International Affairs

German Men Suck As Lovers, Says Survey Of 15,000 Women

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A survey of over 15,000 women has found that German men are, well, not serving the bratwurst the way they should be.

The Telegraph is reporting the results of the survey conducted by research site OnePoll, which asked a variety of women from different countries to rate different nations on their sexual prowess and give reasons behind their rankings.

Germans? Too smelly. Englishmen? Too lazy. Swedes? Too quick. As for us Americans? Apparently a bit too rough, though we’re sure that wouldn’t be such a bad thing if the survey was made up of gay men.

On the flip side, the women listed the best lovers by country, and at #1 and #2 on the list were Spain and Brazil, respectively. Here are the countries with the best and worst lovers in the world:

WORST:

1. Germany (too smelly)
2. England (too lazy)
3. Sweden (too quick)
4. Holland (too dominating)
5. America (too rough)

BEST:

1. Spain

2. Brazil

3. Italy

4. France

5. Ireland

So there you have it, your travel itinerary for the next few years. Don’t say we never gave you anything.

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31 Comments

  • Dixie Rect

    I agree with the list. Yeah, I’ve been around.

  • DShucking

    Ireland?!

  • jimbryant

    Spain is a very sleazy country. It’s a country soaked in porn. Its economy is in the sh!t tank, and the people are careless and ignorant. I wouldn’t touch a Spaniard with a 10 foot barge pole unless he was a bear.

    As for Brazil, I knew a guy who was from that region of the world. He had a fetish for biting. After a few bites of my arm, I said enough’s enough.

  • balehead

    Unlike this survey and most posters….I’ve actually “had sex” and would disagree….

  • Zekester

    Interesting. Smelly and rough will get you on my Best List. If I wanted someone delicate who smelled like roses then I’d sleep with women.

  • alanj

    @jimbryant:
    I think you forgot the opening statement:
    “IN MY OPINION Spain is a very …..”
    Because you don’t back up any of your Spanish comment with facts, stats or sources.

    As far as a Brazillian biting your arm, that’s perfectly understandable – he was probably trying to escape.

  • DerekR

    @alanj: LMFAO. Can you blame him?

  • Bee Gaga

    Clearly this is only a survey of white people I’ll just say that much.

  • NG22

    I don’t want to be anecdotal, but it doesn’t surprise me that Latin lovers scored high in the survey. Sorry to generalize, but they’re such sensual people.

  • Ditamo

    @NG22: True 4 out of the 5 top countries were of Latin people.

    Majority of Anglo-sextons are bad lovers in general, I though everyone already knew this!??!?

    Just joking

    lol

  • NateOcean

    Spain, Brazil, Italy, France…all make sense, but I can’t believe that Australia was ranked 7th best on the list.

    While they’re a gregarious group and may look good, the few Australians I’ve slept with were uniformly boring and unimaginative and disinterested. As if to say, “can we get this over with so we can break out the Foster’s?”

    And “no”, it’s not me. Being somewhat of a slut, I’ve have a pretty broad sampling, and only experienced that with the Aussies.

  • Ken_K

    There is an old joke that goes something like:

    In heaven,
    English men are the police,
    French men are the chefs,
    Italian men are the lovers, and
    German men are the mechanics.

    In hell,
    English men are the chefs,
    French men are the police,
    Italian men are the mechanics,
    and German men are the police.

    Maybe they Germans are the lovers in hell….

  • alanj

    @NateOcean:
    You’re kidding- no self respecting Australian has been near a Fosters since the eighties.
    7th may have a lot to do with Australia’s multiculturalism.

  • GeriHew

    If you asked me to rate people as lovers by nationality I’d tell you to fuck off.

    Is there any data for the number of women who refused to participate in such an obnoxious survey?

  • JJinAus

    Not in my experience. Smelly? I don’t think so. Really good memories of that Teutonic crumpet.

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  • iMort

    As long as the German men suck….they will be OK by me.

