Part of destigmatizing sex work is destigmatizing the reasons for seeking it out, and a recent Reddit discussion shows that those reasons are as relatable as they are varied.
“Guys who have paid for sex, why?” a user recently asked on the online forum. “Why not just hook up with guys on Grindr or go to a gay bar?”
Turns out, there are many, many motives. Here are some of the most enlightening responses:
“The advantage over randos from Grindr or bars is that sex workers are professionals who aren’t going to steal from you or hurt you. [They’re] just there to give the service.”
“Because 99% of the time, the guys I find attractive on apps don’t give a sh*t about me.”
Related: 5 essential insights about human nature from a male sex worker
“I never have, but I heard an episode of a podcast where two guys were talking about why they had done it. One was to enact a very specific fantasy that he wanted to go just right. He didn’t want to take any chances. (I seem to recall a superhero outfit and coming in through a window?) The other one did it I think just because he wanted to get f*cked well. Like, he’d had a lot of lousy lays in a row and he only had one night in the city or something, and so he just wanted a professional to f*ck him really well. Those stories changed my perspective on why it’s useful.”
“Never did, but thought about it once. I was going through a long dry spell, between bad dates and running into flakes on apps. Seemed like an easier option than dealing with the fifth rando Grindr dude flaking out. Ultimately didn’t, but I could definitely see the appeal.”
“Started out as a time-saver — demanding career and I couldn’t hang out a bar hoping I’d find my type. Then I found out when I’m paying I can call the action. So with escorts, I can quickly find my type and get a specific kink handled by a professional. Win-win.”
Related: Amsterdam is displaying male sex workers in its red light district windows for this important cause
“I thought about it once. Wanted to lose my virginity once and for all and wanted to be safe. Physically safe — I’m weak and easily overpowered. I didn’t feel safe going to a stranger’s house and wasn’t at a part of my life where I wanted to date.”
“Never did it yet but considering it. Feels like no ones attracted to me.”
“The same reasons you pay for a massage instead of having your boyfriend give you one. The massage therapist is trained, and your boyfriend is just going to rub you and hope for the best. Sometimes you just want no B.S. professional service.”
JorgeTurner1659
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Raphael
I’m young(ish) and I have/do pay for sex from time to time. To be honest, on those days that you’re felling kind of horny, is so much easier and quicker to just hire a guy than spending hours on some app… Also, you can choose one of your liking, in every way. I’m not ashamed, it’s so convenient.
Bengali
I’m an older guy – goodlooking and good shape – but I love younger guys. Legal age guys 25 – 35. I like specific types. I like specific features. Mostly attracted to masculine latino guys but sometimes go for black guys or Asian (korean masculine only). It’s all pretty hot. I never feel guilty. It’s not a frequent occurrence and i counsel anyone who is spending crazy $$ on this or beyond their means, or feeling addicted to it, to get counseling, quickly.
Catholicslutbox
Usually really old out of shape guys looking to hookup with some stud, or busy professionals that don’t want to deal with the whole grindr and catfishing mess.
mudgeguy
At least 1/3 of all gay men could be considered old and out of shape. You obviously don’t acknowledge their existence.
startenout
So you’re either a sex worker, did any actual research or are just making up things to reinforce a negative stereotype
JamJewel
Well… I WAS a sex worker back in the day when a John just approached me in the street and asked if I wanted to make some easy money so I did it for a lark. And yes, it was mostly older fellows but I had two surprises: firstly, that I could get it up no matter who; secondly, after the sex, it became apparent that I was in demand because they could take me out socially and I could hold my own conversationally on most topics. On the other hand, I remember way back when, me and a friend sitting on the beach and discussing saving our pennies because one day we would have to pay for sex because of our proclivities.
