Three’s company

Gay guys offer rules for a couple’s first threesome

What to expect when you’re expecting… a third bed partner! A Reddit user recently asked other gays what “rules and things” he and his partner should discuss before they embark on their first threesome.

He and his beau already have some talking points — e.g. whether to call upon an acquaintance or a stranger, if the “unicorn” should stay the night, what should be off the table, and how to address jealousy during the ménage à trois.

Related: This couple’s addiction to nonstop threesomes nearly ended their relationship

And commenters on the thread contributed their, ahem, hard-earned wisdom. “[Here’s] what me and the hubs do, rule-wise,” one wrote. “Condoms are a must for anal. No one person gets more treatment than the other. Kissing is predetermined prior to meetup. Sometimes it a yes, others it’s a no, and same with rimming. We have done friends but prefer not to and create a f*ckbud instead, as it has a chance to change the friendship for worse. Also, learn the difference between sex and love. That has helped us out the most.”

Another user pointed out, though, that rules can be interpreted differently, and that constant communication can be a relationship-saver. “PLAN to f*ck it up [and] be willing to keep open your communication channels. As an example, the stranger/known thing: I see that cute guy at McDonald’s every morning… Is he a stranger or someone I know? You might think one thing, and he might think another.”

“Also, post-care is important,” that same commenter added. “Your ‘jealous during’ item, as an example. In the heat of the moment, you might let something slide because it isn’t THAT critical but you might not want your partner to ever do that thing again because it made you uncomfortable.”

Related: This 1972 author predicted gay rights, non-monogamy, and maybe even Grindr

And a third commenter added “repeat performances” to the list of talking points — i.e. bringing the same unicorn back for an encore or three. “Talk about it first and see how you feel, but revisit it after to see if either of your feelings changed. Talk about everything every step of the way, basically.”

After all, there’s more than one reason they call it “opening up” a relationship, right?