  • stadacona

    Holland – “Too Dominating” – lol obviously this list was not made by gays or Holland would have been ranked #1. Why is this stupid list even on this blog? The hottest men I’ve ever had in my life were English and German. Latinos – Spain, Brazil, Italy are over represented and nothing special. This list is worthless.

  • Jason b.

    Anyone notice the commonality with the top 5. They are all Catholic. That is interesting. I suspect Protestant’s historical Puritanism is part of the issue. The only reason America gets saved is how mixed we are.

  • EdgarCarpenter

    The very best sex I’ve ever had has been with Americans. And the very worst sex I’ve ever had has also been with (different) Americans.

    From my own survey, the quality of lovemaking varies enormously within any country or city, it’s not some uniform style of sex drilled into students in school.

    An earlier commenter claimed all Australian men were bland and uninterested – which is very different from my experience. I met some particularly naughty and intense Australian men, in several cities. Meeting up with the right men is just good fortune, no matter where you are; this Onepoll survey is pretty useless, for men or women.

  • Franklin

    I feel like Germans are very mechanical and passionless when having sex. Don’t get me wrong they’ll make noise and there’s a lot of movement, but there’s a lot missing. Also, I haven’t met very many German men that are good kissers.

  • TinaTheGreat

    @stadacona: In what universe are people from Spain and Italy considered “Latinos”?

    Have you seen a world map?

  • randallreynolds

    NEWSFLASH: American men are “too rough” because our foreskins were all stolen at birth. Circumcision is a human rights violation & a sex crime. The circumcised penis experiences less pleasure than the natural penis, and therefore American men have to be “too rough” in order to feel anything!

  • Jonty Coppersmith

    @randallreynolds:

    Bullsh*t! I was cut for medical reasons at about age 20. There is no significant lessening of pleasure after circumcision.

  • luraa

    I Hate the “made in Germany” photo because I’ve seen it passed around and none of the models are even from Germany.

    It originally said Made in Brazil one of the models Marlon Teixeira is Brazilian/Portuguese, the rest are too.

  • Ditamo

    @TinaTheGreat: I’m pretty sure you are from the US. Latinos are people that talk one of the Western Romantic languages, and had heavy contact with the Roman culture, these include Italy, France, Spain and Portugal (pretty much West mainland Europe).

    Now the reason why US Americans call anything South of their boarders Latino is because majority of those countries have their official language as either Spanish, French or Portuguese, and have some/or many cultural links with their old colonizers.

  • JJinAus

    @NateOcean: You are talking shit. Firstly I don’t know one Australian that drinks Fosters (note lack of possesive) amd I am one beccause that crap is sold overseas. Don’t know who you have been sleeping with but you have clearly never been here.

  • JJinAus

    @Ditamo: ….borders… there is a significant difference in meaning.

  • Ditamo

    @JJinAus: Well thanks for the correction.

  • Stevenw

    Speaking as a indigeous UK citizen, I’d just like to point out that the only thing that separates the Telegraph and the Daily Mail is that the Telegraph is somewhat less hyperbolic.

    Therefore, for those that do not know their UK newspapers, arguing over what the Telegraph (a turgid right-wing borderline piece of tabloid-trash) printed is pointless.

    This is just the usual nationalist stereotyping they peddle on a daily basis. Nothing new. The real shame of all this is that it sells newspapers.

  • SteveDenver

    Since this list is based on 15,000 WOMEN, maybe the verdict should be that a lot of women don’t inspire their lovers.

    I like to start a fucksession in the shower: who wants to lick armpits with deodorant or a neck with cologne? If B.O. or gamey crotch/foreskin puts you off, shower foreplay is a great place to begin.

    As for lazy, I did a college exchange semester in London and found the men quite frisky and playful, not at all lazy.

    Never been to Sweden, but if they’re too quick, do it again and again.

    And rough Americans are the last problem I’ve run into, I like “bunny sex,” but not all the time. How about some grappling and sexy slamming?

    As for Italy being among the best, it was okay. But for gays there are a lot of issues stemming from church and family, and you haven’t experienced arrogance until an Italian queen has rejected you because of your shoes.

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