It’s hard to keep your cool and say all the right things when you’re around someone who makes your heart flutter — think Simon saying, “I like your boots!” — but some guys’ interactions with their past crushes continue to haunt them years later.
Here are some (minimally edited) horror stories from Reddit users who bravely shared the embarrassing things they’ve said and ways they’ve acted around a crush. Read ‘em and cringe…
Related: Gay Redditors reveal the first time they realized they like men
“I kissed a guy on the forehead. Had no idea what I was doing…”
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“I went to a few of his lacrosse games he invited me too, and I dropped him off one night afterwards, and we made out. F*cking great kissing. I was so g*ddamn awkward, I literally didn’t know what to say afterwards, and I PATTED HIM ON HIS HEAD. He said, ‘Did you just pat me on the head?’ Lol, I was full-blown embarrassed.”
“HEY DO YOU LIKE PIZZA!!!!”
“I tossed a squeeze bottle full of chocolate to him and he caught it, but it was COMPLETELY full, and there was a hole in the top, so when he caught it, he inadvertently squeezed it and… he was covered in chocolate. Did I mention we were at work? Yeah, this was at work. Oops! Just so we’re clear, this isn’t a euphemism.”
“Got him some pepperonis as a date gift, because I was nervous.”
“I was in college and had a crush on a guy. It was in theater class, and he asked what I like to do. (I didn’t realize at the time he was flirting with me) and I told him read Edgar Allen Poe. I turned and left, ‘cause what do you say after that? Next time I saw him in class, the handed me a book, the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe.”
Related: Gay guys share their Grindr horror stories
“One time in middle school, I was trying to impress a girl (weird times), and I told her about how you should not try to approach flies from behind if you’re trying to kill them.”
“I looked at your peen when we pee.”
“When we stepped outside at night, he wasn’t wearing a jacket and got real close to me saying how cold he was. My response? ‘Want me to light a match and throw it on you?’ It only took me about two seconds to realize how ridiculous that came out.”
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Queerty can censor the word “c*ck” but this annoying puke can post on basically every thread for a month now…
Josh447
I knew this guy who was a Jan Michael Vincent look alike. He was a consummate surfer. I went weak in the knees every time we met up. We would bump into each other over the years and have at it. I was a nervous cat every time. Said stupid things but somehow we still ended up in the sak together. He was truly a fatal attraction though it never went that far.
Juanjo
Sorry, GabrielPowell but no one wants to have sex with you anymore. Gabby Gabriel says you gave him herpes and our medical plans do not include witch doctors in the approved covered medical services list.
RIGay
I just sound like a blathering idiot with I meet someone that I crush on. The eyes just become riveted to the person and I turn into Ralph Cramden (“humina humina humina humina…”). It’s like my brain-to-mouth switch gets set to moron mode. I think it’s that “lizard” part of the brain that goes into overdrive. It’s SO damn hard to stop it, too – even nearing 60 years of age. It’s not so bad in daytime in the summer because I can hide behind sunglasses until I regain my senses.
Josh447
Omg this was so hilarious and so relatable. Are you talking Ralph Cramden from the Honeymooners Jackie Gleason show?
ShadowCat
Ugh I’ve got a doozy! I went to an all boys high school…of course right?! And the dudes insisted on playing grab ass in the halls (gay boy heaven!) well this particular guy was in my class and I knew he was straight …aint they all?! But he was cute nonetheless. Well through the year we would casually slap each other on the ass on occasion when we saw each other in the halls! Christmas vacation week we got into an ass slap a thon last one to slap wins, wins what dunno because there was no prize! Well I was getting ready to leave for break and give his booty a tappin, I found him and did get a good handfull of ass of course I should have been paying attention ahead of me but I was looking back giving him a smirk when it happened, I tripped over someone’s foot, fell forward, went down with a thud, all my books on my back making me a turtle in the hallway! I stopped slapping his ass after that! UGH CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE!!!!!!
maallyn
I have had a crush on Jim Morrison of The Doors for at least 5000 years. Still today, when I do lectures at the Spark Museum of Electrical Invention here in Bellingham and we talk about early records, I sometimes mention to the patrons that I have a strong crush on Jim Morrison and they love it!
Josh447
He was a waking talking sex God. Bruce Springsteen also got me going more than once.
ricdardc1
” I was in Boston. getting ready for a blind date , the guy was way above my League. so I thought i’d cut my hair with clippers with a no. 2 guard. Get this I forgot the guard and shaved my head, before I noticed what I had done. I was stupid enough to try & cover it with a Pen. (IDIOT) I went to a FANCY restaurant with him & spilled wine on the table from being nervous, It was horrible. after the date he asked me if I used a Pen to color my head. Needless to say I never called him again, as if he wanted to see me anyway.