Drag Queen Whore-O-Scopes
Horoscopes for December 2014
Sagittarius
This month is going to be good for trying new things and coming across new opportunities! Everyone loves you for your witty, fun-loving attitude! Feel your oats by trying different wigs or maybe some new body pads. Remember to stop relying on that body! Your love life will sparkle as long as your spontaneous and joyful ways always shine through.
Capricorn
Your feeling like p*ssy, feelin like c*nt and you are ready to get up in that gig darling! Continue to be the responsible fish that you are, and everything will work in your favor. Everybody loves a professional and focused queen! Some overly-painted qween you hadn’t noticed before is shaking up the way you see the world — which is exactly what is supposed to happen! Let fate guide your next few steps and see what you think.
Aquarius
G-g-gia thinks you need to relax this month henny and take a load off! Remember to rhinestone all your belongings and life will be great. Nobody wants a dull queen! Try not to be too possessive and control that ego girl – you are not Beyonce! Last but not least…How is she though?
Pisces
Feeling insecure this month might be an issue, especially if you’re not feeling like fresh Tilapia! But don’t let that stop you or drag you down. Powder heavy, look down and walk fast…they will never clock your Tea! Continue to be the loving, caring, sensual and dreamy queen that you are. It looks good on you, and people admire you!
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Aries
This is going to be your month of INDEPENDENCE hunty! No more relying on that body or those awful wigs your drag sisters tell you look ABSOLUTELY stunning on you! It’s time to believe in yourself girl and step up to the spotlight, feel your daytime fish and show that you are a FIERCE, FEARLESS QUEEN! Now, being extremely arrogant or impatient isn’t going to get you anywhere either. Remember everyone loves a humble-souled queen! Your love life this month is looking GOOD! Continue to maintain those bold, jealous, temperamental characteristics! Last, but not least, let’s remember we need to always leave some room for those other queens in the spotlight as well! So don’t worry, if you’re feeling ignored or bored, your time will come or maybe….it’s JUST NOT FOR YOU!
Taurus
This month is Tilapia Month, which means Miss Gia Gunn is a Taurus herself! If your birthday has blessed you into the Koi pond, you are automatic FISH henny. Welcome! In December there is lots of joy with the holidays, and we are going to focus on the positive! Continue to be affectionate, persistent and most of all down to earth. Everyone loves a good Taurus who is well-centered and stable. Try not to be so stubborn and hard headed as I like to call it, it’s about time we give people a chance and sometimes just LISTEN. Queens think they be knowing stuff and don’t even know how to glue a lash on! *Wonk Wonk* Love and partnerships are looking hopeful this time around! We know not to give it up on the first date, because it’s all about being a Classy Hoe! I know I am looking for that man who can make me feel secure, give me material comforts, appreciate me….spoil me with gifts….okay – enough about me! But I know any Taurus queen will agree!
Gemini
People like you for being friendly, talkative, active, adaptable, versatile, curious and what? Absolutely sickening! Let’s focus on the positive and embrace those characteristics! If you’re in a relationship, stop trying to be all adventurous and posting ads on Craigslist under the NSA category! It’s about monogamy squirrel friends! And if you’re not in a relationship, well, perhaps it’s because you’re too busy being superficial and all high strung! Sit down, and take a chill pill…it’s not that serious, it’s DRAG! Explore your personal freedom and continue to grow and learn about oneself, take a look in the mirror and FEEL THOSE OATS!
Cancer
Girl stop being all sensitive and emotional, it’s the holidays and it’s time to be jolly baby! Don’t let the hard things in life get you down. Chances are they aren’t even worth it! Concerning the love life, if you are experiencing trouble, I suggest you stop feeling your DIVA and stop being so demanding. There’s only room for one diva in every relationship, and with all these butch queens claiming to be tops there are bound to be issues! However, that’s besides the point! Be sure to embrace your family and friends this holiday season. Your loved ones respect your emotional honesty and sense of commitment!
Leo
Keep chasing those goals and continue to be the ambitious little queen that you are! Or big – we all know there’s room for everybody when it comes to drag! Your fellow squirrel friends are going to be paying extra attention to you this month so be sure to flatter them while being Crazy, CooCoo & C*nt!
Virgo
Tis the season to be nurturing, devoted and considerate! We know we all love some Virgo for these very specific reasons. It’s important that VIrgo’s remember why they are fierce queens and why people appreciate us! Continue to stay highly focused this month and good hard work will pay off! If you’re feeling down go get your hair did or something to spice up your life. We tend to feel how we look! If you can’t get snatched, where yo mug at booboo?!!
Libra
You like to kiki, be friends will all the gays and are very open-minded especially when it comes to creativitiy! Sounds like you ARE the ultimate BUTCH QUEEN! We love our butch queens! If you’re finding difficulty with your relationships I suggest you stop being so damn self-centered! Remember, we need to make room for other queens to feel their oats. The world doesn’t revolve around one person! It’s all about equality and being open to all types of drag! Even if they look like men in wigs!
Scorpio
You, my friend, are definitely in for it this month! Gag me with a Delorean if you will! This month you will experience extra sexual activity based on the vibe that you send out there. At times, your intense, penetrating ways can scare people off! No, no, no…it’s about being soft and sensitive henny! Like FISH. Being jealous, suspicious and controlling is not going to get you very far. Nobody is perfect, but we must all pay attention to our characteristics that may be “too fucking much” at times.
Connect with Gia Gunn on Social Media
Next month’s Horoscopes Presented by: Chicago’s Trannika Rex
Discover more
