Snack attack

Gay guy worries his snack made him straight, seeks advice

We all have those moments when we question our homosexuality, and those questions lead to even more questions. (For instance, isn’t heterosexuality, like, unnatural? Would I ever find happiness as a straight? Will I still go to heaven?)

One Redditor suspected he might have turned straight after heading to the fridge for a snack. Here’s a blow-by-blow of his nosh…

“I just ate some banana bread by taking a bite from the bread…”

OK, so far so queer, especially because banana bread is the official baked good of gay quarantine.

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“…then went to my fridge and drank some milk straight out from the bottle…”

Straight from the bottle? Not using a glass? Things are getting a little straight bro-y here.

“…and then since some milk got on my mouth, I wiped it off with the back of my hand! AM I STRAIGHT NOW?”

A hand instead of a napkin?! Red alert!

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Commenters on the post concluded that this guy is “definitely” and “unfortunately”straight.

Others wondered what other straight behaviors this guy might be exhibit?

“Are you thinking of getting a minivan?” wrote one.

Asked another: “Did you burp loudly? I feel like that’s the finishing move. Bonus points for farting.”

One dissenting voice, however, argued that this milk fiend is still gay and “just a top.”

Other choice reactions:

“SMH at this bi erasure.”

“Only if your camo Crocs match the cargo shorts.”

“You’re not straight, you’re just a ‘90s TV character.”

“You did all that RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD?!”