It isn’t always easy to talk about body image. On the one had, we know we can’t live up to the impossibly high bar that’s put out constantly in mainstream media. It’s an ideal that for the vast majority of people is unattainable even if they had the time and resources to invest.
But on the other hand, we like what we like. And there’s certainly nothing wrong with feeling attracted to someone, even if they are of the glossy magazine variety. We’ve certainly posted more than a few underwear-clad models over the years.
We try to shoot for a happy medium, though. You can have your underwear models if that’s what you’re into, but what about guys with bellies, older foxes or bubble butts?
There are so many beautiful people out there that don’t fit neatly into a box.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
We asked Whisper to look into what guys struggling with body image were saying.
Here’s what they found:
DC Sheehan
I’ve often been shamed by guys who don’t approve of the type I’m attracted to. Apparently I’m supposed to like what society considers attractive.
Brian Sparky P'ark
Growing up in my teens and 20’s was always difficult. I’ve been a big guy since childhood. Always the struggle then, but when I was figuring out WHO I was, it was difficult, bc I was getting “chasers” that were telling me “you’re TOO big ” or “your NOT BIG ENOUGH.” And that built such a f’d up complex for me. Always felt ashamed. But then my personality started to blossom, some guys were attracted to that more than the outside. And believe me, I’ve had my fair share of types of guys. When I was in my mid 20’s I found the Bigger/Bear community, but then realized the criticism was even worse once you stepped into the sub categories. And even today, at 35′ the bitchy, snarky discrimination exists. I know that body image will always be there but it’s time that we all find our inner confidence and let that showcase who we are, we all know what it takes to be healthy, and if it takes some U.S. Longer to achieve those goalmouth then support, don’t look down.
Saint Law
Most of these kids problems (I’m assuming they’re young!) could be solved by going to a bar or an event where Their Kind are valued. I mean, I’n not saying a chub is going to get a cold reception in a twink bar, but they’d probably find more admirers in a cub/bear venue.
It’s pretty sad tho that for gays ‘sorting’ by body type is so often a necessity.
Me, I think peops should mix it up: fat hairy with skinny smooth, older with younger, camp with butch etc. Same with different ‘races’.
All the best, warmest and most humane gay men I’ve met refuse to proscribe by ‘type’.
Dita Fitz James
I was really thin when younger I hated how I looked but I pulled as I was really twink looking.
Now Iam happy and over a stone overweight I get the pitying ‘oh hasn’t he let himself go’ looks. My advice is enjoy how you look. Only you live in your body, and others are attracted to happy confident people no matter if they are big or thin!
Brandon Catapane
DC, I completely agree. I constantly face gays rudely asking why I settled to be with the partner I’m with. I truly get offended because my partner is amazing and he’s the man I love; that should be more than enough to ward off those wondering why I’m with him. It’s difficult to understand because I look at him and he’s the sexiest man to me, but somehow apparently isn’t “good looking” enough for me. The gays get a bit ridiculous sometimes. Is it really the worst thing that I searched for love with my heart instead of my boner?
Sam Addison
I still struggle especially with depression because I am not a size 30 or have a 6 pack. I always feel the fit guy will never find me attractive. I am not obese either just average.
Paul Castilonia
Thanks for the article Queerty!
Leon Wilborn
I can relate to this, very much so.
André Villeneuve
People are attracted by confident, genuine, loving and caring people. The shell of a perfect body person is quickly turned down when the inside soul is discovered to be hallow. Be yourself, love yourself and love others, you will definitively see a major change with people around you and in your life! Remember that super models often attract the wrong people and for the wrong reasons. Keep your chin up and focus on the real meaning of life! 😉
Billy Walker
I enjoy looking at those perfect bods and think to myself I wish I looked like that but I have come to a realization with myself. I am how I am and don’t care what people think if they are going to judge me on my looks I don’t need them in my life. I’m 28 150lbs with a 28″ wast and have a few extra pounds and fury but I don’t care my husband finds me sexy and I like my dad bod. People don’t know everything about me just by looking at me. They don’t know I’m working twelve hours a day and driving an hour each way to and from work for twelve days straight to provide for my family. I’ve lost the extra lbs before and look like a twink and sorry guys I don’t like that look on me.
bottom250
Having a twink body I am often treated very submissively and only seen as a bottom which I don’t mind at all but it is interesting to see how body type dictates your “role” within the gay community.
