Gay People, Like, Totally Love Hilary Duff

Hilary Duff may be the biggest fag hag singer in history. Bigger than Cher, even. Yes, we know it’s a bold statement, but she fulfills all the prerequisites: she’s disturbingly ageless, she’s a singer and, as if that’s not enough, she can win over the hearts of the most seemingly “hardcore” gay Barneys employee. Or, so she says…

Consider this interview with New Now Next‘s John Polly in which she muses on the magnitude of her ‘mo magnetism:

I was in Barneys, shopping. And there’s this kid who works there, who’s like, really young. And he looks like a hardcore kid, you know? And he was staring at me, and I was like, “Oh God. I’m probably about to get some rude comment. He probably hates me and thinks I suck.”
Because he looked like a really hardcore kid, even though he works at Barneys. And he comes up to me and goes, “So, when am I going to get your new single? I’m gay, and I love you, and I’m just so happy that you’re doing this dance music because I can go out and dance with my friends, and we’ll hear you in the clubs!”

Like, wow.

Okay, now that we’ve gathered our senses, we have some really tricky questions: First of all, do you think Duff prejudges everyone, or just guys who work at Barneys? Second of all, why did the guy who works at Barneys feel the need to tell Duff he’s gay. Isn’t that obvious enough? Seriously, he works at Barneys. Also, since when is “I’m gay” the first thing you say to someone? Sure, we’re out of the closet, but it sure does seem a little awkward. We think she just assumed he’s gay. And rightfully so. Again: he works at Barneys. This, of course, brings us to our final and most pressing question: how “hardcore” can a Barneys employee look?

Speaking of hardcore, Duff also informed Polly, “…there’s this thing called The White Party that I think I’m going to perform at, which is really exciting.” It certainly is, Ms. Duff, it certainly is…

As for whether Duff’s the biggest fag hag singer in history – there’s a hidden code somewhere in this post. Find it and you’ll know the truth. Be warned: you’ll never be the same…