There’s never been a better time to be alive, queer, and horny! First there was that study showing that people are growing far more likely than ever to have same-sex sexual encounters, and to identify as bisexual. Now there’s another study showing that queers are having more open relationships than ever before.
Is this a good thing? Well, the jury’s still out on that. Short-term, having an open relationship can be a lot of fun, and can mean a lot of sex. But long-term, there are some unique relationship hurdles that our culture doesn’t exactly prepare us for. It’s easy to model behavior on monogamous couples that you see in movies and on TV, but how many healthy happy stable poly guys do you see?
Related: I Don’t: Six Kinds Of Relationships To Try Before, Or Instead Of, Marriage
The research comes from Australia, where a third (!) of respondents said that they were in open relationships. About the same amount said they were monogamous, a quarter said they were just having casual sex, and the rest aren’t getting any ass right now.
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Other intriguing findings: half used apps to meet other guys; a third meet guys in bars; and just over a quarter make new friends in saunas. Saunas! Is that an Australian thing, or is this some global gay trend that we’ve missed out on? Saunas used to be a big thing in the United States but we can’t think of the last time any of our friends mentioned going to one.
Related: Guys Reveal How They Really Feel About Open Relationships
And there’s some good news from the survey as well: a doubling in the rate of STI testing. If we’re all having more sex we’ll need to be extra-vigilant about combatting diseases. For example, after International Mr. Leather last weekend, there was a mini-outbreak of severe flu-like symptoms in Chicago. A bunch of attendees wound up hospitalized. But quick testing and quarantines kept the illness under control, and despite a little rumor-mongering about meningitis, everyone seems to be on the mend.
So in terms of physical health, it seems like we’re making some good choices about being in open relationships. But what about emotional health? That’s a much harder quality to gauge. Time will just have to tell whether this means bigger, healthier, happier families; or if the lack of poly visibility leads to heartbreaks and mistakes.
etseq
Is it too much to ask that you actually read the study? It was STI study that sampled from bars, sex clubs, and sexual health clinics – they were targeting MSM known to be sexually active with multiple partners and thus at higher risk. It was not a representative sample nor was it intended to be – the CDC does similar studies in the US regularly and it is from these that the religious right always quotes from with those ridiculous numbers. Also, before you look to Australia as a beacon of safe sex and HIV containment, there has been a sharp increase in HIV seroconversions due to an increase in barebacking over the last year (and PreP is not yet available for most guys yet). In fact, this pattern of spiking infections due to barebacking is happening in most cities with large urban gay populations, along with all other STIs.
ChuckF
Our writers pass our culture on from one generation to the next, and recently written books are a great place to see if open relationships are working. For me, they are the only way and I was with my partner 18 years until he died.
heavylifter
“a third (!) of respondents said that they were in open relationships. About the same amount said they were monogamous”
They THINK they are in a monogamous relationship until they discover the Grindr profile or bump into each other at the sauna.
Queens can’t even spell the word monogamous.
That’s why health experts insist ALL gay men wear condoms, and now they want the entire gay population on PreP. That’s how bad a reputation gays have.
heavylifter
And what’s with the ex Thai rent boys pic? To be accurate it should be a couple of dirty old white guys with their live in 18yo ex Thai rent boy Chompoo.
DarkZephyr
@heavylifter: DAMN you’re bitter. Who dumped you?
1898
“The research comes from Australia, where a third (!) of respondents said that they were in open relationships.”
I’d love to know what the percentage is in the U.S.
When I use apps like Scruff and Growlr, it seems like nearly half of the men list their status as open relationship, and many more list their status as seeing someone, engaged, married, in a relationship, etc — and they’re on these apps looking for sex with someone other than their ‘official’ partner and/or they mention that they and their partner ‘play together or separately’ — so it appears these are de facto open relationships even though these guys aren’t necessarily using that exact label.
At any rate, guys on these apps who list their status as single appear to be a small minority.
onthemark
@heavylifter: I’ll second DarkZephyr’s question, “Who dumped you?” and I’ll add this.
