Gay Marriage Will Kill 900K Unborn Babies, Say Conservative Lawyers Who Just Can’t Quit

141205_POL_GayAdoption.jpg.CROP.promovar-mediumlargeThere’s grasping at straws, and then there’s this: A group of 100 conservative “scholars” have filed a last-ditch argument to try and convince the US Supreme Court that national same-sex marriage will result in 900,000 more abortions over the next 30 years. That sounds pretty serious — so for the sake of the unborn children, let’s hear them out.

Get ready for the most deranged version of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie you’ve ever heard.

  • If you legalize same-sex marriage, “traditional marriage” will be unavoidably undermined. No two ways about it.
  • If traditional marriage loses its cultural reverence, straight men and women will be much less incentivized to marry at all. If the gays can do it, why should they?!
  • Once that happens, other similarly traditional values like monogamy “will likewise crumble.”
  • Legions of unmarried women sleeping around can only spell one thing — abortions, abortions, abortions. 900 thousand to be exact.

It’s “a short and simple causal chain that the Supreme Court would be wise not to set in motion,” says Gene Schaerr, the former clerk of Justice Antonin Scalia who officially filed the brief, though even he admits to The Washington Post that, “it is still too new to do a rigorous causation analysis using statistical methods.”

Still, the brief argues:

Even a 5 percent drop in marriage rates in the United States over the next thirty years would have deep and dire consequences. The logic is simple: fewer women marrying means fewer children born, more children born out-of-wedlock—and indeed, more children aborted. Conservatively estimating that only half of that 5 percent increase in the number of unmarried women would result in women who never marry, this means that there would be 1.275 million more women who never marry and almost 600,000 more children who will be born outside of marriage. This would result in as many as 1.75 million children who will never be born, including about 900,000 who will be aborted. That’s a big deal.

What’s a much bigger deal is the fact that this is literally the best they have at this point. Which is absolutely nothing.

h/t: Gawker