Hugs sweethearts
Rob Laughlin
In theory, i agree with this article as I am bearish 41 yo man. But, I’ve seen many guys cry about someone “out of their league” not liking them, but when someone in their league likes them, it becomes oh I’m just not attracted to him. One acquaintance is a big bear who spends all his time on grindr because that’s the kind of guys he likes. Fine, but I don’t want to hear complaints when you’re single for another year because you dislike other bears. I wonder how many guys on that stupid whisper app are the same way. Everyone is someone’s type, but are you open to those who find you attracted or are you ignoring them because the young muscle boys wont look your way?
ta2dick
Most of the guys who are critical of the gay community are busy judging others on their appearances. It’s easy to say “I’m not accepted in the gay community because I’m too fat/skinny/hairy/pale/etc., when your next comment is “ooh, yuck, I don’t date black/white/asian/old/young/tattooed/etc. guys.”
Christopher Michael
yes, I’m fat and ashamed
Bruce Maynard-Holly
I struggled with body image proublems. Cause i have a over active thyroid. Now at the age of 35 i like myself. Working on quiting smoking to have a healthier life. Use to struggle with self worthlessness now the older i get, the more i do not give ashit what ppl thinkâ?¡
James H. Edwards
Thanks for the excellent article, Queerty.
robertkalin
And then, you post this brilliant article next to “fitness in a flash”. Thanks for making me choose.
Will Glitzern
One of the reasons my partner and I are perfect for each other is because neither one of us is obsessed with how we look.
Simon Hodgson
I’ve always struggled with my weight up and down.when I’m at a low weight I still feel self conscious without clothes on but have an outer confidence.now I have put on 3st and I have become withdrawn and totally unhappy how can I expect to let anybody in when its a never ending battle? People say that if you can’t love your self how do you expect anyone else to but I’m 32 now and it’s never ending a vicious circle
badtungsten
Most of these seem to echo a one-way view of shallowness in the gay community. Oh gosh, I’m not in perfect shape so the muscle boys don’t want me.. boo hoo.. but at least I’m not fat! How ridiculous is that? My husband and I are very much opposites, and neither of us are the other’s “type”. But, we fell in love and that is what matters. We enjoy each other sexually, emotionally, and intellectually. What more could one ask for? Plus, if we decide we want an experience with someone who is our “type”, then we hire an escort together and live out the fantasy that way. Everybody wins!
ralrod13
Sometimes you just know what you like and that can seem “shallow” for some
Lee Bess Toad
I’m convinced most people are never happy with how they look. It’s called being human. I’ll be 60 soon and my mind knows I’m in better shape than 98% of guys my age. And so I’ve spent the last 10 minutes micromanaging my diet because I’m not happy with how I look and I need to get it just right. Can I add that extra 1/8th ounce of turkey or is it going to be too much? Stupid? you bet. Do I know it? Hell yes. And when I step back I can laugh at my stupidity. But those little seeds of self doubt are always there. And if you can laugh at yourself and your insecurities, great. If not, just accept where you are. Because we are all in the same boat. Even the guys who are out of our league worry about the guys they think are out of THEIR league. There’s always someone.
Craig Bankert
I should start a support group for those of us who are straight-skinny-gay-fat.
Richard Thomas
It really sucks that these stereotypes exist but just remember the most attractive thing on a guy is confidence. I have trouble with that myself because I battle constantly with body issues. The times I just don’t think about it and be myself, I usually get a nice surprise with attention I wasn’t expecting…In a good way..
