Studies have shown that, despite growing in numbers, bisexuals often have trouble finding acceptance within their communities.
A 2016 study by the Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, for instance, found that many bisexual men feel forced to keep their sexualities a secret for fear of being ostracized by their peers. Meanwhile, another 2016 study by the University of Vanderbilt found bisexuals reported higher levels of tobacco use and alcohol abuse due to discrimination they suffered.
42-year-old Greg Ward knows those feelings all too well.
“I’ve heard people say that bisexual men don’t exist–‘They’re on the train to Gay Town’—things like this,” he tells NBC Out. “They don’t understand what bisexuality is, if they say things like that.”
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Related: Would You Date Someone Who Identifies As Bisexual?
For years, Greg struggled with his sexuality. He didn’t tell anyone he was bi until he was 25. When he confided in a close friend, she told him she thought bisexual men were “disgusting” and that she would never date one.
Meanwhile, other friends of his began making fun of him behind his back. The experience left Greg feeling “awful” and forced him back into the closet.
He didn’t tell anyone else again until he was in his late 30s, after he lost a close friend to cancer. Her death made him realize that, “Life’s too short to be in the closet. I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to live my life.”
At the time, he says, there weren’t any resources for bisexual people living in his area.
“I would search online for different things in the valley here in Phoenix,” Greg explains. “There really wasn’t anything, so I was like, ‘I guess I have to do it.'”
Related: “Straight” Guys Are Having More Bisexual Sex Than Ever Before, Study Finds
So he launched Fluid Arizona, a social group for people who identify as bisexual, in 2014. The group organizes dinners, happy hours, BBQs, and other get-togethers to offer people a space to meet. He also participated in the #StillBisexual campaign, created by Nicole Kristal, and began posting videos about his story, as well as general information about bisexuality online.
Soon, he was flooded with emails from people all across the country.
“They talk about how my stories have really helped them and they’ll have similar experiences and being able to be a part of the online community helps them identify with other people like them,” Greg says. “They realize they’re not alone in this world, that they have this strong community that they can share the fears they have, whatever excitements they have, with others just like them.”
Watch Greg’s story in the video below…
Photo credit: Facebook/Greg Ward
h/t: NBC Out
esslar
Although I’m not bisexual, I can understand how tough it must be to deal with people who don’t think it’s real. This video was very good and I hope it gets more folks to think about this. It helped me to do that.
Richard 55
Men can swing both ways. Most won’t admit it because their wives or girlfriends would divorce them.
Women become very homophobic if their hold over a man’s sexuality is interfered with by the ability of a man to seek out men for alternative sexual comfort.
It really does destroy female privilege.
DarkZephyr
OK Brian.
iggy6666
Brians answer to everything — It’s a woman’s fault!!! Someone has mommy issues
Kenney G
You can’t blame a wife or girlfriend for that. One they made that commitment to the female they need to learn to keep their clothes on. No woman deserve that. You want to play house, leave the men alone
Captain Obvious
#stilldontcare
Kenney G
lol TRUE!
Danny595
Bisexuals are great and lesbians and gays must never be made to feel that they aren’t part of the LGB community. LGBs must stand united and support one another.
Prax07
When bi guys openly admit they lie, cheat, mislead, and hide things from their partners then I’ll include them in lgb, till then I want nothing to do with them.
Just had another bi boy that I’ve been seeing turn out to a liar. Telling me the girl he’s living with is his ex, (both staying at the apt for monetary reasons) when she’s actually his current gf. He lies to her about being straight, he lies to me that he’s single, every bi guy I’ve ever met is a liar, a cheat, and just not good guys.
Donston
Just stop it. I get why you’re bitter. But, firstly, you seem to always be discussing men on the DL and not men who openly identify as bisexual. Secondly, have something to actually add to the conversation instead of re-iterating how many times you’ve been done wrong by bi-guys yet continue to date them.
Donston
Damn, this site is really pushing “the plight of male bisexuality” and supposed “bi-phobia” and “bi-erasure” to the most extreme of degrees.
And look, it’s another super proud bi-identifying man talking about “bi-phobia” but who doesn’t at all relate to gay men (though the majority of his bad experiences seem to relate to homosexuality) and who refuses to discuss his inherent sexual attractions and who seems more interested in being with women.
Once again, there can’t be coming together and greater understanding unless more of these proud, repping bi everyday, all gay on social media men are willing to talk about internalized homophobia, ego-dystonia, sexual attractions, romantic instincts, and sexual behaviors and desires not triggered by gender sexual attraction. There’s a ton of variance when it come to sexuality and a ton of reasons why people do what they do and identify as what they identify as. But unless more of these “loud and proud” bi-identifying men are willing to have these open and honest convos instead of just whining and talking about their pride the more they feed into stereotypes and the more some women and gay men will continue to be suspect.
Prax07
If a guy comes to me and tells me he’s bi, that he wants to date, that doesn’t scream a guy on the DL. All these guys I’ve known have said they’re bi, not “Hey, I’m on the DL.”
This last bi guy knew about my issues with bi guys being liars, we even had a discussion he brought up, that he’d never lie like that to me. And yup, all lies, again, from another bi guy.
I don’t give a f*ck about bi visibility, bi erasure, bi equality in lgb circles, or poor bi guys that can’t come out because their women drop them. They just need to admit they all lie and deceive, and be open about it. If being gay is based on genetics, then bi guys must be born with a genetic predisposition for being deceitful. It’s not like I knew just one or two that lied to their partners or me and am bitter about it, it’s every last one. They want to be part of the community, then stop the bad behavior that makes gay guys not want anything to do with them.
