you that way. You could donate whatever you believe is appropriate to an LGBT organization in their behalf. My lifetime partner of 53 years, married 11 years, are now both retired and living the American dream. We agreed in the beginning that there would be no money issues and everything was put in joint accounts. Our families have always been loving and inclusive, so when both of us have passed away, whatever is left is divided equally to our family.
Wayne_in_NYC
The only thing that I can do would be to ask myself what I would do in the same situation. My brother not only refused to accept me when I came out, but did his damnedest to turn our parents against me, telling them all kinds of homophobic lies to manipulate them to follow his lead and turn their backs on me . Lucky for me they didn’t listen to him and were very supportive up to the days they died! Even then he took me to court to try to get inheritance that had been left to me out of my pocket and into his. If I won the lottery, he would be the last person on earth that would see a single cent of it! They owed him their unconditional love, acceptance, and support when he came out at age 15. They gave him nothing. That’s what he should give them back! Send them a ledger accounting page marked “Account Paid in Full!”
schwma
Family dynamics are complicated of course, but I strongly disagree with the whole “they’re your parents” thing. Yes, they are; however, they couldn’t give a shit about you and hate that you’re gay. So much so that they shunned you and didn’t speak to you for five of your most formative years. That’s major trauma. And those hangups can last a lifetime. Why don’t you do what they did to you. Shun them for five years and see what happens. You might get married and need the money for YOUR family. So no trust fund, not a dime. Be “cordial” but your money is your money.
At its core, they don’t accept who you are.
JPinNC
Set up a small trust that will pay them a monthly stipend to which YOU feel they are entitled. They turned down the offer to pay their house off, too bad. Give them enough to cover their mortgage amount and electricity. I understand they didn’t speak to you and now have all sort of things to say wanting 1/4 of your winnings. No. those winning are for you. What you do out of kindness is up to you.
Nathaniel McManus
You didn’t ask to be born! That’s their fault…
Gaymikey1960
Yes it is his money and if his family was not loving enough, or good parents to their son he don’t owe them a dime! I have an older brother who has threatened to kill me if he ever gets the chance to catch me alone, if i won that much money i know he would come begging for money. My words to him would be F**K off, and never contact me again! Now this young mans family shunned him when he came out, basically hating their own son! i say he should tell his parents to shove off, because they caused the rift between them and his family because of their bigotry!
Does he owe them anything for raising him? HE** no he don’t because he did not ask to be born and that was his parents obligation to to raise him, his parents were the ones to “Do the dirty” and get pregnant with him and carry him to term until he was born then raised him until he came out to them then they shunned him! his orientation is and never was a choice but their treatment of their son was the choice they made willingly!
I think the guy should keep the money and do what he is setting out to do to take money management so he will be responsible with what he has won, it is his money and not theirs! if they won the lottery would they share it with him?!? I highly doubt it but would most likely blow it altogether!
Gaymikey1960
Don’t pay the parents for being bigots that would be telling them its okay to be jerks to him!
Aromaeus
Give whatever you feel is appropriate even if that is nothing. Don’t let them try to manipulate you or guilt you into sharing your wealth. The “we raised you” bit doesn’t play when the alternative was going to jail for child neglect/abuse so yeah. Personally I’d pay off their house and a few bills than call it even steven. They can use the money they save for retirement.
Musk
Give them $25,000 [or whatever figure you decide on] in cash and see how they respond. If they have a fit, ask for the money back, then see how they respond. If they have another fit, head for the door with the money. They will have just proven to you that they don’t deserve any of it.
nitejonboy
Parent’s don’t raise children with the expectation of being paid back someday, this situation should be no different. They aren’t owed anything.Having a successful, loving child should be reward enough for them knowing they did their job as parents.
Andrew Button
They should consider themselves lucky he’d give them any money as they don’t deserve any
dbg2002
@AxelDC: You’re response is ethically, morally, legally, & psychologically right on the money!
entfisher
I agree
Markajv
This is tough decision because I feel if he doesn’t give anything to them he MAY have to live with guilt. That’s what he has to think about. I am sort of on the side of the commenter that gave the Practical advice. The reason being is he still see’s his parents and his sisters. So they are in his life, if just in a small way. If his parents had kicked him to the curb at 15 and he never heard from them again, then yes, I would say “Fuck Them”
Marky
The practical suggestion mentioned at the end of the article is GOLD. Pay them for services rendered, but lock it in a trust so they don’t screw it up. Priceless.
entfisher
If that situation was turned around, and they won the money, I am pretty sure you would not get a dime.
paul dorian lord fredine
@Bob LaBlah: MOST states not all. there are five (n. dakota, delaware, kansas, maryland and ohio) that allow winners to remain anonymous and many states are trying to pass bills allowing the same out of concern for the safety of the winners, particularly those of large jackpots.
jfabz
Currently six states — Delaware, Kansas, Maryland, North Dakota, Ohio and South Carolina — allow lottery winners to remain anonymous. And four more — Colorado, Connecticut, Vermont and Massachusetts — allow anonymity if the winners claim their winnings through a trust.
scotshot
If I were in the same position I’d set up a small irrevocable trust with X dollars in it with the stipulation that the balance is donated to a charity of my choice when they pass.
