“Gay Love Coach” Finishes What He Started:

It’s finally here – the moment you’ve been waiting for your entire life week: the second part to South African “Gay Love Coach” Brian L. Rzepczynski‘s (hopefully) arousing erection emancipation. Rzepczynski, you remember, has made it his life’s work to ensure a life of sexual freedom for the world’s reluctantly celibate.

In part one, Rzepczynski outlined some of the reasons why the hypothetical you might find himself unenthusiastically abstinent, including social superficiality, religious beliefs and general awkwardness. He then you some advice on how to overcome those cultural barriers.

Now, armed with Rzepczynski’s vast knowledge, you’re ready to really grab the reins and ride. Or, at least, cope with the fact that people think you’re totally vile and wouldn’t fuck you to save their dying mother.

Rzepczynski justifies his love-related sequel:

Part 2 will now identify some possible strategies that you as an individual might utilise in coping with a lack of sexual intimacy to assist in continuing to live a full and satisfying life…By creating new outlets for expression, you may find some relief and new experiences that could enrich your life.

Among these so-called “new experiences”, Rzepczynski includes the not-so-new and not-so-experimental masturbation and fantasize. Groundbreaking, indeed.

But, of course, neither involves other people, so Rzepczynski suggests some other, shall we say, counter-culture tactics:

One thing you can do is to take a leadership role and create and market your own support group in your community for friendship and support. Or even create your own online forum or discussion list devoted to this topic to create a network of support for socialization and the sharing of tips and strategies for managing celibacy.

So, basically, he’s saying all these celibate gay men should come together to bitch about how they’re not having sex? Wow, sounds like a blast.

If you’re not convinced, perhaps we can offer a somewhat-related, albeit far more entertaining scheme: gather as many pent-up homos as possible, lock yourselves in a room and work each other over until you’re all dripping in cum. Works every time.

Rzepczynski also thinks that enrolling sex education classes, taking a long bath and perhaps some sport may help. If none of those things work, there’s nothing left but to just give up and worry about something else:

Rather than getting bummed about your absent sex life, take this time as an opportunity to refocus your goals on things in your life you’d like to achieve. Putting so much emphasis on your sex life could be distracting and preventing you from following through with important life goals that would help you accomplish your vision… Keeping busy with productive, life-affirming activities does help!

We have to admit he’s got a point. Although, we’d still rather be getting fucked than doing something “productive”, whatever that means.

The most important thing to keep in mind when trying to boost your booty intake is to keep a positive attitude. Well, at least about yourself. And for those of you who don’t think you’re sexy, heed Rzepczynski’s call, “No matter who we are, we are all sexy and special in our own way.” Except for the, like, really busted and socially repulsive. You’re not so sexy. You are, however, special and we’re sure you’ll find love with somebody just as grotesque. And if not love, maybe a little blowie. Or, at the very least, a mutual wank.