Election news still got you down? Hereâs something that may help restore your faith in life. Or at least your faith in your sex life.
According to a study from the University of Toronto, same-sex couples have better, happier, healthier sex lives.
Related:Â Study Finds People Who Like Grilled Cheese Sandwiches Have More Sex
1,900 individuals of both gay and straight couples participated in the study, which was led by Jessica Maxwell, a PhD candidate in the Department of Psychology in the Faculty of Arts & Science.
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âDisagreements in the sexual domain are somewhat inevitable over time,â Maxwell said. âYour sex life is like a garden, and it needs to be watered and nurtured to maintain it.â
In her research, Maxwell found that gay couples scored an average of 6.02 on their openness to work on sex in a relationship, compared to just 5.68 straight couples.
When it came to âsexual destiny,â which is essentially finding one person to have boring vanilla monogamous sex with for the rest of your life, straight couples were more likely to fall into the pattern, with a score of 3.17, compared to 2.69 for gay couples.
Related:Â Having Lots And Lots Of Sex Can Bring You Closer To God, Study Finds
âThe fact that same-sex couples are higher in sexual growth beliefs does suggest they have a healthier view of sexual relationships which should in turn foster greater relationship and sexual satisfaction over time,â Maxwell says.
âGay and lesbians have higher levels of sexual growth beliefs than heterosexuals, and have lower levels of sexual destiny beliefs than heterosexuals,â Maxwell concluded. âThis is encouraging because those with higher sexual growth beliefs had the best outcomes in our studies!â
Ultimately, Maxwell says she hopes her study show that problems in the bedroom are totally normal in relationships, and it doesnât necessarily mean the relationship is doomed.
Related:Â Study Finds That When It Comes To Sex, Your Best Days Are Still Ahead Of You
h/t: GSN
MMDD
One and for all, “monogamous” does NOT equate with “boring vanilla” sex. Please. Over 21 years with same man exclusively, and there is NOTHING boring about our sex life. Surely we can’t be the only gay couple out there like this.
vwguy1981
Been with the same man for 15 years. We stopped having sex after 10 years together. This study didn’t come knocking on my door.
Goforit
My husband and I have been together 39 years. I would have to agree with the study that at least gay men have better sex lives. Just not necessarily with each other.
michel_banen
@MMDD Same here; I’ve been with my (first !) boyfriend for nearly 20years now and there’s NOTHING boring here. Actually, the fact that we are monogamous makes it all that more exciting as we feel free and totally safe with eachother. Now THAT is what is really exciting to us. Besides that, we know eachother like no other so no-one else could love the other like we can.
michel_banen
@Danny279 Exactly ! The freedom and safety within’ a monogamous relationship is all I (and my husband) want.
jag4313
@Goforit: That I agree with.
MediaGuy
@Danny279: The science of the study shows the opposite of what the author claims. Gremore claims that spending a lifetime with one partner or, what the study called “sexual destiny” was valued, even though Gilmore put a negative spin on it and said it was boring. Significantly more straights valued this long term condition than gays did, leading to EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE conclusion that Graham has drawn. So, STRAIGHT couples have happier, healthier sex lives, not the other way around, and here’s the study that proves it.
MMDD
@michel_banen: That’s so awesome, Michel! Everything you’ve said applies to us as well. I wish you and your husband many more years of exciting sex together! đ
Danny279
@michel_banen: Thank you Michael Banen and MMDD! You guys are pointing the way to better future for gay and bi men. Please don’t be shy to speak out about your committed relationships. There is a whole mini-industrial complex that sells promiscuity to us, and sites like Queerty are a part of that complex. Please keep talking about your lives and your marriages so that we younger gay/bi guys know that there is another way.
MMDD
@Danny279: Thanks, Danny279! I don’t normally talk about my husband and I having a monogamous relationship unless the subject comes up. But when it does, I have no problem talking about it. I do agree that so many gay-oriented sites sell non-monogamy as the “better” way, which makes me really sad because I’ve had quite a few gay men tell me they are monogamous and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Danny279
@MMDD: It isn’t even that they sell promiscuity as a better way, which would be ridiculous enough. It is that they try to present it as THE way that gay men’s sexuality is. The statistics show that this is totally false and that promiscuity has been dropping steadily, and monogamy rising, since the late 1970s, with the trend dramatically accelerating about 10-15 years ago. But the promiscuity-industrial complex continues to grind out the message that everyone hooks up and everyone has a Grindr account. It’s BS. I think that guys in monogamous couples are less likely to talk about it because they cherish their relationships. When something is precious, you don’t want it to be the subject of internet banter. However, I hope that you and others will overcome your natural and totally understandable reticence, and will speak proudly about your monogamy. It really is something to be proud of.
MMDD
I think you’re right on the mark with everything you’ve said. And yes, I most definitely cherish my relationship. At the same time though, I don’t want to be critical of other guys’ relationships even if they aren’t monogamous. I just get really annoyed by the fact that monogamy seems to be constantly attacked, particularly online, and how open relationships are constantly presented as basically THE way, like you said. It’s especially annoying when those in open relationships are put up on a pedestal and called “progressive” or “evolved” or “more mature.” Gets my goat every time! Anyway…I appreciate your kind words. By the way, if you’re aware of any sites out there specifically designed for gay couples in monogamous relationships, please let me know. đ
Danny279
@MMDD: You know, even though I keep on top of this topic of gay monogamy and am familiar with the studies and statistical trends, I wasn’t aware of any support groups or websites and hadn’t really thought about it until you just asked. So I googled around and, sadly, I didn’t find anything. There was an online group that seemed to get started in Australia (where btw, the rising monogamy trend also has been documented), but it doesn’t seem to be around any longer. I found a few local Meet-Up groups. But that’s it. So you can see how the social environment remains skewed. If I want to have a meaningless, loveless hookup with a piece of human flesh, selected from a digital menu of human torso pics, then I have a wealth of resources. I can choose from among dozens of well-capitalized, glitzy websites and apps. But if I want support for my loving, long-term monogamous relationship, well, I’m out of luck. I have to construct my own support system from scratch and in isolation from others. Yet despite this stark disadvantage in the social environment, monogamy is winning. The alternative is so overwhelmingly associated with misery that it wins even when there are no websites sustaining it and no apps advertising it. That is why the proponents of normative, chronic promiscuity are so defensive. They know that they are the past and folks like you and Michael Banen and me are the future.
MMDD
@Danny279: I did actually find a Facebook group specifically designed for gay men who supported monogamy. I participated in it for a while, but unfortunately it ended up being an unpleasant experience. It was mostly single gay men who griped about being single or about men in general. I think somebody posted something that was the final straw for me, and I ended up leaving. In our personal lives outside the Internet, we have a close-knit group of friends, many of whom are gay men but also friends who are straight, both male and female, and they are all very supportive of us and not only honor our relationship but enhance it. I think it’s so important to have people like that in your life. You can’t live in a vacuum.