Josh447
My take to parents demanding YOUR dollars: “if and when I decide to give you any cash at all from any part of my estate or MY good fortune, you’ll be the first to know. Now, pass the butter please.”
Be careful you are not feeling guilty for being gay and disappointing your parents and the need to pay off your parents for it, and the stresses it causes in some lives. Their crap is theirs. Their Shame is not your responsibility. You don’t “owe” them a dime. I’d be saying “how dare you guilt-hit me up like that!”
haroldhughes
NOT. A. PENNY>
Rimmington
$0.00
Melissa Michelle White
Why do they feel they are entitled to anything? I would not give them a dime.
Larry Belusko
NOTHING ……
OzJosh
Parents who reject their children abrogate the most basic responsibility they have as parents. They therefore have no claim to any of the rights or privileges that might otherwise come with being parents. The suggestion that this guy repay the costs they incurred raising him is a good one. I would be more inclined to make a donation in their name to an organisation that cared for homeless gay teens.
truth_bomb
There are some opportunities here….for example there is the chance for you to be the “bigger” person.
In that sort of situation you could give them some money initially just to celebrate the win. Then let them know you are seeking financial guidance about what kind of lifestyle you can now afford so you don’t deplete your principle as you go forward.
Then I would consider what your life might have been like if when they “found out” that you were raised in a way that let you date at 15 and have all the privileges and responsibilities the same as if you were dating the “opposite sex”.
Because realistically your going to have to figure that emotional loss into how big you want to become in relation to your parents.
Lastly if you really want to be free of any lingering hurt down the line if you can help one guy get free who’s in a situation like you found yourself in just that can make a great deal of the hurt go away.
Your parents may hate you for being big hearted about this and may never accept your partner and you have to prepare yourself for those possibilities no matter what you decide.
charlie_jackpot
Thing is at that level of winnings, you could afford to give them a million each and you’d really not notice the difference, but they would, that amount could change their lives
It could be the parting you deserve
truth_bomb
what I meant was:
Then I would consider what your life might have been like if when they “found out” and they let you date at 15 and have all the privileges and responsibilities the same as if you were dating the “opposite sex”.
Vanessa Forbes
His ticket. His money. Live your life. Happy for him.
Zombie_Killer
I believe that what you thought was an acceptable settlement by paying off their mortgage and a bit for their retirement is being very generous since you were outcast by them from 15 to 20 years old and I would bet the relationship you have with them is less than warm and filled with total acceptance. I would let them have a choice to accept your gift or go with nothing and take the money you would have given to them and make a contribution to your local PFLAG organization.
As to what else to do with your windfall is completely your to use as you see fit, nobody has a right to tell you hown to spend it and have fun with all that you do.
God bless.
Fern8783
This is stupid; it’s none of your concern how much his parents get. I hate how this site posts articles like 16 year old gay in high school; get a life. How about more important articles Perez Hilton.
Cam
Tell the parents and the sisters, that if they volunteer at a charity for homeless gay teens at least twice a week for a year you will give them each a certain amount of money, but only after the head of the charity verifies that they were good volunteers.
They refused to deal with you when you came out, poetic justice to force them to deal with a whole bunch of “Gay” with a generous helping of Lesbian, Bi, and Trans thrown in for good measure. lol
stevebond
Very simple. Look at their will (before they heard this great news) and check to see how much of their estate (in percentages) they planned on leaving you. Then match it. GULP.
Lazycrockett
Well I will give it to the parents, they aren’t even trying to BS the son with kindness or love, just give us the money. What a hell of a family that must have been growing up in. Gay or Straight.
Stephen Mole
Nobody owes anything to parents. Nobody asked to be born. People have babies for themselves, not for their children. Procreation in humans is an ego centred action.
Mack
First off, as far as “raising you”, they brought you into the world and it became their responsibility to raise you, they didn’t do you any favors. Secondly, I would say pay off their mortgage and some cash (maybe $100,000) and that’s it. If you have any younger brothers or sisters at home maybe pay for their college education but not necessary. Taking some courses is a great idea.
D P
I agree with the practical commenter. No, I don’t believe that he is legally bound to give them or any of his other relatives ANYTHING, but he certainly cannot be faulted if he were to give a proportional reciprocation, like the commenter suggests.