Josh447
Why muck about in the frog infested moat when inside the castle is a prince waiting for you?
versager
I’ve paid for sex because I’ve learned through enough trial and error and ultimate disappointment that my sexual needs are relatively niche. I don’t like anal sex and I hate being the recipient of a bj, so I’m pretty much excluded from Boyfriendland. Secondly, what I’m interested in is so narrow that we’re talking about a subset of a subset of a subset — so a very small group of people.
It’s a thousand times easier just to throw money at someone, say “Please do A, B and C” and be done with it. I get off. They get money. And there’s no need for shame, guilt, recriminations or explanations.
I know I’m cursed, but what can I do about it? I’m a mid-30s, generally attractive guy. I know my future in this regard isn’t bright. And ultimately, my fetishes aren’t all that extreme: just feet and some soft domination and humiliation. But I can’t find anyone to love me, let alone date me. So money and professionals it is.
CenterRight
Why can’t you just pray and try a little harder to get yourself into the normal stuff most gays are into? Your mind is polluted and that is why you are living in misery. You need to find some spiritual redemption before you are condemned to a lifelong curse of loneliness.
PinkoOfTheGange
@CenterRight:
Bad troll, bad
Go back under your bridge.
Now!
Cam
Hey Queerty….. Look at @CenterRight ‘s comment. Is that type of anti-LGBTQ bullying really allowed on here?
nm4047
so you’re basically a str8 conservative politician. I have met a large number of married men at gay bars that fit this ‘subset’. Can assure you that you’re not that small a statistic.
Prax07
I just can’t understand how anyone could function properly knowing the guy you’re doing it with doesn’t find you attractive, that they’re only willingly participating because of money, and your just a job they’re doing to get paid. The thought of it, from both sides, just completely grosses me out.
Raphael
Well, genuinely answering your question, we’re not worrying or caring about their “feelings”. We just want to take care of our boner, the same way they are not worrying or caring about our “feelings” and just want some money. It works for both parties… People need to relax, it’s just business.
nitejonboy
Well for all you know the guys you’re having non paying sex with aren’t really attracted to you either and are just doing it out of pity or boredom. So at least this way you’ve got someones attention. And like someone else said, you’re not paying them for sex, you’re paying them to leave afterwards, it’s just about getting you off and them not staying around later and bothering you. It’s a much more convenient deal than grindr dates usually. But I’ve been celibate for 12 years so I haven’t done that in a long time, but did do it from time to time when I was sexually active.
toronto
You will either end up paying for sex, or you will be alone. Sorry, honey, everyone gets old, fat and ugly. Gays are not immune.
mprmike
Well, generally speaking they’re really good at a) sex, and b) making the client feel sexy and desired. And typically they’re also ridiculously hot. If they aren’t any of those things they aren’t going to be very successful at sex work. I never had a problem getting it up with an escort.
nm4047
before grindr it was called a pitty f&Ck. Way cheaper than paying the bar bill for some guy that is looking for someone to get off with for the cost of a night out at a bar for free.
kamirX
I don’t pay guys for sex. I pay guys to LEAVE after sex. Sometimes I’m in the mood for NSA with a beautiful young guy (I’m in my 50s). When I get the urge, I go on my favorite app and send a guy I’m interested in (right now it’s 18 -25, over 6ft – the taller the better – top with lean build) a message asking if he’s into “generous older” along with my pic. The vast majority of the time they ARE interested and $100 – $200 later we both have what we want. No harm no foul.
Cam
They could send the questionnaire to Trump as well.
Dick Gozinia
Male prostitution is illegal in the US, so how are all these guys finding sex workers? Maybe it’s more common on the coasts than the rest of the US?
masterwill7
it happens everywhere, it doesn’t dissapear by making it illegal!?? And in little towns maybe even more than in big cities!!
nm4047
so is murder and last time I watch the news, wasn’t necessarily in a ‘coastal town’ Las Vegas, Killen TX, not really costal towns. Grindr equally works well in rural towns as it does in any other town.
JamJewel
Check out kamirX’s response above… there is obliviously a way to do it even on your “favorite app” [wink, wink]…..
