Forty-six-year-old Rob probably says it best: “Why do men send [dick pics]? Because we’re horny. Dumb and horny.” New York Magazine’s The Cut recently asked 10 men of varying ages and sexual orientations why they send out photos of their junk and their answers, while not particularly shocking, do illuminate the difference between the way straight and gay guys approach the cock shot. (The guys’ occupations — baker, mechanic, software engineer — also read kinda like a post-modern Village People lineup, so that’s fun.)
The number one take-away for straight guys: don’t send it if she doesn’t want it! You’d think that would go without saying, but almost every straight dude in this probably extremely informal survey made a point of saying they don’t — as 37-year-old Anthony so eloquently put it — “dick bomb” women. #MaleFeminism, I guess?
And surprisingly, straight guys seem to really appreciate the difference good lighting and a well-composed image can make! “With the wrong cinematography and lighting, the dick pic can be a colossal tragedy,” says Rob, 46.
Related: Boy Band Heartthrob Calum Hood Casually Shares Dick Pic With Fans: “Now Ya Know What It Looks Like”
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On the other hand, straight guys seem to show an alarming lack of creativity when it comes to the kind of sexualized pics then can send: “If you’re going to sext with a lady and she shows you a nipple, you have no choice but to send a dick pic.” Meanwhile, gay dudes have other…assets to show off. “In gay circles and/or networks and/or apps, not only is the dick pic a courtesy, many decide to skip the dick pic altogether and go for the asshole pic, a starfish selfie,” according to 39-year-old videographer Michael — and the actual lived experience of pretty much everyone we know.
Unsurprisingly, the gay guys polled had a much more laissez-faire attitude toward dick pics — they’re just a fact of life for many of us. And while 33-year-old Charlie claims not to send shots of his unit, he does reap the benefits of all the straight phallus his gal-pal has in her photo library.
Related: Nude Pic Etiquette: Five Tasteful Tips For Photographing Your Junk
Then there’s this masterpiece of gay sexual ennui, courtesy of 32-year-old Tanner:
“There’s little explanation beyond this: I do it because I have to if I want sex. In the gay world, a dick pic is the equivalent of small talk, especially on any sort of sex app. There’s usually a hello, a few back-and-forths before showing your dick is the expected next step. At this point, dick pics aren’t exciting anymore. I don’t even try to take good ones myself because it just doesn’t matter — they’re more of a sign you’re breathing than any real barometer of whether a dude will have sex with you.”
Someone put Tanner on suicide watch! If you get a dick pic, you know he’s still breathing.
Stache
I don’t mind dick pics but try to take them in decent lighting and make it worth my while. Also, I like a nice sexy ass shot. Just no Starfish pics.
Roan
Actually, Tanner is right on the money with this. As an aside, I had a guy send me an unsolicited dick pic…. erect… with a dime and two nickels set on top of his dick. That was the length of it. A dime and two nickels. I asked him where was the other 80 cents?
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Pics with three three piece suit only (and that’s not a double entendre!)
Paco
@Stache: unsolicited starfish pics are the worst.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Send pics of your starfish? I’m imagining the beautiful art and touching ballads that will inspire in years to come
# The first time ever I saw your ……..
dubstepskater
@Roan: lol…
kzen64
I just like getting the compliments…
Never send unless asked.
LAisthebest
Nine out of 10 ass selfies are either revolting or just make the sender look ridiculous. The one out of 10 who actually figures out how to make it look hot almost make up for the rest though.
OzJosh
I still don’t get it. I’m old enough to have been out and proud in the 70s and 80s (pre-AIDS) when there was probably more wild and brazen sexual activity than there is now, in this easy-access internet and hook-up app era. But I don’t recall anyone ever asking to see someone’s junk before agreeing to go home with them, much less making it a non-negotiable pre-requisite for sex. Sure, this might have resulted in being underwhelmed by a guy’s endowment on a rare occasion. But you know what? Some of those under-endowed guys were the best sex ever. One of two of them were also the nicest or funniest guys ever, and great to spend time with, or make friends with. And you know what else? Deciding whether to have sex with someone based on their personality or our two personalities clicking was a whole helluva lot more reliable way of finding fun – random or regular – than choosing the best looking penis in a line-up.
Billy Budd
I find it ridiculous and unnecessary and this is not motivated by the fact that I have an average sized dick.
Chris
This is one of those things that I hope “After Louis” explains to me.
A dick pic, forwarded by an angry ex-, can cause a heap of trouble. And no, it’s not a question of the attitude you take when someone receives it. It’s a question of being called into HR and being reamed out for your poor judgement.
onthemark
What’s with the eggplant “meme” lately? This is new. What happened to bananas & cucumbers? I’ve seen lots of dicks IRL and only exactly one of them even vaguely resembled an eggplant. (Yeah yeah, he was black and it was huge!) But generally speaking, eggplants don’t usually have the right… shape?
@OzJosh: Great post, thanks!
Kangol
@Billy Budd: TMI. We know all know about your average, circumcised genitals. Why not leave something to the imagination?
cody_duncanson
https://www.paypal.me/codyduncanson
See what five dollars gets you. ?