Karamo Brown from the Queer Eye reboot recently down with Gay Times to talk about everything that’s wrong with the gay community, starting with dating apps.
“I think they’re the worst,” Karamo says. “I think they’re horrible. I do not own an app and never have. I think dating apps are keeping us apart.”
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Not just that, he says, but he believes they “over-sexualize” gay men.
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He continues:
When you talk about the apps that we have, they usually encourage, ‘Send me a photo,’ which is very vague. My photo has nothing to do with the person I am, the dreams I have, the family I want to build, the family I’m from. We’re in a culture now where, if I don’t like you, I don’t have to get to know you, I just have to swipe left. How horrible is that?
Karamo says he prefers meeting people at clubs or other public places.
“It’s much more fun,” he says. “I can’t tell you the last time I met a couple who said, ‘I met on Grindr or Scruff, and I’m in a long term relationship.’ It just does not happen.”
Karamo says he also isn’t a huge fan on Pride, mainly because he feels that, too, is “over-sexualized.”
For example, he recalls:
On the latest season of America’s Next Top Model they had an episode where they go to Los Angeles Pride, and the shots are of these go-go boys with their d*cks out and people grinding on each other, and I was like, “Oh my gosh – this can’t be the image this producer is sending out to middle America when they think about Pride.” It’s so much more than that. It’s about our struggle, our journey, our ancestors, how far we’ve come, and where we’re going.
Karamo believes when gay people act like “sexual deviants” it only validates people’s prejudices against the entire LGBTQ community. And that’s not cool.
“I can only equate it to the African American community where we’d be putting out images ourselves of violent crime movies,” he says. “It doesn’t mean that crime doesn’t happen in every community, but that’s perpetuating a stereotype that’s already there.”
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Also, Karama adds, it doesn’t send a good message to youth.
“Our youth are over-sexualized and it’s so sad,” he explains. “You think about Pride celebrations; I’ve never been able to bring my own children – except for maybe once or twice – or the youth I used to work with to Pride celebrations.”
Why not?
“Because for them to be walking down the street to be learning what it is to be a proud member of this community, and then see d*cks out… that’s just not healthy for a 15-year-old.”
tomj777
What a hypocrite. “It’s all too sexualized,” says the man posting nearly naked photos of himself all over the place.
sanfranca1
I agree. He had me for about 30 seconds, then I see all the suggestive photos, which are counter to what he’s saying.
Godabed
first of all queerty picked these photos. Second the man is a Model a if you looked on his social media, he has way more pictures of him with his clothes on than off.
I think Queerty proved his point by just showing him in towels and shirtless.
projo
I do agree with everything he is saying but you are right – these photos just negate every word he said. I think he contributes to the very problem that he is talking about!
CanadianGuy62
Godabed…it matters not that he’s a model. He has modelling pics that are highly sexualised. He has made money off of the sexualisation of society (gay or straight, it doesn’t matter) and now is calling out the gay community on being highly sexualised.
That is pretty much a textbook example of hypocrisy.
JaredNorthcutt30
We should all go around as never nudes, right? That way, nobody smells of hypocrisy. That’s why I became an asexual trans woman, honey! Nobody’s seeing my titties and vagina. Y’all cismen get that one body part, the pe-pe-peen. Sad.
Kangol
He’s a really beautiful man. I’m glad that he’s gotten a nice gig on the new Queer Eye.
But seriously, does Karamo Brown (you misspell his name as “Karama” at one point, GG) not see the irony in criticizing men for posting sexualizing photos on Grindr and other apps, yet he posts semi-nude, clearly erotic photos (you can see his d!ck print above, for chrissakes!) on Instagram?
This goes not just for Karamo but all the other scolds and people policing consenting adults’ behavior, particularly consenting gay, bi and trans adults, why not just let consenting adults live their lives and stop telling them/us how to live? We get enough of that. If people are not harming each other or themselves, please, give up the Church Lady preaching.
Mkiel
You are so right .I’m fed up with guys who after 5 minutes of “fame” think they can preach to all of us their way of thinking.I certainly don’t want anyone to speak for me. I don’t like apps & never use them but I do not tell others how to live their
lives.
CastleSF
It is not about condemning what many promiscuous gays do in their bedroom. It is important to have a sane voice that says that promiscuity is not in gays’ best interest and that whoring around with no sense of shame is a sign of low self-esteem and a character flaw.
Kangol
@CastleSF, you and your clone Danny are always dictating to others how to live, but seriously, attend to your own house first. Like I said, I think Karamo is beautiful and I’m glad he’s got his gig. When he was on MTV’s *The Real World* years ago (anyone else remember him on that?) he discussed the homophobia he’d encountered from his father, so I celebrate his journey towards his truth and becoming someone who can help other LGBTQ people. But it sort of negates his suggestion about photos when he posts a semi-nude photo of himself with his d!ck print showing. It’s not like someone randomly snapped him walking on a beach; he posted it himself. Do you not see the contradiction there?
