can't tuck this

Gay Musician Beats Boys, and Pays For the Pleasure: How Those Vicious Gay Rumors Start

This morning we were shocked – shocked – to read on Blind Gossip about a closet case musician who “beats up gay hustlers.” What’s with those hammer weilding rappers who hate The Gays?

Since Michael Jackson is (mostly) officially dead, the internets were alive with speculation, and the comments on Blind Gossip round-up hit all the usual suspects: Nelly, stand-by Chris Brown (he beats up girls, therefore straight people think he’s gay instead of just an abusive straight guy), 50 Cent (NOT!), and Jay-Z (squint and Beyonce does kinda like she could be tucking).

Of course, we immediately thought “Mike Tyson” but then remembered that Robin Givens’ ex, and former boxer/ear biter, now lives happily with his boo in Vegas. Out of the box, we thought BIlly Cosby, or Pharrel (What ELSE could he be lugging around in his suitcase but toys?) Geesh, is this how vicious rumors get started?

Gossip being equal parts distorted information, fantasy, and pop culture, the most truly likely candidate is .. none of the above. Instead, we imagine it’s Ellen’s B.F.F., the Biebs, is the closeted rageaholic john. Consider: he dates Selena Gomez (who does, in fact, look like any number of girls working Santa Monica Boulevard & La Brea.) Viva La Beiber!”

Time will tell. No doubt, we’ll find out when one of these sex workers is beaten — to death, Cunanan style! Can’t tuck that.