Donston
You have to do your own investigation when it comes to any dating prospect. Did you ask if he was openly bi with his friends and family? Did you check his social media? Did you ask specifics about his sexual attractions, desires, habits and romantic instincts? Men of any sexual orientation are likely to hold a lot back when they’re interested in someone. You have to take it upon yourself to do the research. It’s your heart, safety, time and potentially wallet at stake. Also, sexual attraction, sexual behavior and sexual identity can develop due to a mix of a lot of different things: biology, experiences and environment during the development stages of 6-13, sociology and ego.
I will say that it’s funny how so many of these men only become super proud and gregarious with their bi identities when they start dating women who accept their sexual identities.
Personally, I don’t really care about a label (and no, I’m not apart of the “no labels” group). My whole thing has always been if you’re looking to educate and enlighten people and better your cause you have to be honest, thorough and direct in your conversation and leave out the pretension and superiority/narcissistic complexes. So many of these conspicuous and inconspicuous bi/fluid/queer/flexible identifying men have a very difficult time doing those simple things.
LGBTQ media have done a really poor job of educating people and “bringing people together”. They’re all paid by gay, bi, trans, queer rights organizations to promote the cause and therefore are extremely scared of offending anyone or eliciting real, in-depth conversation. It’s all about patting each other on the back and pity stories. LGBTQ media is a big part of the problem rather than a solution.
Kenney G
TRUE! You can’t trust people like that . Personally I don’t fu*k with them
BigG
Not biphobic at all. I have a prob with bi’s who seem to consistently lie about themselves and seem to love lying to others. Out of my entire life I have only met one bisexual who was honest open tells both sexes if they want to date him he’s bi. one! Plus they always seem to prefer one sex over the other. even though they can sleep with both , they usually are never a 50-50 bisexual. They are trying to push for equality in their community, but what they should push for is accepting themselves and quit lying and being deceitful. Be honest. don’t expect other people to accept you when you cant accept yourself.
Donston
That’s why a lot of bi identifying men don’t talk about sexual attraction. Rarely are they anywhere near 50-50 (though there are exceptions). They may even be able to get equal enjoyment out of sex with both genders. But the inherent sexual attraction usually leans greatly towards one gender. Some are just attracted to body parts but not the the whole gender. Some like dominating masculinity or being dominated by masculinity but are not genuinely attracted to men. Some like dominating femininity or being dominated by femininity but are not genuinely attracted to women. Some are just obsessed with constantly feeling different things and receiving different types of sexual/romantic attention. Some are gay men who can’t help but feel a romantic bonds with women. Some are straight men who can’t help but feel romantic bonds with men. Some are gay men who just hate gay men too much to ever fully embrace who they inherently are. And some actually have real and substantial sexual attraction to men and women.
And I don’t see the problem with any of this. You can’t help your attractions or your instincts. I’m just sick of the persistent evasiveness, sick of the narcissism, sick of hearing “I like different people’s energy”, sick of them being oh-so offended that some assume they’re gay, and sick of the constant complaining about “bi-phobia”. Just be 100% real with people and eventually most of your issues dissipate.
Mo Bro
I agree, bi guys don’t usually have desires that are split down the middle 50-50 . . . and so what? Does that make us less than pure in your eyes? Do you like chocolate as much as vanilla, or do you prefer one a little more than the other?
A lot of gay men have kids (through male-female intercourse), which obviously makes them a little bit bi, so are you implying that all of them are self-loathing liars as well?
Free you heart of the bi-hate.
Donston
I actually used to have sex with women and had a child with a woman. But I’m not bisexual. Sexual orientation isn’t a behavior. I never developed real sexual attraction to women. I never fantasized about women. And I have the capacity and desire to love a man and commit myself to man.
I love how you ignored all my examples of things that illicit bi behavior and identity and just continues to re-iterate a shallow point. Let’s not act like there aren’t plenty of self-hating gay men who would rather be anything else but gay. Or gay men who continue to have sex and/or relationships with women just to sustain their ego or image. Or men who receive sex and romance from multiple genders just to indulge their narcissism and fetish. Or megalomaniac men who just like to dominate and/or be dominated by different genders. No matter how you try to twist it none of that is bisexual. And that’s the type of stuff that continues to hurt the “bi-guy” cause. The refusal of many of these men to be straight-forward and cut out the narcissistic tendencies just adds to suspicion. It’s almost like most bi-guys and the women and gay men who are obsessed with bi-guys are desperate to not have a real conversation about sexuality, gender and sociology. But then again, that’s a problem for many gay and straight identifying people as well. I don’t believe there’s been single bi-identifying men in these comment sections who have discussed their sexuality. They just do a bunch of defending and hyping.
All I need is for LGBTQ media to actually spark real conversation about these things and help aid progress and understanding. Instead of just continuing to post articles about pretentious men who refuse to truly discuss their sexuality and sense of identity and who mostly date women.
And MoBro falls right into the stereotypical trap with the “bi guys are the best in the world” nonsense.
Mo Bro
Bi guys are the best of all worlds.
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Kenney G
I don’t know any Bi guys, We don’t travel in the same circles , I don’t do that threesome Bullshit . I can’t see myself involved with someone who swings both ways, who needs baby mama drama
Kenney G
I would just like to say this, Gay men don’t have sex with women, That’s what makes us gay. Now for all those guys out there that think gay men sleep with women You better wake your ass up, That’s Bisexuals that do shit like that, Not Gay men