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Gay Stereotypes

We almost blew our load when we read this article. There’s just so much to discuss. It comes to us from ABC News and seeks to uncover the truth behind gay stereotypes. As an opener, reporters John Stossel and Gena Binkley chat it up with the world’s leading gay experts, Carson Kressley and Ted Allen to define some gay stereotypes.

It’s that you’re obsessed with fashion, and that you tan a lot and that you color your hair,” they said. But, says Allen, the stereotypes are not always true. “Not all gay men are superstylish. Not all straight men are bad dressers,” he said.

These are two men who’ve made careers of perpetuating stereotypes and they have the balls to sit there and try to dispel them? Fuck, what kind of bizarro world did we wake up in?

Stossel and Binkley then turn their attention to Michael Bailey, a psychology professor from Northwestern who once helped 20/20 construct a gaydar test for television. Among his words of wisdom, Bailey says:

There’s no obvious reason why sexual orientation should be associated with how masculine or feminine one is, but it is in our species. And it probably has to do with the causes of sexual orientation and early effects of hormones on the brain.

Wait, it gets worse.

Gay men absolutely talk differently, on average. You can tell far better than chance who’s a gay man from just listening to him say four sentences.

Nice, but we think his arguments may be lacking something, so we’re going to add a few other “true” things about gays. One, all gay people have AIDS because they’re all slutty drug addicts. Two, gay people want nothing less than to see the world die off from lack of reproduction. As this mission undoubtedly takes a while, gay people shall satisfy themselves by molesting and, in rare cases, eating your children. Three, all gay people like it in the butt. Why? Hormones, of course.