JPDonahue
@Saint Law: I like a lot of what you say… but it’s not just young people.You even say you keep this in mind at 60.
Terry Phillips
Nope no problem at all here ever.
Desert Boy
Men come in all shapes and sizes. It’s a beautiful thing.
Ismael Smiley Flores
Frank Bibiano is this you? The skinny one?
badtungsten
@ralrod13: Or it could mean you’re closed-minded and trapped by the manufactured beauty ideals of our culture? Food for thought.
Dani
It seems hypocritical to me that these average looking men complain about not being attractive for fit guys, instead of other average men. They don’t seem to find average men attractive either, so what are they compalining about? Lose weight and get toned, that’s the end of it if you really want to be with muscular guys.
Giancarlo85
@Dani: That’s exactly how I feel here. People tend to complain a lot about no one finding them attractive. Often when someone is overweight or obese it’s because of bad lifestyle habits (like too much fastfood and not enough exercise). I say to some of these men to make changes in their own life.
@badtungsten: Wrong. Not “food for thought”. People are attracted to who they are attracted to. Why must you force others to like you? If someone likes a fit guy, what’s the issue with that? How is it being closed minded? So you want someone to like an overweight or obese guy because that’s being open minded? Sorry, doesn’t work that way.
Mark Wesley Pritchard
I can definitely relate to this. I was a really skinny guy from elementary school through high school. My weight has gone up and down for the next few years. I now weigh around 185 pounds. I weighed almost 110 pounds when I was in high school, so I gained a lot of weight since then. It’s hard for me to look for a guy because of my weight. I’ve often been shamed by guys who don’t approve of the type I’m attracted to. Apparently I’m supposed to like what society considers attractive.
TrueWords
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
onthemark
I sympathize, except with the ones who blame everything on the “shallowness” of the “gay community” and all that cr@p. Apparently they think straight women are never, ever shallow and take NO interest in straight men’s looks? That’s absurd.
Personally, I had a lot of “types” including the usual but for some strange reason I was always attracted to the “skinny nerd” types. Often they were shocked & thrilled when I came on to them. Skinny nerd types, believe it, some of us think you’re hot!
@Simon Hodgson: You look cute in your photo. And you have a common problem. It’s common to VERY suddenly gain weight at about age 30. Metabolism or whatever it is hits a wall for most guys around age 30. It takes some work, and you have to keep at it, but don’t get discouraged.
Stache99
@Giancarlo85: What if say a 60 something was into teenagers or young twinks. Would you have any issues with that?
Giancarlo85
@Stache99: Yeah stick to your own age.
Anyways, off to pride.
onthemark
@Stache99: It must get exhausting for the poor kid, running everybody else’s lives. (Btw he’s better than you because you’re a slut. But you knew that, Stache!)
Pride!… can you imagine him at Pride?… going around telling gay people how f*cked up they are and how much he hates them?
Masc Pride
Sounds like all the queens that are too lazy to get off their fat or puny asses and go to a gym, the type that constantly accuses other guys of steroid abuse.
TrueWords
What other people think about you is none of your business.
It’s their business.
Wasting your time thinking about what they are thinking about you serves nothing.
Seeking approval is a waste of your time and energy. It will only bring you suffering.
It’s not about whether others approve of you but if you approve of you.
This is what counts.
TrueWords
Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people.
TrueWords
“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.” ? August Wilson
TrueWords
Self Care is vitally important
http://www.musedmagonline.com/2015/03/self-care-work-inside/
Geo Kas
I am a bit overweight but honestly most guys have less of a problem with it than i do. We assume too much of other people based off biased data from our senses. A look might not be the negative thing we perceive and gay men need to stop self sabotaging themselves thinking that one or two bold assholes that say something nasty are the spokes-faggot for everyone who is in shape and “hot”. I am not saying to aim high in expectations of finding that Adonis boyfriend but in terms of sex guys are less picky than most people realize. Once you prove your skills in the bedroom the other stuff takes a back seat. Just don’t wallow in a pity party because that is the most unattractive thing any one can do!