That was what came to my mind as I was reading further along, but the practical commenter has a better structuring and accounting for taxes than I’d thought of.
dubstepskater
I wouldn’t give them nothing…. No wait, even better… Give them 25¢ and tell them to call someone who cares…. They aren’t entitled to anything. I can’t believe parents feel like they are entitled to compensation for being a parent…
I’ve had a similar experience… I inherited $250,000 from a family member a few years ago. (Yes, I know it’s not anywhere close to 15 million, but not too shabby for a 23 y/o… Lol) Well, my dad (who, when I came out of the closet @16y/o, would constantly hit me and eventually kicked me out @18) calls me up and apologizes “for being a little too strict” on me and that he loves me… HA!!!! I told him that he wasn’t strict, but abusive… He tried to tell me that he feels bad about the whole situation and that he doesn’t care if I’m gay or not, that he loves me… I almost bought his story until he mentioned that he was having some car problems and that I should give him the money to fix it… I told him that I had bought me a 2012 corvette and took me and three of my friends on a 2-week vacay to Key West and that the rest of the money (about $98,000) was going to stay in the bank in case of an emergency. (I’m wanting to get out of this apartment and get a house). That’s when he showed his true colors… He spewed such vile words that even the most vulgar sailor would be shocked… Not only did he resort to petty name calling, he said he hopes I get AIDS and they find me laying in a ditch with my throat cut… Wow, my “sperm donor” says such nice things… I should’ve sent him a Father’s Day card, but oh wait, I could find better things to spend my $$$ on…. like a Big Mac meal….
*Moral of the story…. He only wanted me in his life when I had $$$… My philosophy is… If people ain’t in your life during the lows, they definitely don’t belong in your life during the highs….
Glücklich
Net of taxes it’d be, like, $7 mil.
Regardless, to outright ask for money because they “raised” him is the absolute HEIGHT of tackiness and a total lack of…
Y’know, I just don’t have the words. The fucking CHEEK of it boggles the mind!
FamilyinTex
@Stephen Meeks: Legally he owes them nothing. Morally he owes them nothing either. I’m not sure I understand where they think they are entitled to any of it. It seems they just came of of the woodwork because of this big windfall – I imagine they aren’t expecting him to tithe a portion of his paycheck to them every month, right? So why would this money be any different?
He should quote to his parents the impassioned speech Sydney Poitier gave to his character’s father in “Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner”:
“You tell me what rights I’ve got or haven’t got, and what I owe to you for what you’ve done for me. Let me tell you something. I owe you nothing! If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you were supposed to do because you brought me into this world, and from that day you owed me everything you could ever do for me, like I will owe my son if I ever have another. But you don’t own me! You can’t tell me when or where I’m out of line, or try to get me to live my life according to your rules.”
Bauhaus
@Glücklich:
… decency.
A child brought up in a loving, accepting home wouldn’t have this quandary. He’d have no hesitation in sharing his fortune with his parents.
Bob LaBlah
Here is the cheapest (least) thing he “could” do; if the parents house is paid for, then put a ten thousand dollar credit on both the gas and electric bill and pay their personal property taxes for the next four or five years. If not that then give them a prepaid credit card of about ten thousand dollars so that they can pay for groceries and gasoline for the next two or three years. Make sure they know it is for a specified time and that it is not going to be renewed. Suggest strongly that they save as much of the money one way or the other as they can.
I have no problem telling the world that were my parents still alive I would have a very hard time simply handing over one dime in terms of support without thinking back to the days when I knew I could NEVER count on them for support for ANYTHING. It would be more of me saying to myself “look, you just won $15 million dollars. You are now older than they were when you got slighted by them but you are bigger than that. At least you can say you TRIED to put it behind you.” At least thats how I would look at it.
Jonathan Santos
Tell them is gay money so he can’t share it with them
silveroracle
I would follow the commentators suggestion because you don’t want to sink to the same level as them.
I would definitely seek the lawyers advice, just in case.
Steve
They deserve nothing
Patrick Cremeans
NONE.
Glücklich
@Bauhaus:
Had I been in his shoes I’d have offered the parents a million…Zimbabwean dollars.
(The exchange rate at the time the ZWD was demonetized was ZWD 35 *quadrillion* to USD 1.)
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-06-11/zimbabwe-officially-removes-local-currency-from-circulation
Brettly43
We are brought into this world by our parents, not by our choice, it is up to them to food, clothe, and put roofs over our heads until we are able to leave the nest, that does not mean that we have to in turn have to give up our money to take care of people who treat us badly by the choice god has made, if they are homophobic, i say they deserve nothing, get a lawyer and let them sue, parents are not entitled to our money, it’s ours, we earned it, just like our parents have said we are not entitled to their money, they earned it, a lottery win is the same thing,
GTT
Atticus nailed it again – I would add that the parents should work for a gay youth organization.
It’s difficult to believe that they are demanding money in the first place though. They are not entitled to anything.
Cagnazzo82
It is truly audacious for them to even be demanding anything. That takes some moxy.
vonric
the parents are displaying their true colors by noting that 25% is “fair”……that indicates that the cold, judgmental and self-centered thought process that was embedded in their rude “parenting” in this man’s youth is still very much present, and whatever “healing” that has been achieved around gender orientation issues is still subject to $$$$$$$
The original impulse, to pay off the mortgage and throw in some cash, is more than generous…
An alternative suggested by another poster is an irrevocable trust, which would provide them with income from the trust until their death, at which point, the residual heir comes into play… perhaps a gay charity, indeed..
