Breaking up is hard to do… unless it’s not. After a Redditor asked, “Other than cheating, why did you leave your ltr ex-partner?” in a recent r/askgaybros thread, some users described heartbreaking break-ups, and some described liberating splits. (It’s one thing if you and your man are just in two different places in life, and it’s another if he’s stealing your money.) Here’s a selection of responses, edited for readability:
“We were both in a bad place. The relationship was alright, but with various life things each of us [was] dealing with, the relationship was second fiddle. So when the opportunity for me to move out of state and fix my situation arose, I took it.”
“Relationships can fizzle out just like they initially flare up. We just stopped enjoying each other’s company. Different interests. We’re still friends, but better that we live at different addresses and f*ck different people.”
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“The sex was never great, but it became rarer and rarer, so we tried opening the relationship, but it got to the point [where] we were just best friends who once every couple months would have sex. So we broke up and became best buddies.”
“Incompatible sex drives.”
“I was bored and unhappy. I never fit in with his family and hometown and family-oriented lifestyle. It’s [a] very small town. Bedroom had been dead for 6 years. He gambled away over $30k, and I had to bail him out, something that set me back a great deal. I didn’t even care if he cheated or not.”
“I found out he was running meth cross-country.”
“Emotionally-abusive, money-sucking leech, in addition to cheating.”
“The relationship we agreed on wasn’t what either of us wanted ten years later. Heartbreaking.”
“One, we broke up because he and I dated right after (literally the day after) I got out of a relationship and I needed time to be single. We’re still good friends and both agree we’d give it another go when we’re in the right place mentally. The other, it was a long distance relationship, which was part of it, and the other part was he didn’t value or understand my career and the commitments it requires at times.”
“It was fizzling out, and we weren’t right for each other as much love as we had for each other.”
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“The time I spent with school-related matters became a source of contention, as well as family meddling that made it difficult to be in a relationship. I’d never get into a relationship again unless I were independent.”
“We were together during our college years and a few beyond that. It was a time of growth and coming into ourselves, and we ultimately realized that we just wanted/needed very different, incompatible things.”
“The sex was horrible, and he was very selfish. He played [World of Warcraft] for 12–14 hours a day and barely had time for anything else. We simply were not compatible. He invited me to dinner three months later, apologized about wasted time and opportunities. Asked if I’m interested. I had completely moved on.”
“Just not the right time for us. I was working and investing so much time in my career as a mid-20s guy with almost no money, hoping I would get my shot. He was in college figuring out life as an early 20-year-old and having fun. He was my first boyfriend, I was his second. We both lacked the right communication tools to really understand each other and I guess also maturity. Loved that man so f*cking much, but sometimes we would just not click. It felt so bad at times. I just felt alone in the relationship, and I think he did, too. I wasn’t the best supporter for him; I was selfish at that time. We had an okay breakup, decided to remain friends but we couldn’t, finally decided on no contact to really close it off and haven’t really spoken to each other since. I miss him a lot. Wish he was still a friend I’d get to hang out with from time to time.”
Hussain-TheCanadian
My longest relationship was 4 years, I’m 6 years older than him, loved him, we were going to get married, talked about getting a house together.
His father found out that we “weren’t best friends” and lost his shit. He couldn’t threaten me, so he threatened my ex: ” you want to be part of our family, inherent my money and businesses, and be a good muslim, choose now, either hussain or your family”.
To make a long story short, he choose his family, broke up with me in the most horrible way possible. I confronted his father, told him he condemned his son to a life of misery. He married a woman 6 months later. This all happened 6 years ago, they just managed to produce their first kid.
Thanks to him I have trust issues, but I moved on, still looking for my prince charming!!
masterwill7
That’s really horrible, and unfair.. Both he and his father are assholes, he should have chosen you! Now he has a fake life, fake wife, fake relationship with his family… I’m sorry for you, but at least now you know where you stand, there will be someone else for you who is worth your time and trust! 😉
Hussain-TheCanadian
That’s so sweet of you thank you, I see him from time to time around town. He looks miserable, I see him with other men, but it’s just to satisfy his hitch.
The victim in all of this is the poor girl he married, he robbed her of a proper life, a man who would truelly love her and wants to be intimate with her.
His dad is an @sshole, a frikkin tyrant, and someone who is beyond any reason. Last time he and I talked, or faught, he said he wanted to save his son from the “illness I infected him with” – I told him the only illness that I can see is his sick mind and heart, a man who is both ignorant and hateful has no right to judge others.
It didnt end well, the whole muslim community knew, it was a huge thing, I didnt care.
tf3.0
I miss my Ethan so god damn much.
stanhope
All i will say is give it all that you’ve got. Then you never have to look back with regret. Regret is that bitch that will bite you and never let go. I met the most wonderful man for me on Earth. I was too young to appreciate him and who he really was. I did some of the worst things imaginable including seducing his straight brother. Well i learned my lesson late and it was very costly. Make a date to sit down and really talk once a week…let nothing get in the way of that date.
Man About Town
I don’t understand this one: “The relationship we agreed on wasn’t what either of us wanted ten years later. Heartbreaking.”
Since they both changed their desires and values after ten years, both needed to move on, and agreed to amicably split up, what’s heartbreaking about it?
enlightenone
Most people are clueless about what having a RELATE(i)onship really means and the skills and level of commitment it deserves, even more so for gay men who have some unique challenges to make it WORK – be fulfilling!
Oranos
A therapist once said to me, “Love isn’t enough. And if one person is operating waaaay up here and the other waaaay down there, the person operating at the higher level of consciousness is going to leave, because they’re not getting their needs met.”
For many people, differences between them aren’t discussed, or the minimize some “fatal flaw” as one of my former colleagues put it, and figure they’ll get around it.
Getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons happens pretty frequently. It’s just that some people need years to realize they’re with the wrong person.
hotdogla
Yes.
o.codone
I split up so I could get more dick. Lot’s more dick. Ton’s of dick. Oodles of dick. If there’s such a thing as too much dick, I got it. Who needs a LTR ?
avesraggiana
I’n with you, kinda. I split up from a narcissistic, abusive asshole and was broken hearted for a while. Then I woke up and realised how much fun I was having with all the great dick I was getting! I was really happy being single, and would have remained that way had not an old flame from 15 years ago recaptured my heart.
davegun2
I miss Bud so much. I was getting old, and my war PTSD was bad. I guess those are the reasons he just didn’t want me anymore. I’m sad to this day.
MISTERJETT
fed up with “long-term” cheating.
arthurb3
It’s all about priorities!
JJinAus
No records, but 19 years here. You’d be out of your mind if you ended a LTR because you were bored. I’ve had plenty of fun, but I wouldn’t trade anything for what I have. Get adventures out of your system and then you’re ready to have the real deal.
djmcgamester
In my past, I had distorted ideas of what a relationship meant. I wanted something like my parents had but wanted it to magically appear – I wanted HIM to make it happen. I know it must come as a shock to you all that things fell apart, even though it took 8 years to happen. Didn’t help that we both drank a teensy bit too much alcohol. Anyway, I’ve learned from it.
Rock-N-RollHS
LOL, the world of warcraft (12-14 hours a day) example??? Long-term relationship? How many adults play WoW and have 12-14 hours a day to play it?
Otherwise, values change as people grow. Personally, think that mature relationships among older adults a lot more satisfying, something the gay community should emphasize. Too much emphasis on youth and beauty. Most painful years.