TrueWords
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26LdMXT05lY
ingyaom
Who writes these “Whisper” things?
Tom Gonzalez
Life is too short to worry about what anyone else thinks
Masc Pride
@onthemark: Doubt it. Giancrazy is the type that’s only big and bad online. Bet you wouldn’t hear a peep out of his obnoxious, self-righteous, opinionated mouth face to face.
Masc Pride
@ingyaom: I’m convinced it’s the Queerty editors, so they can make stories about them here.
bottom250
Learn to appreciate body types in all shapes and sizes. Stop trashing men who don’t conform to the “buffed” image. Seek alternative role models. Don’t emphasize body size or shape as an indication of a man’s worth or his identity as a man. Learn to value the person inside. Hugs sweethearts.
Derek Perron
I was at a gay days pool party and was walking through a crowd and heard “Here comes chubby” from some stranger and for no reason other than I was trying to get from point A to point B. Now mind u I’m 6’1 210
David Dewberry
Sadly, cause and effect and personal choices are paramount…
martinbakman
@TrueWords: Awesome
martinbakman
Is the whole thing about having gigantic pecs over yet? If I wanted to grab a big breast during nookie I’d be into women. I like a lean, masculine guy without big tits.
Allen Manual
I was 300 so hell yeah i was lol
Paul
Body positivity is fine, but none of this “Fat Acceptance” bullshit please.
William Beverly
the one problem i find in the gay community is that we rely on visual attraction way too much and also we tend to be way too superficial -we do have a fucked up and perverted sence of perfection
da90027
Well sites like this continually post pics of guys with perfect bodies. Even in Frontiers you see and ad for a dry cleaner and they have a half naked guy in the pic. It’s ridiculous. Most models are genetically gifted and the media continually pushes pics of unobtainable results for most in our faces. Personally I like a few flaws here and there perfection scares me. Overly developed abs look unnatural to me I’d rather just see a flat stomach and a guy that works out some but is not obsessed with it.
Duke Marine
I think the sexiest thing is seeing a heavy guy just letting it out. Not only is it sexy to see something other than bones and rock-hard muscles poking out everywhere, but the killer confidence that takes and the self-acceptance it signals just floods my basement! Panties off!
Mack
I battle a weight problem every day. Lost 80 lbs and still have a ways go to. I do find the “whispers” interesting since they’re talking about being “fat or overweight” yet they use a hot tone guy behind the whispers.
Christopher Michael
I remarked yesterday, a friend who is quite heavy, just married a lovely gal. How unfocused the heterosexual world is on image, how uber focused the homosexual world is. I am not a desired commodity for dating in the gay world, were I straight, I might just be. Kinda sad about this….for all us gays overweight
McShane
I really have to commend you,@bottom250: for always being really positive and level headed. I totally agree with you.
When I was maybe thirteen-ish I had some minor body image issues. Someone called me chicken chested and for whatever reason it really stuck. I hated taking my shirt off in public. Hated it. I went to school with a kid who had horrible Fibrodysplasia. One day he showed up at the Community College swimming pool, for swimming lessons and I was taking diving lessons. We were changing into our swimming trunks, and I looked at his body. He had multiple surgeries and scars, basically he looked like he had been in a car crash and then mauled by a lion. Anyway, his body was shocking. I asked him if he was embarrassed to take his shirt off, he just said something like, “no, I just want to go swimming, I don’t care what people think.” I was floored. I told him that I was super embarrassed about the way that I looked. His dad heard our conversation and pulled me aside to tell me that his son would do anything to be normal and have a normal body like mine. That there was absolutely no reason for me to have any sort of issues.