First, they are “entitled” to nada, zip, zero….. whatever he provides is a gift, and a gift from the heart, under the circumstances. with that in mind, I would suggest that his prime impulses… education pertinent to financial management and a certain exercise of prudence…. along with balanced charity – is a great, fantastic game plan. I suggest he implement that, then tell his parents that they can revisit the issue of what they”deserve” after a five-year period of time in which the issue is not discuss-able.. Then, he needs to stick to his guns.
Streamciter
No, he doesn’t owe his abusive, homophobic parents anything at all. And his parents chose to have children, and take on all the expenses associated with that, he isn’t obligated to pay them back for that or calculate those expenses. The commentator is not “practical,” but moralistic. He didn’t ask to be born, or to be abused by these people. Also, they have no grounds on which they could possibly win a lawsuit against him.
pattygale
I like someone’s idea about setting aside, if you wish, a certain amount that they will get after 5 years of participation in LGBT activities. I’m big on learning and consequences, that is different from revenge.
NoCagada
Are they FOX watching republican always complaining about “those people and their sense of entitlement? ?
Ron Jackson
More BS reddit clickbait
1EqualityUSA
buy the houses on either side of them and open up living quarters for queer homeless youth, who love rainbow everything.
Lucas Friend Barszcz
Hopefully nothing.
Arthur Saavedra
They are entitled to nothing. It’s your money
tricky ricky
the greedy bastards don’t deserve a plug nickel.
Bob LaBlah
@1EqualityUSA: “buy the houses on either side of them and open up living quarters for queer homeless youth, who love rainbow everything.”
I had a few ex-bosses and coworkers I would LOVE to do that do. I still have dreams of having hit a one billion dollar lottery and pouring pig shit from my hotel balcony on all who stood below begging this “faggot” for money. Yes, thats just how bad I hated a few of those assholes. Especially that humorless blob of a human being I worked for in California back in 1984 at the phone company.
Will Glitzern
All he has to do is figure out how much he wants to do with them for the rest of his life.
Alistair Wiseman
The compassion, generosity and selflessness of the Left always amazes me.
Roan
1) Write a will. If you should die, guess what. Mommie Dearest and Daddy Distant get it all.
2) Write a healthcare POA, a financial POA and a Living Will. Guess what? If you are incapacitated Mommie Dearest and Daddie Distant get to make medical decisions for you.
3) Find a good doctor and buy good health insurance.
4) Set up your burial arrangements with a prepaid funeral. Guess what? Mommie Dearest and Daddy Distant will get to bury you and make those choices as well.
5) Deposit all the above documents in a safe deposit box with your attorney’s knowledge and access. Use your attorney on all “who to contact ICE” forms. Take the Healthcare POA and Living Will with you when you travel.
6) Have your attorney send MD and DD a cease and desist from further communications letter.
7) Pay off their mortgage with the assistance of your attorney, they will take a huge tax hit, because the payoff is essentially treated like income.
8) If your siblings have children, set up college education trust funds.
9) Move away, protect yourself through your attorney.
10) Enjoy your life, get some counseling, find a partner or a BF, do your charity work and philanthropy, take your classes and get a hobby. Travel around the world with a trusted friend. Make a bucket list and fulfill it.
11) Settle in a beautiful place and live modestly, with a modest house and modest car, but eat out and tip well. Don’t be flashy and install a good security and camera system in your house and a safe. Consider a panic room. Have your attorney set this up. Don’t just get some rube from the yellow pages who will sell your info to a gang of thugs.
12) Don’t isolate yourself, but be wary of people who want to be your friends and who may take advantage of you. Don’t be naive. Oprah is rich and she stays that way by not giving away money to every sad story who asks for it.
13) Get a dog. It will love you unconditionally.
14) Don’t carry cash. Use credit, but pay your bills every month. Don’t give your money away in interest. A reputable financial adviser can do this for you. Stay involved in your financial management and don’t allow them to think you’re not checking up, reviewing statements and tracking where the money goes.
15) Be happy.
Jory Adamson
He could make a donation to a youth LGBTQ in his parents name
Roan
I mean to add this: to all the people saying he should get revenge, pull some stunt to torture his parents, etc. NO. Do not put that karma and that energy out there. You will get it back. That’s what the counseling is for. To help you get over it and move on. The best thing for them will be to see you happy and know you are enjoying your life and there’s not a damn thing they can do to destroy it.
Kevin J Desmond
They’re not entitled to anything, he’s over 18 and living in his own home with no help from them. They deserve NOTHING !!!!
martinbakman
If his parents cut him off at age 15 and he has no relationship with his sisters then telling them he won this money seems a little twisted, almost as if he wants to taunt them, although he claims to be sensitive about doing the right thing. I don’t believe he is being totally honest with himself or Reddit. If I were him I would immediately stop telling people about winning 15 million.
He admits not knowing how to manage money. He sounds like a good candidate to lose all of it unless he comes across a good handler that is honest and careful.
George Martinez
No matter what he does, he should make sure that his will indicates that upon his death, nobody from his family gets his money.
dustashed
Wow. I guess this really is how western minds work.