GregoryH
I’m 66 and do not resemble myself the last time I had sex over 22 years ago. (long story) I’d love to have a boyfriend, but I’m not “available” since I care for my father. If I knew that my time was “short” I would definitely hire a professional. I know that whatever the circumstances of a future sexual encounter, I’m going to be very nervous. It would be nice to be with a person that understands.
masterwill7
A nice and professional guy will be super sweet and caring if you would try it.. Nothing to be ashamed of..
kcguy
Well after 30 years of marriage and paying for a divorce with half my assets it’s probably cheaper to get a rent boy and pay for what I want versus the rest of my life.
Yes the divorce was from a lady. Probably it should’ve happened sooner. But enjoying a nice gay man will be great.
kcguy
KamirX,
I like your idea on paying them to leave. I will have to think about how to do that. Living in a Midwestern city who start this much nice looking gay guys to play. But I will look at some of the apps and see how to have some fun.
Used to be easier to get a massage with a happy ending but unfortunately several of the good massage sites have closed.
kamirX
Try any of the gay dating/hook up apps. The guys I hook up with are not professionals -just young guys interested in a quick buck.
Prax07
I just couldn’t/wouldn’t ever pay for sex. Don’t think I’d even be able to date someone that had ever paid for sex.
nm4047
does that mean you don’t have a fantasy gay porn star that you want as either you bf or have lusted over time and time again on the internet. How many comments do you see on website, from guys stating their love for someone that has just done (for a fee) what these viewers fantasize over.
JamJewel
All you’re really saying is that you want to ‘know’ the person with whom you have sex, that you prefer a $200 dinner w/benefits over a $200 sexcapade – either way, the person is likely to leave and never see you again
Alfy
When I was in my mid twenties I had older guys offer me $1000 just to blow me and I said no (I was pretty much a power bottom then and I’m not hung so idk why) but I had sex with escorts for free and hooked up with porn stars at pride events too. Now I’m 45 and versatile and I have no problem finding 18-25 year old twinks that want a dad or the occasional older couple that wants a 3some. I have the money to pay for sex and I’ve looked into it but there’s no one local and when I go on vacations I usually go with my best friend and he’s only into spanking guys and he’s been generous for that (he’s never had anal)
joeboyle49
WELL I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU GUYS GOT SEX WORKERS BUT WHERE I USED TO LIVE YES THERE WAS SEX WORKERS BUT THEY DIDN’T DO WHAT I WANTED THEM TO DO! THEY WOULD TELL ME I HAD TO GET THEM OFF FIRST THEN THEY TOOK OFF. LEFT ME STRANDED!
Raphael
Sorry to hear that. You should always discuss your wishes before agreeing to meet, and never pay upfront, only after. If they insist, they can leave.
Prax07
What I’m saying is I could never “perform” with someone that (A) is only there because of money, (B) is paid to “pretend” to be nice and find me attractive, (C) has probably had loads and loads of “clients”, (D) and could possibly have a std because of what his job is. It’s just too risky, and not in my moral wheelhouse to really ever even consider hiring someone for that.
Prax07
And as far as the apps go, for guys looking to buy/sell their services, I hit the report button when I see that on profiles. Wether it really makes a difference or not I do hit that report button.
grich
I’m a 65 year old closeted gay man. In my situation, the chance of me finding the type of men I’m attracted to in a bar or date site is pretty much zero. Just over 20 years ago I discovered the world of escorts and they have been lifesavers for me. I hire a guy ONLY after doing the necessary research to make sure he’s dependable and what I’m looking for. I usually hire someone when I travel for at least an over nighter. Over the years I’ve met some escorts who were awesome individuals. They’ve certainly added some spice to my life. And it’s about more than just the “bedroom”. it’s just as important that I have someone I can be myself around and talk to for an evening. As a gay man, male escorts help fulfill my mental and physical needs. Thank God for male escorts!