It worked for me. Something just clicked and I just didn’t give a f@ck what some stranger thought about my body. I never worried about the way I looked ever again. Kevin and I were really close friends after that. Changed my life. Love you, miss you Kev.
TheAngryFag
@da90027: Not only is it genetics, they’re also constantly undergoing major work by Dr. Photoshop. Hell, chances are the “model” in the photo literally does not exist in real life because they’re composited from multiple men. This one’s body, another one’s head, a third one’s eyes, a fourth one’s mouth. The list goes on.
Lynn Croxton
As much as I ADORE most gay men, I wish some of their perfectionist ideals regarding body types would lighten up. The fashion industry, largely led by gay men, has made women into paranoid wrecks for decades, convincing us we should be mere hangers for their clothes. Anorexia, bulimia and drug use (at least partially for the purpose of keeping weight off) have proliferated and ruined lives. I’m not sure at what point the magnifying glass turned upon other men, but it’s doing damage to the souls of guys I care about and keeping that “thin is in” mantra alive when it needs to die.
TheAngryFag
@bottom250: The one thing too is that the effort to try isn’t even acknowledged. I’m a bigger guy for example and I am at the gym 6x per week working with a trainer 7 hours (I do 6 hours of met con and 1 hour of mobility work as week). But no one gives a crap. All they care about is what the scale says and my height. I even had one jackass ask me if I had ever set foot in a gym before. I just laugh because I am actually in a few images of my gym’s featured pictures.
Eric Gonzales
I think guys with meat on their bones is way sexier. Especially big hairy bear types.
Glücklich
@Brandon Catapane:
I never felt directly criticized about my choice of partners – I wouldn’t stand for it – but I knew some were considered odd or less popular than others. I’ve gotten “Really? But he’s…” when I point out someone I think is hot and just reply “I don’t fuck ugly dudes,” as I set off to get what I want.
Before I got married, a coworker’s disrespectful text message about my now-husband came back to me. I had him fired within the week. Put up a billboard saying I butt-rape puppies to death if you want but treat my husband as anything less than a god and I go nuclear.
Glücklich
@André Villeneuve:
The body’s the easy part, and it’s fleeting. But guys have to be bring more to the table than looks, money, or youth. There is always someone prettier, richer, younger, more accomplished. There is no perfect.
Alexi Diaz
Fat and frustrated about how people see you? Really? Put down your garbage mcdonalds and large soda and do something about it instead of whining about why people pity you or why the guys who actually take care of themselves don’t look your way. Get over it or do something about it.
Glücklich
@Lee Bess Toad:
Ditto all your comment. I can laugh at my own jokes about “finger down the throat time” and lunch being half a lettuce leaf with a picture of a lemon wedge waved over it. ‘Course I’m saving room for the four Scotch rocks I’ll have with dinner.
My insecurities have currency. It forces me into the gym, into the pool, to the aesthetician’s and all that shit. But I make no secret that little about my own appearance would exist in nature.
TrueWords
“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
? Dorothy Parker
Glücklich
@DC Sheehan:
Fuck’em. Do what and who you want. Justifying (or dumping on) choices of this nature is a waste of energy.
TrueWords
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3R59wBb7mTM
James Hart
I think that gay men need to start really loving themselves. I’m a muscle bear, but I’m attracted to all kinds of dudes. I can’t believe that I’m alone in being attracted to all kinds of men.
Glücklich
@Billy Walker:
You had me at twelve-hour days. Everything else is gravy.
TrueWords
Labels labels labels…..I am a twink; I am jock; I am chubby chaser; I am a daddy, I am a muscle bear, I am an otter; I am a top; I am versatile; blah blah blah…oh the list goes on and on…gay men are becoming INCREASINGLY distracted by these faux labels to define themselves and it most of of the times defines a short lived sexual act and/or sexual attraction and YOU ARE FAR MORE THAN THAT…be less of what you appear to be on the outside and share with others who you are…develop those deep and introspective attributes about yourself and share them with your friends and your intimate partners.
