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Gays Accepting Holy Communion Commit Perjury, Says Legal Advisor To The Vatican

receiving communionIn an announcement surprising no one, Edward Peters, a legal advisor to the Vatican, and the Archbishop of Detroit have claimed that homosexual Catholics participating in holy Communion—the most routine of The Seven Sacraments—are not entitled to it, and accepting it would be an act of perjury.

Flavorless wafers and juice are regularly consumed by Catholics around the globe in the ceremonious ritual every Sunday, believing it to be the actual body and blood of Christ. Gay people thinking they’re also entitled to such a sacred thing is just crazy, right?

“Catholics who promote same-sex marriage act contrary to Catholic law,” Peters posted to his blog, which is probably now receiving the most traffic it’s ever had. “They “should not approach for holy Communion.” Peters failed to address the countless suppressed homosexual priests and altar boys that enjoy snacking on the wafers and juice after quickies behind the altar.

“This sort of behavior would result in publicly renouncing one’s integrity and logically bring shame for a double-dealing that is not unlike perjury,” added Allen Vigneron, the Archbishop of Detroit, who also denies crackers to parishioners that femininely saunter down the aisle toward him with outstretched palms and a sexy, ‘come hither’ look.

Yes, this means the Catholic faith has embraced aliens before gays. No word yet on whether or not gay aliens will be affected.

On:           Apr 8, 2013
Tagged: , ,
    • Dakotahgeo

      Receiving Holy Communion in the RCC by a GLBT person is perjury? Sooo… little boys and girls who are screwed and/or sucked by the Catholic hierarchies, and Brothers/Priests, are they committing sexual abuse, sodomy, and fellatio and they’re guilty of rape, and pederasty, correct?? Ahhhh… yes, now it all makes sense!!! HYPOCRITES!!!!

      Apr 8, 2013 at 6:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ridpathos

      LOL! I love the headline of this article. “No snacks for you!”

      Apr 8, 2013 at 7:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dakotahgeo

      @Ridpathos: ROFLMBO!!! I completely missed that part!! Thanks for my belly laugh for the day!

      Apr 8, 2013 at 8:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • vonlmo

      I delight in walking to the altar. I’m hopeing that the RC Church moves to excommunicate me, I double dog dare them.

      Apr 8, 2013 at 9:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ottoman

      One wonders why the wafers aren’t immediately thrown up by all the Catholics on birth control. Jesus’ sacred body interacting with all those nasty unholy chemicals and all.

      Apr 8, 2013 at 9:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RichieW

      Well what about the Catholics who flout Catholic law as regards birth control, should they also be banned from receiving the sacrament of holy communion? If that was the
      case they would have no one or virtually no one receiving it. Sorry but even many of
      the priests would not be able to have it being that they have committed sodomy or are
      gay. This is coming from an archbishop who protected pedophile priests. He knows
      where he can go. I am a catholic and I will take communion when ever I want to. I do
      not need this bigots permission.

      Apr 8, 2013 at 10:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scribe38

      I would like to come on this site for a month straight and not find some jerk from my state of Michigan knocking down gay people, but I don’t think that it is ever going to happen. :( I would also like to come on this site for one day and not read something bad said about gays from the religious community, but I know that is REALLY NOT going to happen.

      Apr 8, 2013 at 10:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Daniel-Reader

      All members of the Vatican should be charged under Accessory After the Fact for thousands of abuse cases where the perpetrators were shielded by Vatican employees, who essentially profiteered off hiding the criminals.

      Apr 8, 2013 at 11:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kevininbuffalo

      I was raised catholic. I joined the Episcopal Church 38 years ago. No one questions my right to take Communion and if I wanted to get married I would find plenty of priests to do the job. That includes the openly Lesbian pastor of the cathedral. There are plenty of churches and denominations that would welcome GLBT catholics. Why stay where they make it plain that you’re not welcome?
      Guess some people are just masochists.

      Apr 8, 2013 at 11:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwrappaport

      @RichieW: Great point. Where is the doctrinal line? Is it birth control? Gay equality? Abortion? Transsubstantiation? The Serpent of Beth Chadruharazzeb?

      Apr 9, 2013 at 3:04 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Billysees

      Wonder why the catholic church, its leadership and many of its followers seem to be a threatening bunch.

      There’s NOM threatening politicians who support Gay marriage.

      There’s church officials threatening members with communion denial who support Gay marriage.

      I’m not aware that Holy Communion, as I know it, would ever be something that can used for such purposes.

      What’s wrong with this branch of Christianity ?

      A long time ago, the Reformation came along that crimped the pride and arrogance of church powers of that period.

      Why do many conservative manifestations of Christianity appear to be so loveless ?

      Apr 9, 2013 at 5:04 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EricNYCity

      but all the people who have been divorced, eat meat on fridays, wear leather, have tatoos, etc… they can still get communion??

      Apr 9, 2013 at 7:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • doug105

      @Billysees: Yes and they should have noted Edward Peters is father to NOM’s Thomas Peters.
      The rotten fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree.

      Apr 9, 2013 at 7:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LaTeesha

      The Catholic Church is one of the greatest frauds ever invented.

      Apr 9, 2013 at 9:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tdx3fan

      @RichieW: You must need someone’s permission since you are gay and still “worship” as a Catholic. That is beyond sick!

      Apr 9, 2013 at 10:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam

      So would people who are divorced, people who use contraception, people who are unmarried virgins.

      The Church is free to enforce those laws and they will of course have zero parishioners.

      Apr 9, 2013 at 12:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Spike

      They can make up whatever rules they want for their silly religion, if gays want to participate, they will have to abide by those rules.

      Apr 9, 2013 at 1:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Eric Auerbach

      So, not to defend the RCC or anything, but both your headline and your first paragraph are innacurate. The people who shouldn’t take communion aren’t gays, it’s “Catholics who promote ‘same-sex marriage’.”

      Not sure if you printed something other than the truth because you’re unable to read for comprehension, or because you just wanted a more sensational headline.

      Apr 9, 2013 at 7:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Billysees

      @doug105: 13

      Didn’t know that much about the contents of NOM.

      I understand the big names in that group make some big bucks.

      Me-oh-my, the love of money…., what fruit will it spoil next ?

      Apr 10, 2013 at 6:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Billysees

      Check this presentation out —


      See page 24 in particular.

      Very bold for the US Army to create this.

      It’s understandable though.

      Over the years and reading articles like here at Queerty, I become more amazed at how mean spirited religion, Islam and Christianity too, can be…….shocking.

      I never experienced or perceived this stuff when I was younger.

      Apr 10, 2013 at 6:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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