If it was me, i’d just give them whatever i feel comfortable giving.
And a child’s love for their parents should be unconditional the same way a parent’s love for their child should also be unconditional.
If my parents didn’t accept me for who I am, i would still love them and appreciate everything they have done and all the love they had given, even if it was just up to that point when i came out. I will fight for their love and win them back over because this is the time when they are the ones who are lost and need to be understood. It’s unfair and it shouldn’t be that way, but love nor life is never fair and sometimes personal sacrifice and pain are part of the package when loving someone.
dustashed
I guess everyone’s experience is different. But for me personally, the love and understanding my parents have given me throughout childhood and through troubled years is more than enough to last me a lifetime. So even if they shun me, or that look of love in their eyes fade after coming out, i will still have enough love and memories from childhood to carry me through the rough period of winning them back, even if that period lasts a lifetime.
charlietex
I call bull crap on this just like I do on most things that get posted on Reddit. There are certain dead giveaways like the reference to an oppressive mother and an absent father which are just what people were taught gay sons had back in the 60s I guess you got people talking but come on trust but verify.
seaguy
I wouldn’t give them one red cent unless they were dirt poor, in that case I would give them enough to live above the poverty line until they died via a trust. But as for the mothers assertion that they deserve 1/4 of his winnings cause they raised him. BS! You know when you have a kid that your responsible for them until they reach age 18. His parents couldn’t even last that long when they found out he was gay so what makes her think she deserves money for raising him? Delusional bitch.
dickrichard
The only people you should give any amount of money, are the people who were there for you when you where struggling in your life. The ones that ignored you or outright denied to help and care for you deserve none of your help or money. It doesn’t matter if they are your parents, your ex, your children or your best friends.
Also; I would have never told my family about the money in the first place if they are almost strangers anyway: strangers don’t care what’s right or wrong, they will walk over you as much as they like for a little money, and they will get threatening for a lot of money.
Glücklich
@Alistair Wiseman:
Is contrarianism the result of brain damage sustained during your mother’s failed D&E?
bambamman12
It doesn’t matter that they are your biological parents. If they ignored or were ashamed of you for being gay, they don’t deserve a penny. We are who we are and if our own parents cannot show us real love and affection, their love certainly does not deserve to be bought…
dinard38
@Luis Collazo: I totally agree. I wouldn’t give them shit!! Nada. Zilch. NOTHING!!!!
You don’t approve of me being gay but you have no problem taking my gay azz dollars. GTFO!!!!!!
onthemark
I guess I’d pay off their mortgage on the condition that I never had to see them again.
@dustashed: @dustashed: That was very touching, until the end. Yeah, right – report back to us after you’ve actually come out to your parents. You seem fairly uncertain they will react well!
jantheman4903
i read his letter a couple of times..and he sounds like he has a soft heart. whats giving 200,000 to them just as a way that HE won’t feel bad. sometimes logic n feelings are not the same. or yea put into a retirement account. i have a sister who i have disowned..but i would if i had that kind of money set something up so she lived safely at least. have a good day.
Cam
They didn’t want a gay kid. So they should stick to their morals and not get any of that dirty “Gay Money”.
Bauhaus
@Glücklich:
That’s a whole lot of nothing – like the parents they are. Perfect!
SFHarry
He should tell them that there is nothing wrong with their asking but it will take him 5 years to decide(the amount of time they didn’t speak to him when they found out he was gay). Sometimes a taste of ones own medicine is fair play.
jaybird85
I would have said fine to giving them a little windfall, until I read that they decided they deserve more. Mmm, no no, you want to get greedy about getting a handout from the son you decided couldn’t live under your roof because he’s gay? Now you get nothing since you wanted to complain about not getting enough free money. Gtfo
1EqualityUSA
The 5 year decision, I like this.
jaybird85
@Alistair Wiseman: because the right is always waiting with a helping hand? Lol
dances43
If they have serious financial problems, help them – anyone who could afford to would do so. (But don’t believe this will make them “forgive” you or regret their past conduct – it won’t.)
If they are just being greedy, tell them to get stuffed. It was their decision to bring you into the world, and they have to live with the consequences.
But I’m afraid that your big mistake was to tell them about your winnings – better to have kept quiet.
1EqualityUSA
He still wants justification from his parents. The money is not as important to the lotto winner as much as regard from his parents. Unresolved pain. Is the 15 after tax?
aidanbh
Frankly, I am sick and tires of this knee-jerk homage that people give to “the family” with lines like “they brought you into this world” and “they raised you”. Bringing us into this world was THEIR decision (and often not even that), and raising us was their obligation to us, not our obligation to them. It is a minimum requirement. Any respect that they think that they deserve is based on what they do IN ADDITION TO the stark obligations. And from what I have read, they failed. They do not deserve a cent.
Cam
@Alistair Wiseman: said…”The compassion, generosity and selflessness of the Left always amazes me.”
_____________________
Oh look, somebody who always supports anti-gay bigots, now also advocating the typical hand out mooching that the right wing always does.