Glücklich
@Saint Law:
I usually find your comments abrasive but this is good and I agree.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: You are so revealing. I don’t even get how you can post on here. The way you talk to me is sick. You don’t know me, now fuck off and leave me alone. You are nothing more than a sick hypocritical bully.
@Masc Pride: Thanks for confirming your other account is lauraspencer. You’re a fucking closet queen… you try so hard to be masculine but fail so miserably. You tell everyone you’re straight because you’re ashamed of who you are.
Bret Berry
OMG…at 55 I am still pretty underweight….well, I actually look like an olive on a toothpick! There’s nothing like a good beer belly with skinny arms, and almost skinny legs!
Glücklich
@onthemark:
Skinny nerd…fans self. Fuck *YEAH* slim, slight-framed, bookish, quiet, introverted grown-ass men on the sidelines, observing the crowd through their horn-rimmed specs. That’s who I notice first anywhere. I’m usually surrounded by mathematician types so an embarrassment of riches. Mostly straight, all a little…repressed…but once in a while I’ll meet a similarly-inclined individual who wants to play and then there are fireworks.
edwardnvirginia
IT you’re healthy – by medical measures of your primary care provider, and mental health provider if you have one, and spiritual guide if you have one – forget what other people say about your body. The body is a vessel to carry you through life. Some people have missing limbs or with other anomalies. Some people were burned in fires and are disfigured. Some people are short, some tall, some with big heads, some with smell, some with big genitals some with small, etc. So what. Enjoy human diversity including your HEALTHY diversity.
sportyguy1983
What a bunch of Whitney crybabies. Grow a pair and be Men.
Greg Morris
Do these gag guys slamming other gay guys not realize they are also slamming themselves, they are part of this horrible gay culture that glorifies perfection. Or do they think they are the exceptions to the rule. If so then maybe they should all get together.
sportyguy1983
Whitney = whiny
Jason Bargy
You are how you feel thats just being real.
BigG
It takes a lot of self love and life experience to really not give a shit what people think. Sure everyone has their preferences, but you need to love yourself first. Confidence shows and is attractive. Weakness and insecurity shows and is SO unattractive. trust me if you think you’re not gettin a man because of your body you’re actually not getting men because you look insecure and desperate. Attitude is everything men! Therapy works wonders. All work begins on the inside.
Finrod
I suffer from the dreaded skinnyfat. I have a very negative body image for myself. But I’m not in the least judgmental about other men’s bodies. I’m attracted to men from quite skinny to quite fat.
Troll-shaped bodies, on the other hand — not hot. There seem to be a fair few of that type in this thread. As Divine (as Earl Peterson) said to Divine (as Dawn Davenport), “Just cuz you got them big udders, don’t mean you’re somethin’ special.”
Add Slater
31 and still not happy with my body xxx
Christian Sjolander
guy on the right is better!
Masc Pride
@Giancarlo85: Thought you were out at Pride? You’re such a poser. You’re fake just like your screen name. You aren’t Italian, and you never will be. lol
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: I was there for 2-3 hours at the Parade. It got too hot. Doesn’t help that it is in the middle of summer.
You’re the real fake here. And I never said I was Italian you piece of shit. I am Colombian (damn team lost today). Do you realize that Giancarlo is a name that is also used in Latin America?
Raphael
I have a twink body and I don’t give a flying fuck. and I don’t care if the guy is fat or not if he’s cute I’m on.
Masc Pride
@Giancarlo85: You didn’t go anywhere, loser. You hate yourself, and that’s why you use that fake Italian name. You wish you were Italian and you know it. Sucks to be you!