ChrisK
@Kangol. Actually Danny595 and CastleSF are coming from the same troll.
Aires the Ram
Well, I can understand what he’s saying, and I agree with ‘part’ of it, just not all of it. I think his opinion comes from being born way too late to remember what us ‘baby-boomer’ aged gay guys remember. The hiding, the furtive blow-j%b@s in rest areas and boat ramps and parking areas at night, the constant worry that your employer, your family, your straight friends, your neighbors, would “find out”. These young guys didn’t, and don’t, have these kinds of experiences. As they say, to not learn one’s history, dooms you to repeat it. He’s a product of his generation. He doesn’t know the joy and freedom that the gay liberation brought us, the pride parades in the big cities where for one lousy day, you could be, quite simply, YOU.
JaredMacBride
he seems to think everything is “over-sexualized.” That’s what people say when they aren’t getting any.
Jonathan5865
You’re crazy if you think this guy would have any trouble “getting any”
Donston
I mean, I agree to a definite extent despite whatever hypocrisy might be on display. Let’s be real. If it weren’t for his sex appeal would he have gotten this TV gig? But yeah, sex does seem to still be at the forefront of all of this. If the new thing, the “evolved” thing is to look at orientation beyond sexual attractions, who you like to fvck and/or “lifestyle” and see it also as passion, romantic love and emotional connection then sex needs to be a bit less of a dominate aspect of the “movement”. Plus, the hyper focus on sex and sexual behavior doesn’t help gay, gay-leaning, queer people break through their internalized homophobia, internalized trans-phobia, self-loathing, hetero worship, hetero envy, etc. It often just makes those worse. And I’ve always believed that mental health and self-respect are things we are frightened to dive into. But these things don’t sell well and don’t equate to a “good time”.
I just don’t wish to be a killjoy. And while I’ve only been to one pride parade it wasn’t overly sexualized. Then again, it was in a the mid-west.
CastleSF
Every time you say gay, gay-leaning, queer people to sound inclusive, it is cringe-worthy. One word is sufficient and precise, gays. You are either gay or not gay. Neither is right or wrong but take your side for God’s sake.
Donston
Well, considering orientation and sense of gender is indeed a “spectrum” it is important to be inclusive in some ways. But yeah, I’m also talking about people like myself who have some bisexuality/pan-sexuality in their orientation but whose substantial and ssustained desires, passions and romantic satisfaction lean well towards the same gender or trans people. The “gay lifestyle” being presented as something shameful and limiting but also as something shallow, insubstantial and sex driven certainly didn’t help me fully embrace myself. And I’ve spoken to people who also struggled with it partially because of those things as well. So, what he’s saying is not complete BS.
Tobi
“My photo has nothing to do with the person I am…”
… says the Selfie-Queen.
Godabed
he’s a model…
Tobi
Ah, for the before shots… !
SarcasaticMisanthrope
You need to zip your lip there whippersnapper. I hope someone discovers a old profile yours on a dating app that you diss. Just because you are on some asinine TV show on Netflix, doesn’t mean you dictate what other guys do.
CastleSF
He is just providing a sound piece of advice, which you happen not to have wisdom nor the maturity to appreciate. How is he dictating anyone when he is just expressing his opinion?
Danny595
@CastleSF – You will find that in any discussion of promiscuity, there will be a raft of comments about how we shouldn’t “dictate” or “force” people to be monogamous. Purveyors of promiscuity can’t defend it or justify it, so they change the subject, pretending that it is about sending the police into the bedroom. Every time you see a comment like that, recognize it as an admission that they have no real argument.
Bob Scardino
Who cares what he says.
KaiserVonScheiss
He ain’t wrong, folks.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
“Hypocrisy is a tribute vice pays to virtue.”
He’s not necessarily entirely wrong.
For many, especially other less permissive cultures around the world, Pride is the shopwindow into LGBT life…some would aver that it can sometimes be a distorting mirror
Danny595
Wow. He nailed it. I never would have thought that I would be praising anyone associated with that show, but this Karamo guy is the real deal.
surreal33
Mixed message yes, but a message none the less. Yes, the softcore porn photos are redundant. The is message is extremely relevant apps, pride, are just about sex. It would nice if the narrative could shift to self-love, respect, and happiness, not gratuitous sex.
chris33133
He never states that anyone should do anything.
He says that some visuals reinforce stereotypes — which could serve as the basis for telling minorities of all sorts how to behave. And we already know that well behaved women never make history; so that’s not going to happen.