Lance Mullholland
Tacky, Tacky, Trashy. They’re obviously not Episcopalians…
halo
being bi and engaged to a FTM transman, i can somewhat relate. my family has shunned myself and my kids now for about 2 years since i got involved with my fiance. i came out to them as bisexual some 4 years ago. i often wondered how it would go down if i won a large sum of money. to say my mother is money hungry is an understatement. my family are the type who would have me declared incompetent and try to take my kids away just so they would be able to get their hands on it. i did decide that i would share some of it with my mom, but it would probably fall short of what she felt i “owed” her. im one who doesnt feel children owe their parents anything other than respect, if its given to the child. it doesnt take a rocket scientist to get knocked up and become a parent. the respect comes in when the parents rear a child lovingly and selflessly. no one is guaranteed their next breath of air so to say a parent expects their children to take care of them in old age is a farce. there’s no way to know that you will outlive your child. its only a hope that will happen. so the basic answer is one that i had to come to myself. i would give them as much as it would take to make my conscience shut up. i couldnt *not* give them anything. i wouldnt want to but i couldnt sit by with oodles of cash and not give them something. so i guess i would decide how much it would take to pay off their home, vehicle and give them some spending money and move on. id find much more joy from giving to people in need than those who shunned me in my time of need. thats my perspective. no one is entitled to something that belongs to you. the only way they would be is if they went in on the price of the lotto ticket. then and only then are then entitled to some of it. my mom is the type of person who lives comfortably in a 3 bedroom home she just had built and drives a great (practically new) car yet she wouldnt strain her fingers to loan me 20.00. i also agree with the person above who said to donate a sum to charity in your parents name. what you have here is people who are dealing with you out of greed due to your good fortune. you can choose to feed that greed by being compelled by their guilt trips or you can do something positive with it. good luck to you friend!
lambym16
I’ve just chosen to register….just to comment on this. I feel really strongly about the position you are in. I never comment usually as the writer of this is unlikely to ever read it, but I hope they do! You say it emotionally weighs on you yes? Well, do whatever it takes to remove the emotional weighing on yourself and put it right back where it came from!! Only you know what that will be.
The money is irrelevant in this situation as far as I’m concerned. For example, compare it to many other family situations in life where the questions people ask themselves; should I attend the family wedding because someone is there you don’t like or get along with, or what should we do for Christmas dinner/thanksgiving when there is so much pressure from both sets of parents for example. The answers should be to attend the wedding for the people who have invited you, because that’s the right thing to do or alternate your Christmas dinners, so everybody sees your decision is a fair one & you’ve explained it. Basically I always do whatever makes ME and my nearest/dearest happiest.
Sounds like you will (or intend to) invest wisely and do a whole lot more with what’s left (after you’ve settled this in your heart). I know America is very different from the UK but I think if it were me, and my parents refused to accept me and my choices, I would give them what they ‘dream’ of having, which is clearly money and a straight son….? Give them the money and divorce them so they don’t have the son they don’t want! Then they can’t get any more of your investments as they seem to be greedy? Give them an inch & they’ll take a mile. Then the emotional weight will only get heavier! Apologies if this is judgemental of your folks, it’s not meant to be. Give them the emotional weight that they have selfishly and wrongly hung on your shoulders. No parent should hang this on their kids. Good luck & keep us posted!
1EqualityUSA
The money has given the lotto winner power. Since his parents misused their power, it’s daunting to suddenly have freedom to choose. The parents are greatly affected by their son’s unexpected fortune. Self-doubt can do a number on one who was abused. Abandonment is abuse. It toys with the power-o-meter years later. It can tend towards poor decisions and unfortunate missteps. Writing about it on the internet seems over the top. It’s the spotlight, laser beam intensity, scrutiny, and screaming in pain that makes me think this was written in an LGBT creative writing class. If it is true, either forgive or don’t. Go to school. Live off of the interest only. If the 15 was chomped in half by taxes, living off of the interest is adequate, especially if you’re taking 12 to 15 units at school. Don’t buy stuff. Build tiny homes.
Randy Hudnutt
Zip
MemeGuy
You owe your parents nothing. A parent is supposed to love their child no matter what. And as for the fact that they raised you, well I am sure you plan on raising your own kids some day for which you could use the money.
jeremyhall2727
I would give mine not a damn thing. If they don’t like me if I’m bi. Then hell with them
saericksonfl
Do what you feel is the correct thing to do after all this advice you received. You are the one that will live with your decisions and not your parents. My suggestion is to love them more than they loved you. That doesn’t take money.
salex
Get your self a very good attorney….a straight one would also qualify. Know what you wish to do when it comes a payout. Address the situation as if it were your last will and include your self in the will.
After all is done have a meeting with all named in your “will” after it’s written. Let your attorney prepare documents that must be signed by all assuring you that no law suits or threat’s of a suit will follow.If they don’t sign, omit them in the settlement. Once signed say “goodbye” to them if that’s what you believe..
Go and enjoy your life as you choose. Be hesitant in allowing anyone in your life know about your good fortune.