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: Oh really? Why was there a gap of about 4 hours in my posting on here lol? I was outside. You are a fat pig who tries to be masculine by eating big macs all day. And you’ve been on here all day. I never said I wished to be Italian you fake ass bitch. Get out of your closet. I am proud to be Colombian. What are you proud of? Being a closeted tool who is ashamed of his sexuality? Have fun with your pathetic life. You won’t even say “i’m gay”. You’re too fucking ashamed.
Masc Pride
@Giancarlo85: Surrrrre! You’re just another self-loathing gay PoC who wishes he was White. It all makes sense now! So funny how you’re always accusing others of being self-loathing and going ON and ON about your androgyny, yet a little bit of heat made you call it quits on Pride. Afraid your perm would get messed up, Princess John Charles? LOL
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: Masc Guy should confess his struggles with his huge beer belly and insecurities. He thinks being fat is masculine. He struggles to be straight but knows it’s impossible. He doesn’t tell anyone he’s gay. And yes, I’m proud, out, and androgynous.
I was out at the parade for 2-3 hours. That’s enough time and saw it all. Parades usually don’t last longer than that, kiddo.
Giancarlo85
By the way, why would I wish to be white? That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. You’re a fat balding loser who thinks being 300 lbs is masculine. And not an ounce of muscle on you.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Greg Morris: that’s exactly what I was thinking. I was reading some of these, I couldn’t take reading the rest of that nonsense, and I was thinking “you all need to look in the mirror”. And, another thing is these 5’s and lower are looking for 10’s and higher, they are not looking for 5’s. They are not looking for guys in their league. No, those guys aren’t good enough. They are just as shallow as the “gay guys” they are blaming for shallowness.
It’s no surprise to me that gay rights is so stagnate in America. Because things like this are the pressing issue, not “job loss because I’m gay”. No, it’s “I can’t get the hot guy because I’m fat”. This is what matters.
CaliKyle
@Saint Law: That’s good, sensible advice: go to where your type is typically sought. Any cute guys complaining about being too skinny and pale are welcome at my place 😉 – I used to feel self conscious (and sometimes still do) over my my lack of body hair. I get two day shadow instead of five o’clock and a couple of years ago when I decided to beard up, it took several months and since it’s light blond, I felt like it was hardly worth it. All I could think of was when Spencer from The Hills was mocked for having a “flesh colored beard” as if even his facial hair was un-masculine. I’ve never had even a little bit of chest hair which I regret but by the same token, I’ve also not had to deal with a hairy back or ass.
Masc Pride
@Giancarlo85: Wow, two posts before even one response…can almost feel that ANGER building up! lol You’re more than done. Your pathetic reality is far more harsh than anything I can say to you. It’s been fun for me. Thanks for the laughs, lady! 😀
Glücklich
Giancarlo & MascPride—-c’mon, c’mon…there was a pride parade today. Let’s keep it happy. Or civil, at least. I’m certain you both have other, more pleasant things to do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK6mTGrMOvg
Mr. Glamour Shot
@BigG nailed it.
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: You’re angry at that nasty belly that covers your dick. How masculine!
Merv
Now, here’s the real burning question: which is worse, fats or fems?
DjARD
@Alexi Diaz:
Yeah, no. I’ve had just about enough of that shit.
I want every fucker out there who believes what you just said to listen up and listen good. More often than not, yes, those who are obese or overweight have a poor diet and lack of exercise. BUT IT IS NOT UNIVERSAL. You know who else keeps a terrible diet? The majority of Americans. Including the naturally thin ones, who have it in their genetics.
People on this thread keep saying “people like whatever they like, if you want those people then change yourself”. Haha, no. Fuck that. I stand 6′ and weigh a little under 230. My max weight, several years ago, was just under 380. I worked hard and lost weight, partly because I believed societal beauty standards. I eat a small diet with gym-exercise 3 out of 7 days a week during the school year, and shed the real weight during the summers where I eat an even more restricted diet and burn 750-1200 calories through gym time alone 6-7 days a week.