You have definitely made it clear you don’t believe there ARE any monogamous gay male relationships. You have definitely made it clear how annoyed you get when black/Asian/Latino guys hit on you (supposedly!) on your sex hookup apps. But here you make it clear you don’t approve of casual hookups in general – because they give gays a bad “reputation”! – so how can you even HAVE any sex hookup apps?
Is there ANY kind of gay sex you actually like and/or approve of?
Brian
Open arrangements are for losers. They’re not relationships at all. I hope they all get herpes.
Sukhrajah
@heavylifter: Stacey Dash, everybody!
Join with me in the kumbayah!
BYE STACEY! BYE!
Before you go, though, I third the questions – “Who dumped you, Chompoo?” Why you mad, bruh?
Apart for your clearly minute knowledge of non-monogamy relationships (the vast majority of which, I will remind you, happen in the heterosexual community).
Anecdotally, I live in a community where for every intiger; me being a man of color, me engaging in sex with men, me not being in a strictly monogamous relationship; my risk increases.
Statistically, though, I am less likely to provide you with any STI than the senior citizens that constitute a sizeable part of the high-risk, sexually active community, within the county. These people simply do not use condoms (be it the perceived lack of risk, or the lack of caring due to shortness of life left, or simply not properly educated in condom usage). We are, per capita, one of the wealthiest counties in the nation, and on the face of the Earth. The STI rates, do not fail to impress either. Better access to healthcare, due to that wealth hides some of the depth of the discussion perversely.
As a Queen that wear his Crown proudly, let me disprove the myth; 4 and 5 years respectively – the lengths of my last, completely monogamous (snap, gurl, “ABC – easy as 1,2,3.”) relationships. Where are you? What decade does this voice come from? We, the collectivity of Gay men are, are present in 2016; come out, gurl! Come meet us, because you’ll realize vile when you see it in yourself.
Here’s a personal invitation; what would you like to know? Maybe if you finally meet one of us, you can cry it out, make some Pad Thai, and then we can move on to your taste in men, because – honey, you’re missing out on all the best things. Pro Tip from a Queen; variety is the spice of life.
Sukhrajah
@Brian: Your opinion is that of a loser. Your opinion does not matter at all. I hope your opinions all get herpes.
Maybe you, and HeavyGrunter there, can do a YouTube collab or something. You both need something else to focus on. I was going to add another name (that rhymes with ‘rump’) – BUT THAT WOULD BE A THREESOME! Bazign!
Billy Budd
I would definitely accept if my boyfriend wanted to have an open relationship with me. Men were not MADE to be totally faithful, even though we may decide to be if we consciously decide that it is best for us. I already have herpes (it only appears inside my cheek from time to time), so it is no big deal, Brian. I firmly believe that open relationships can be awesome and one of my closest friends has an open relationship with his longtime (+12 years) boyfriend.
DCguy
First there is the open relationship articles, then there will be the once every 3 years or so article about a “Throuple” claiming they have found a new and better type of relationship and how everybody should emulate them. ( But of course there is never a follow up a few years later to see if they are still together.)
GC1985
@Brian: Ironic coming from the guy who once said “I don’t need condoms or PrEP. I can tell someone is healthy just by looking at them”.
Anyways this study doesn’t match the headline of the article. Either way, people are free to do what they want. Open relationships aren’t for me.
And remember ignore heavysh*tlifter.
Brian
@Billy Budd: You are not in a relationship if you are juggling two sets of balls, sweetheart.
Billy Budd
@Brian: I can juggle three pairs at a time and still have feelings for all the balls. LOL
onthemark
@GC1985: I really hadn’t expected that “heavylifter” would inadvertently admit he’s a closeted troll and doesn’t actually have gay sex at all. But apparently so. LOL.
Bob LaBlah
@heavylifter: Those guys look more Chinese than Thai. The one in the middle is cute.
SportGuy
Well if they are happy with their roommate sitiuation then that’s fine. Obviously, they don’t want a relationship and are happy being roommates sex buddies.