[email protected]
I think you have been given some great advice, but before you cash that ticket GET A LAWYER NOW.
Advice on Charities: I just read an article on the top 20 charities, who help the person live the quality of life they deserve, just because what we went through and want to avoid reality its WORSE.
1st Some charities CEO/CFO make over a million dollars, let me tell you we were not allowed to go over 15% for admin costs which include Wages. benefits, office supplies copy machine etc etc you get my drift and their is a cap on CEO’ & CFO, A Million is not even close. They charity is for the benefactors not more CEO/CFO to make a huge wage, and by the way LGBT will make you sick. Tax exempt organizations tax returns are public knowledge. I have no idea why some are not being attacked, sometimes i’ve seen CFO’s choose their own board by asking friends etc, some have hardly any term limits so their wages go up even if they cant give any employees a raise. I CCould NOT Beleive what the CEO’s and CFO”s were making it was in a article i read probly at my famous star bucks. Congrats keep your money safe, that doesnt always mean investing, money in the bank its insured up to $250,000 thats going to be a lot of banks LOL. Their are vultures out their that will do many things to get your sale LOL. Best of luck my friend, John
o.codone
I won my lawsuit, I gave every family member a share. Then my brother hijacked the house, my sister stole all my mothers money and my mother disinherited me. Fu ck this guy’s parents. Oh yeah, once again, fu ck my family too.
Joe
I’d give them nothing. They don’t deserve a penny!
HayStar98
First ignore half of these rude comments on here. Then contact a lawyer and talk to them about what your wanting to do with the money and how you feel about the entire situation. Discuss only with them about opening additional accounts to keep the money safe and secure. I wouldnt pay the mortgages off for there house but i would give enough money for your mother to retire comfortably and some to help your father get there. I would also open an account for your sisters for a scholarship fund or help them pay a year of college because regardless of opinions college is important. The rest of the money i feel you should keep for you and yourself. Maybe help start yourself a family.
Money will not buy your parents love. Money won’t heal what they put you through. Money wont bring them back to you and I feel if you helped your mom retire, and set up some funds for your sisters that would be enough to satisfy yourself and them. I hope you come through this ok.
Rustie
This one is easy…tell them that you are not going to discuss anything that has to do with money and absolutely no cash will exchange hands for 5 YEARS. See how they like it; and that will give you plenty of time to sort out your feelings.
SteveBmke
I think whatever amount you decide to give them is your choice. I totally understand that they are your parents and your idea of paying off their mortgages is fine. However….please move further than an HOUR away! NO contact after you give them what you feel is fair. Like most people have said…I doubt you would see a dime if the tables were reversed.
oddrickqueerty800
I don’t think your parents are homophobic but I do believe there hetrosexualist. It’s a parents job to accept nature and nurture,you apparently we’re not good enough for them being homosexual, so now things have changed,you’re good enough because you have money, BOOSHIT!
fprovidence
Just deal with the resentments so all can be resolved. Keeping resentments is unhealthy with the added cost of wasted time. See their point of view, your part in it so to have a better prospective. Your parents are not perfect, and you should want them in some aspect of your life.
Edwadokun
The last thing you would want is a long drawn out legal battle. While a lawsuit may be inevitable because the parents feel the way they feel. Following the advice of that redditor might at the very least shorten the case because its not only fair but more than generous. A sane judge would see no spite in the gesture. To me, I can’t begin to imagine the trauma he had but it could have been worse. While they were crappy parents, they still housed and clothed him. 25% is definitely not the warranted.
I’d personally do what the redditor suggested plus a sweetener and make them sign a contract.
EdMorphine
What kind of parent thinks that their children owe them? If this guys parents were worth anything at all they wouldn’t expect a cent. Since they’ve basically shunned him because of who he is, what he has offered them is far and above what any reasonable person would expect. If they don’t like what he’s offered them, then keep your money.
heartart
This guy doesn’t owe anything. Unless they gave a quarter that was used to specifically purchase the ticket, he doesn’t owe them. And as for owing for raising him, bull..t. I’m a parent and our children do not CHOOSE to be born. As parents, we are SUPPOSED to take care of/raise/protect and LOVE our children. Not love them if they are a certain way or fit into our idea of who they should be.
If he absolutely wants to give them something, give $10,000 which is the top amount you can give without recipient having to pay taxes on the money.
I personally wouldn’t give them squat.
Larry & Patrick
How lovely that you have such ugly parents…I would send them a nice card thanking them for the “effort” they put into your upbringing and then I would change my phone number, move and perhaps change my last name…I truly do not feel that you owe them a dime. I tell you this as my 83 year old mother who has Alzheimer’s lives with us; I love my mother with all my heart and she has loved my husband for the past 12 years we have been together…there is not anything in the world that I would not give my mother, but you see she and my father raised me with love and care. I am truly sorry that you did not have that kind of upbringing but take your power back and move on from these toxic people.
JulieR78
I like the guys advice on the 10% to charity, then trust fund after retirement on one condition; your parents HAVE to go to counseling with you. By the time they retire if things haven’t been hashed out you can wash your hands of them or by then you guys could have a great relationship and you might end up giving them more. But in no way does this mean they are to entitled to any of it period!
cheraphim2000
Hello and congrats.
