BIGGER IS BETTER

Global Penis Envy: David Beckham’s Package May Be Responsible for Growing Penoplasty Demand

You’re not the only one that got a boner watching a nearly-naked David Beckham run through the streets in a recent commercial for his new H&M underwear line. According to a report published by The Sun, plastic surgeon Roberto Viel claims he’s seen an uptick in male enhancement surgeries in the last few years, and our overwhelming obsession with celebrity genitalia is to blame.

Um, does he expect us not to look at David Beckham’s junk while he’s climbing out of a pool in his underwear?

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“For millennia, having a bigger penis has been a status symbol,” says Viel, who performs over 300 penoplasty surgeries per year. “It’s only very recently that men have been able to do something about that. If there’s a solution, why not use it?”

You don’t have to be a size queen to know there’s no such thing as too big. Viel claims his clients come from “all walks of life,” are mostly in their 30’s and 40’s, and all seek penoplasty as a self-esteem and relationship booster. “They simply feel self conscious in the gym changing room or when wearing swimming trunks,” he says.

If you’re willing to drop an extra 4,000 pounds for a few extra inches at Viel’s clinic, you’ll probably see improvement in your sociability and love life (like the enthusiastic lads interviewed by The Sun). It seems like a bargain for a bigger dick, but the procedure doesn’t come without risks, says Dr. Adam Hamaway, a board-certified plastic surgeon in New York. “A lot of plastic and cosmetic surgeons do the fat-transfer technique, but it doesn’t work well on the penis,” he told the Daily News. “It’s a dynamic organ; it changes size. So when you just put fat in there, it looks very unnatural. It doesn’t fix their problem.”

See what you’ve done, David Beckham? Penis envy is all fun and games till someone ends up with a soft, lumpy penis.

Would you go under the knife to have a Beckham pecker? It’s a strange concept, given the fact that we haven’t actually seen David Beckham’s penis.

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15 Comments

  • tardis

    Human beings are stupid. I weep for the future.

  • Caleb in SC

    Do people realize that his package is padded? You can’t see the outline of anything, which kind of points to padding.

  • Mikey

    Not even sure that you can see anything in this video…

  • Wilbready

    Perhaps if he wore Andrew Christian underwear, we might see more of what he has. He does not interest me, there are better examples of our beloved male species than him.

  • jwrappaport

    I’m reminded of a great quote I read once by a urologist: “If I knew the secret to safe and effective penis enlargement, I would literally be a billionaire. If it’s a mystery to urologic surgeons, it probably hasn’t been figured out by entrepreneurs.”

    Also, bigger is most definitely not always better, IMO.

  • marc sfe

    @Wilbready: I”m with ya there – those blasted tattoos are hideous in my personal opinion. I fail to understand why someone with a beautiful natural body feels the need to cover it in ink. Just mind boggling.

  • yaoming

    This really doesn’t have anything to do with David Beckham, does it?

  • QJ201

    it ain’t that big. 7.5×5 at the upper most

    c’mon boys, we’re, we are experts in judging the size of a package by how it fits in its wrapper

  • jojopimby

    0:43 is why people are here

  • LandStander

    @marc sfe: More men with tattoo’s for me then! Yum!

  • Caleb in SC

    I don’t understand peoples’ fascination with this guy. Whenever he opens his mouth, it is patently obvious how undereducated he is, which, in my mind, is a big turn off.

  • tdx3fan

    I have never been a huge fan of his look. Walking billboards just do not do it for me. He should have stopped getting tattoos when he hit his second or third not his hundredth. Seriously though, I am not exactly in envy of his penis which I have never seen, but for a white guy I was pretty well blessed anyways.

  • GayTampaCowboy

    Those of us who work in Advertising KNOW that his photo’s have been photoshopped/retouched. So, while i get the fascination with with David (and his tatoos) i just don’t read much into his promo photos.

    Ok, that said, i have to say that no matter which site, blog or forum I’m visiting when the topic of penis size comes up – all the guys with small dicks (may or may not be true, but they feel they are too small) always say something like, “it’s the quality of the guy’s character not his cock size” ahahah.

    Sorry, but as was stated in the article, “For millennia, having a bigger penis has been a status symbol” and that’s just the way it is. You got what you got – end of story. If you’re above average – be happy. If you’re less-than average – go with the “quality of your character thing! (just joking.)

  • UWSguy

    Sorry but you are bitches. David is hot, tats or not

  • georgemed222

    Beckham’s penis gets loads of attention (understandably) – and helps focus attention on how all guys need to keep their tools looking good. No one wants a member that’s all dry and flaky or smells like hell; using a superior penis health cream (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) can help with these and other common issues.

Comments are closed.