A British TikTok creator has seen a recent video go viral. It’s clearly touched a nerve with a large number of gay guys.
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First, Joe connects with someone online and agrees to go on a date. Fast forward five weeks and the new love interest is messaging Joe’s flatmate looking for a hookup. Joe reasons that this is OK as they’ve not discussed being exclusive yet and are taking things slowly (oh boy!).
This is followed by him receiving vague messages from his love interest days after he messages him. It ends with him receiving a message weeks later in the middle of the night. The man he dated wants to know if he’s awake, clearly just looking for a booty call.
The video has had over 63k views. Many of the men commentating said that the clip was all too relatable.
“So accurate and so tragic – we are doomed haha,” said one.
“People keep saying they want to take is slow so they can hook up with other people. So misleading,” agreed another.
In fact, several women chimed in to say that this isn’t just a gay experience, but is one they’ve also encountered.
“Not much different to my dating experience with guys,” said one woman. “Men will be men no matter who they like.”
Joe, 32, told Queerty “I created that TikTok video just for a laugh but in a small way I did it to reach out to any gay men who have been let down by a guy they liked who eventually let himself fizzle away.”
“There have been a few guys in the past that have done this to me,” he continued on a more serious note, “although not many. One of the lessons I learned from my first heartbreak is that ‘if he likes you, he’ll text. If he doesn’t, he won’t’.”
Joe says that he believes apps like Grindr have had a big impact on gay romance. He thinks many men find it hard to delete them, even after they find a nice guy, as they’ve grown so accustomed to gaining validation through them.
“If Mr Right wants a monogamous relationship then those apps inevitably have to go. And so with them goes all those messages from all those guys that think you’re good looking enough with a hot body that they want to have sex with. That all disappears, and you are faced with trying to be content with the admirations of just one guy – Mr Right. This is the mindframe of those guys who get our hopes up, only to fade away once he’s gotten the validation of knowing that he could have you if he wanted to.”