And he also says that some things are unhealthy for 15 year olds to see. That is why, I thought, there is a movie and TV rating system. So enforce it; don’t tell adults how o behave because the children might be watching.
I’ve struggled too much and for too long for anyone to tell me how to behave at this point in my life. And if anything, I’d be proud to be that person you’re warned not to become because I wasted so much of my life avoiding being that person.
CastleSF
You are just like any other angry gays who love to carry that victim mentality. You are so rebellious for all the wrong reasons that you are just incapable of receiving any good advice at this point.
Veno
Agreed. I grew up in the the south, in the hood. I swear some of these commentators grew up in a bubble or some shit.
chris33133
I have no victim mentality. What I have is no patience for someone who’s not lived very much telling me how to behave and live my own life.
StupidBoy
I love how totally ripped, pretty model boys love to tell the rest of the gay community what is good for them. Tell this to the drag queens who were jailed and died protesting for your rights. Tell this to the 70-year-old gay couple who couldn’t get legally married until a couple years ago. Tell this to the husband of a gay man in ICU who couldn’t visit because he wasn’t family. Tell this to the family members of the AIDS quilt.
I’ve never seen people at Pride day with their dick out and trying to sexualize teenagers. I saw a lot of LGBTQ people having a fun time and celebrating themselves. Do “Dykes On Bikes” want dicks wiggled at them? I have a feeling they might have something to say on the matter.
I watched an episode an a half of Queer Guys until they got to the semi-closeted Black guy (with a totally ripped Black boyfriend) and when they got to his clothes and said, “OMG, you’re TOTALLY ripped!” I left the show and went to watch Voltron.
I don’t doubt there may have been guys with their dicks out at LA Pride, but don’t disparage Pride all over because of a niche. Go tell the town in Mississippi whose Pride day got denied by the city council that you don’t support Pride.
projo
I agree w/ him about the pride parade comments. It would be nice if they could be just a bit more political and have some meaning beyond guys dancing in jockstraps and playing w/ themselves. That does nothing for our community.
Kangol
But “guys dancing in jockstraps” IS political. When other (straight and closeted) adults are telling you, an adult, how to behave even though they often cannot get their own damned acts together, speaking out, being visible, and challenging their hypocrisy is political. I have participated and helped to organize LGBTQ Pride events in the past. They are not LGBTQ-but-do-not-offend-sensitive-straight-people events, because as our history has shown again and again, begging, covering, and passing in order not to offend straight people is not going to get us anything. Change comes not from the silent but from those who speak up, out, and are willing to fight for their–and our–equality. And that equality includes being who we are, even if it upsets some people, including some of us.
Donston
I think it’s about balance. Attractions, passions, desires, arousals and sexual enjoyment are big parts of who everyone is. Sex shouldn’t be squeezed out of the equation. Yet, sometimes it’s hard to suss out exactly the main agenda of lgbtq+. In theory and in general, it’s supposed to be about being yourself, being honest, not living in shame or fear, internal and external acceptance. But when you’re constantly fed sex and narcicism and romanticism it does confuse and diffuse the message and it mares the practicality.
There’s a reason I’ve only been to one Pride parade. There’s a reason I stopped going to gay clubs by the time I was in my mid 20’s. The whole scene can be exhausting and shallow. The hyper focus on sex not only hurts how “straight” people view us but also how gay, gay-leaning, queer, etc. people who are closeted or who are contending with shame or self-loathing view themselves, and it can make individuals feel even more isolated. He does have a point, though he didn’t explain himself in the eloquent of ways.
CastleSF
Kangol, When I think of some of the outrageous behaviors displayed at all gay events (Gay Pride, Folsom Street Fair and the notorious Dorey Alley Fair in SF where I reside, where gays have semi public sex in the dark alleys and sleazy bars), I am not thinking about how not to offend straights. I don’t kowtow to their feeling or their perception of gays. I simply find those dancing in jock straps distasteful and the dark alley anonymous sex disgusting. You are just another rebellious gay because you are angry at the world you find yourself in and can’t deal with opinions different from yours.
Kangol
@CastleSF, no, you are an angry person who may or may not be gay, who cannot deal with the fact that consenting adults do not follow your narrow program. Sorry, but I don’t have a problem with gay adults living their lives and not harming others. You clearly do. You frequently reproach other gay people for behavior you find “distasteful,” but that’s on you, not them. No one is asking you to dance in a jock strap or even have sex with another man or men. Tune it all out if it offends you.
@Donston, I do hear you. But the reality is our culture in general is sex-saturated. This is not something that only affects LGBTQ people. Straight people sexualize each other non-stop, and it’s only in the last year or so that we’ve begun to see some powerful pushback against how our media culture and powerful individuals in it sexualize, harass and abuse women and girls in particular. I’m sorry your experiences with Pride Parades and events have not been positive, but I can say that I have seen how they provide a very important outlet for LGBTQ people, and can be spaces for empowerment and liberation.
