courtroom drama

Gay Twitter™ is obsessed with Gwyneth Paltrow’s ski crash trial & we hope Ryan Murphy is taking notes

Gwyneth Paltrow in a white sweater and glasses looking unamused.

Gay Twitter™ has a new memable icon: Gwyneth Paltrow

The often-mocked wellness and lifestyle influencer is standing trial for allegedly crashing into a man on a ski slope seven years ago, which he says caused him to suffer life-altering injuries.

Terry Sanderson is seeking $300,000 in damages from Paltrow. (Down from $3.1 million, which he originally asked for.)

But Paltrow claims he actually crashed into her, and is counter-suing for $1 plus the cost of her legal fees.

The details only get messier from there. Somewhere, Ryan Murphy is already thinking of how to make this whole thing into a Netflix series.

The 50-year-old actress took the stand Friday and acted like a stoic ice queen, calmly telling the opposing attorney she’s just “telling her the truth of what actually happened.”

It’s all she can do.


Meanwhile, Sanderson says the longtime actress collided into him from behind, slamming her poles into his shoulder blades. “Serious, serious smack. I’ve never been hit that hard,” he said on the stand Monday, via CBS News.

He says he went “flying,” and let out a “blood-curdling scream.”

“I’m like living another life now,” he said.

Sanderson also says he suffered four broken ribs and a concussion. He can’t ski anymore.

Sad story. But don’t forget: Paltrow is suffering, too.

She lost half a day of skiing!


Paltrow isn’t necessarily becoming a yassified icon for her responses on the stand; but rather, for the vibe she’s giving off. She’s in total Miranda Priestly-mode, cool as a cucumber while commanding the courtroom with her presence alone.

Her outfit for Tuesday’s proceedings was an all-time serve.

Twitter gays aren’t the only ones swooning over Paltrow’s dignified air. The plaintiff’s attorney is stanning, too.

During one particularly bizarre round of questioning, she asked Paltrow her height (just under 5’10, in case you were wondering), and then let out a personal admission. “I am so jealous,” she cooed. “I have to wear 4-inch heels just to make it to 5-foot-5.”

She also asked Paltrow about her ski outfit. Girl, get a grip!

But wait! The trailer only gets campier.

The lawyer, Kristin VanOrman, grills Paltrow on her relationship with… Taylor Swift? Throughout the line of question she acts like a ravenous gay who’s sniffed out a way to maybe score tickets for her sold-out The Eras tour.

Seriously, Ryan Murphy. How’s that script coming along?