The one thing you have to do is remember that you have to except that right now they don’t except you and that’s ok. People are stupid. But if you learn to remember that you will be ok. It sucks. If I have a child and he isn’t gay I am going to be ticked.
But they gave life to an awesome gay son that despite them is willing to help them with his winnings. SO before they went nuts they did something right.
I would, if it were me, send then gift cards or checks. If they didn’t cash them oh well what are you out. Nothing huge. I can guarantee that on their death bed they will feel awful about the time they lost with you.
I spend my time with a lot of young gay men whose parents have shunned them or kicked them out and I try to save them all. In the end there is regret because love eventually surpasses ignorance. Good luck and enjoy this fantastic time in your life. You have earned it.
Danie
dustashed
@onthemark: It is true I fairly uncertain as to how they will react. But I am fairly certain as to how I will react.. regardless of their reaction. My actions and how I feel about them are independent on how they will feel about me.
I’ll keep you posted.
geminiguy90028
You are 29 and not underage anymore so the money is all yours. There are no legal grounds for your parents to sue you. Plus, it costs money to sue and I doubt they have much. Its very generous of you to offer to pay their mortgage and give them some money. That’s way more than they deserve since they haven’t been good parents to you. If I had good parents that actually raised me and took good care of me, taking care of me while I was growing up I’d probably give them even more than what they asked. Now you have millions of dollars and you don’t need them since they will probably only be nice to you because of the money. Be very careful though because people will try to take advantage of you and con you out of your money. I’ve been burned a lot in the past and it sucks. You have way more than I did to be conned out of. You sound like a smarter guy than me so my guess is that you probably won’t be conned so easily. You are also VERY attractive so you will have no problem finding another HOT cute boyfriend and when you fall in love you might end up losing money. Sometimes boyfriends use their boyfriends unintentionally. Just hopefully you won’t lose too much of it. You have millions so you can afford to lose a little so that’s a good thing. Hell, if you were in Los Angeles and we were to be dating I wouldn’t care if you had any money. As long as you have love to give and a good heart, that’s all that matters. You have lots of money, maybe you will visit Los Angeles and we can meet. We can hang at a gay bar and chat, or go to a museum, or something fun. 🙂
queent
Wow. Your parents raised you because that’s their job. You owe your parents nothing. I think your offer is more than fair. If you had made that money, say you were a big time entrepreneur and made a ton of cash, would they also expect a share of that??? If someone in my family won a lot of money, I certainly wouldn’t expect them to do anything for me. Your parents sound like not very nice people who have a lot of issues. They probably think you owe them because you’re gay and they wanted a straight son. Too bad for them. Good luck to you!
lol
If they do not accept you for who you are, they are not your parents. Parents are supposed to be loving and supportive, and the fact that they took that away means they deserve none of it.
lol
@Steve Russell: they dont deserve a cent
garyo
As parents, it is your duty and obligation to raise your children. There is no payment for that. What you get is much more than money can give. He owes them nothing. I think he was extremely generous to offer to pay their mortgage off. They were wrong for not accepting him. Whether or not they they believe homosexuality is wrong he still is their son. For some reason, I think he’ll make sure they are well cared for in their retirement years. That is because I believe this man, in spite of how they treated him, still loves his parents. I would do the same.
Adjel
I look at it this way: Prior to his winning the lottery, did his parents expect repayment for raising him? Did they garnish his wages? No? Then why do they expect it now? They are looking for a handout. The fact that they feel entitled to repayment for birthing him, and they let him know by saying “We raised you!” is reprehensible. They should be happy for him, not demanding a payout. If he wants to give them money, then they should be grateful for any of it. Just because he won it doesn’t make that money any more theirs than if he earned it over years working a job. Those parents need parenting classes.
Mrs.K
You have terrible parents. Cut them off and siblings too. They will suck you dry and then dump you.
lemecdutex
Right now I’d give nothing. Never accept an unearned guilt, and that’s what they’re trying to give you, a guilt you have not earned. Did they ever apologize for the years they shunned you? Did they do it BEFORE you got this money? I’d say they owe you that far more for shunning than you owe them for partially raising then abandoning you. To demand money now does not speak well of them as people, and it sounds like they have learned nothing and are not any better people than they were when you were 15. Giving them money now with all of that is only rewarding them for being morally bankrupt.
My parents are fantastic, and I wish I had money to make their lives even better, but they live happily now anyway.
Anyway, at the end of the day it’s your life, so do what it takes to sleep well at night. But, I’d hold off on any decision for a while
Homolicious
Hire a hooker and have sex in your old bedroom while your parents are home. Get drunk, be verbally abusive, and make fun of them… then hand out stacks of $100 dollar bills for fun to compensate for your bad behavior… each time you visit. My guess is they will take the abuse just to receive the cash and invite you over for every holiday.
That, or donate a hefty amount in their name to your local LGBT center.