Gonorrhea Is Back… And It’s Pissed!

“The clap” has grown into thunderous applause as the Little-STD-That-Could has become an antibiotic-resistant superbug that’s very difficult to kill. Fun.

How bad is it? Let’s ask lead researcher Magnus Unemo, professor at the Swedish Reference Laboratory for Pathogenic Neisseria in Örebro, Sweden:

“This is both an alarming and a predictable discovery. Since antibiotics became the standard treatment for gonorrhea in the 1940s, this bacterium has shown a remarkable capacity to develop resistance mechanisms to all drugs introduced to control it…” [This] could hail gonorrhea’s transition from treatable STD to global public health threat. “While it is still too early to assess if this new strain has become widespread, the history of newly emergent resistance in the bacterium suggests that it may spread rapidly unless new drugs and effective treatment programs are developed.”

But gonorrhea isn’t really that bad, right?

As if painful testicles, urethral pus, oral ulcers, anal itching, and burning vaginal discharge weren’t enough (sorry, were you eating?), untreated gonorrhea can also result in serious blood infections, sterility, chronic joint pain, and even blindness. Also, if you have a baby, gonorrhea will eat its eyes.

Perhaps the worst thing—no one will ever want to go down on you ever again.

But don’t worry, 50 percent of you probably already have HPV. STDs have become very popular these days. But one day there will mostly likely be designer STDs that are less common and very chic to catch—”Oh, you don’t have rectal troggoblimpus yet? Well no wonder… it’s very exclusive. Now excuse me while I go and shit napalm.”

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  • Thomas


  • otis

    Shitting napalm? Never got the clap.

  • Ernest

    Gay men need to realize condoms are alot sexier than catching some nasty disease! Just because his cum may not knock you up, but that doesn’t mean his cum can’t infect you! Besides if your one of them bareback cowboys who takes any drug in sight and fucks anything without protection you deserve all that’s coming your way, no pun intended!

  • buttplugsforall

    I guess I shouldn’t swallow then

  • Joe

    Gay men have always been willing to endure STDs. Amidst the explosion of aids in the 80s people like me were called “sexual nazis” in public meetings here in Boston because we advocated mandatory display of safe sex posters and free condoms in bars and the few bath houses we had. Even then the argument was that condoms, even a PICTURE of one, kills the heat of the moment.

    If HIV is not enough to make guys smarten up then gonorrhea sure as shit won’t.

    The beat goes on.

  • TheRealMannequinAdam

    @Joe: You’re right. Gay men never learn. But then they want sympathy for the AIDS crisis and their continued infection rates when it’s clear they’re simply not willing to take personal responsibility.

  • Adam

    Last line had me cracking up!

  • EVAN

    yeah correction* STIs

  • Niki

    I’ve never understood people who don’t use protection, gay or straight. Is sex feeling a little more “intense” worth catching a disgusting and possibly fatal disease? Sorry, a little off topic, I know.

  • EdWoody

    @Thomas: @EVAN: What the hell is the difference? One stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection, the other stands for Sexually Transmitted Disease. They mean the exact same thing. And while STI may be more commonly used in the US, STD is more commonly used in the UK. So this is really not an issue.

    As to the actual story, I’m of a similar opinion to the majority here – gay men can be our own worst enemies. Apparently our lives aren’t worth the 30 cents and 30 seconds it takes to put on a condom. Pathetic. The worst part is that we’ve known the solution for 30 years and we simply refuse to do it.

    (Btw, the “our” here does not include me, because I have both morals and common sense).

  • Cam

    Perhaps NOM should start attacking straight folks for wrecking relationships with Ghonoreah.

  • Luke

    Can we talk about STIs without the self-loathing internalized bigots coming out in spades. As a responsibly sex gay guy, I’m seriously offered by all of you washed out, bitter (and probably fat) queens telling me just how slutty “gay guys” are. Serious. Go fuck yourselves if you won’t fuck others!

    I also like the idea of designer STIs. Someone needs to write some cool scifi right away. In a future where we can engineer bacteria not to cause us terrible health conditions but to make our eyes flash pretty colors or make our shit smell like cookies…exclusive STIs could be great fun. So many groupees slut out and fuck celebrities for nothing but bragging rights (or embarrassed shame) and the memories. In the future you might be able to suck it up and do someone like a Craig Ferguson and at least get bio-luminescent blood for your trouble!

  • Luke

    @EdWoody. “I got my ears pierced, and I got an infection.” v. “I got my ears pierced, and I got a disease.” Rhetorician FAIL.

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