My other challenge to Karamo’s statements is that he’s clearly focused on assuaging the concerns of “Middle America” rather than challenging homophobia and racism. When he mentions Black people putting out films emphasizing criminality, he basically erases 75+ years of the fact that 1) it was white–not black–Hollywood filmmakers and producers putting out negative stereotypes of black people and 2) there has been a parallel history of black filmmakers who challenged those stereotypes, going back to figures like Oscar Micheaux. It’s blaming the victim to appease the conscious of the oppressor, which has things exactly backwards.
The thing is, the brave resisters at Stonewall could have gone along with yet another moment of police brutality and been respectable, not broken the law by fighting back, and just hoping that they might be treated better. The protesters and resisters who marched in the first gay pride parade in 1970 could have just not marched and remained silent, scared (because violence against them was a real possibility), and worried about what most straight New Yorkers back then felt. And on and on. It cannot be said enough that most of the changes in this and any other society have come as a result of struggle: the end of chattel slavery, the fight for civil rights for African Americans, women’s right to vote and equality under the law, better working conditions for most Americans, LGBTQ equality, same-sex marriage, etc. We’re given nothing based on good behavior and the beneficence of people in power. Sometimes aspects of these struggles offend Middle America, but the end goal is and should be equality. I.e., sometimes Middle America is going to be offended.
Coreydnyc
That’s so strange that u say that because all I did was complain about how political NYC pride was this year. and the turn its taken is not for the better
JaredNorthcutt30
What about rape culture and the Times Up movement? People do not want to be accosted by dicks in public. FACT.
Veno
Yeah.. no. You can miss me with this bullshit.
I get it, you want us to impress our big straight brothers but just because you want to kiss their ass don’t force us all to pucker up too..
chris33133
Thank you.
Ummmm Yeah
He’s right and a hypocrit but that being right part puts him way a head of the majority.
Notright
Yawn. If you don’t want to have sex then don’t have sex. A friend of mine is doing a survey of gay men and penis size for his thesis and needs data. Can you guys please take a 5 question survey? https://packedman.com/gay-men-penis-size/
Thanks
trelin
I find this enormously hypocritical. If he believes what he’s preaching to the community, then drop all social media. The mere act of taking a picture of yourself (selfie) is the pretty selfish. I do feel that this community is highly sexualized, but then you have to approach the our rebellion of heteronormativity. That’s where it gets foggy.
Meh. Next.
KMK
The younger generation has been so socialized to live as straight people and to incur the model of heteronormative behaviors and I’m not so sure this is a good thing. Each individual is free to walk their own path. I am not suggesting that I have anyone else’s answers besides my own – however – I believe gay people bring a special spiritual gift to this world that is intentionally different than that of our heterosexual peers; our path is different and that includes how we interact with each other (including sex). I would agree that apps might not be the best vehicle for meeting the love of your life – but maybe they offer an opportunity to bring someone into your life for a reason you don’t understand – just as if you might have met them in a bar, or on a bus or at work. Every encounter you have with another human being is holy – we should honor that whether or not sex is involved – period. Most importantly – honor your sexuality, and thank your god for it – use it to bring more joy and happiness into the world – not more fear and judgement. Use it how it makes sense to you personally, and most importantly – allow others to do the same without slut shaming.
CastleSF
Your pseudo-spirituality talk is misguided, off-base, and full of entitlement craps. Everyone, gay or straight, brings a special gift to this world but that doesn’t mean that gays can act out in a self indulgent way and engage in reckless behaviors. Your explicit endorsement of hookup apps exposes your true
sentiment — gay entitlement to act irresponsibly — and justify it by saying that “everything into your life is for a reason”, including doing drugs – yes because we are gays – and acting outrageously like dancing in jock straps in public events. You entitlement thinking is a toxic derivative from the crazy 70’s and 80s. Thankfully the younger generation is so much wiser that you can’t fool them with your old outdated tricks.
qbdkusoemv1
This is a classic example of victim-blaming. The problem is not gay men’s behavior but rather straight men’s prejudices and intolerance. We need to stop blaming ourselves for homophobia and start blaming the homophobes.
Andre
Yea queerty is super shady for using these photos to negate the message he is trying to give. Smh
Caligari
Sorry, Karamo, I didn’t hear a word you said, because I was too busy staring at your naked, sexualized torso.
Dansktex
He could barely keep his zipper UP on that episode at the fire station. It was embarrassing how he wouldn’t leave the blonde (probably straight) fireman alone. I liked him in the other episodes, but I kept feeling that I was watching sexual harassment in the one with the fireman.
Gigi Gee
Apps are bad and Pride is bad? He needs to stop talking.