I repeat, I AM STILL FAT. I am losing, sure, but it kinda, you know, takes time. Those assumptions you make are completely untrue about people like me. And yet, I have to face your prejudice simply because the falsity of those assumptions is not immediately present.
It would be very easy for me to assume that most muscle-guys are about as interesting and intelligent as a box of rocks, and use gym time to make up for that and an innate masculine insecurity. I don’t do this because I know it’s not universally true at all, and it would make me a prejudice fucker if I did.
BUT IT’S ABOUT THEIR HEALTH, you’ll say. That’s their fucking thing, not yours, and you’re using that as an excuse to be a sizeist. And you know what? If they’re like me, they may even be healthy. You know what’s not healthy, either? Focusing on building body mass and not paying attention to cardiovascular health, which is why many bodybuilders end up with high blood pressure. Biology! What a thing!
Here’s what it really comes down to: What you view as attractive is in all likelihood a construct of the society around you. Years of influence and conditioning from media and peers has told us a certain thing is attractive, and that to go outside of our type would be simply wrong.
Long story short, I ended up having much of that conditioning excised rom my life. The result is that I don’t have a type, physically. The true extremes – anorexia and 500 pounders – that doesn’t attract me, and that is a legitimate health issue. But anything else? Fair game. Most people are beautiful when you learn to operate outside of those constructs and see the horrid place those ideals so often come from. What matters far more for me is goals, drive, critical thinking skills, interest in cinema, art, all of that. And that’s way harder to find and way more unique than a six pack.
Yes, you can have a type. Where it becomes shitty is when “having a type” becomes a veil for assumptions and prejudice, which it often is. And at the end of the day, you may be the one getting the short end of the stick. That chubby guy you didn’t want to date because of his size despite his other qualities? He might’ve been losing weight. That twink with the great personality but who was clearly a total bottom and thus uninteresting? Mighta been a top with a nice big one.
Giancarlo85
@DjARD: Um maybe some people don’t want to date that chubby guy because they just aren’t attracted to him? Stop trying to tell people to like you because you have other qualities. That’s the oldest line in the book.
Bauhaus
After reading some of these comments, I couldn’t help but think of “Perfect Stranger”.
Ro: [on hearing Mr Hill is cheating on his wife] I don’t get it. Mrs Hill is pretty. I mean, she’s really pretty.
Gina: Show me a beautiful woman, I’ll show you a man who’s tired of fucking her.
DjARD
@Giancarlo85:
It just went in one ear and out the other, didn’t it? The ideas of assumptions, prejudice, sizeism? Because that’s what this is. I don’t demand that anybody like me. There’s plenty of shitty things within my personality that many don’t like. Instead, I was calling for a greater introspection from all – actually critically examining the constructs of attraction and beauty and where they really come from.
Giancarlo85
@DjARD: Um, people develop their own tastes and attractions. Learn to understand that.
Matthew David Thompson
Matthew McMillion
Mr. Glamour Shot
@DjARD:
Totally got it. Well said.
lauraspencer
@Giancarlo85:
ummmm. hello Giancarlo! I’m just me. I’m not MascPride. If I were to have a split personality my other screen name would be Nikki Smith.
Robert Hedin
I know which one I’d take home, and it’s not the skinny one.
Giancarlo85
@lauraspencer: Lets see… similar sentence structure, similar incoherent sentences, similar insults… doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Get a life please.
Dylan Dale
All too much
John William O'Brien
Jumping in here…
Sometime long ago, the idea was burned into my psyche that the better I look, the more lovable I become. I understand now that this idea is insane and that one has no real relation to the other, but society has a way of telling you differently. I still struggle with knowing my worth and accepting my good in this community because of how viscous and vapid so many gay men can be.
I will share with you a truth that I’ve learned; no matter how thin or muscular you become, if your spirit is not taken care of with great love and tenderness then you will never truly know real beauty.
James Fesalbon
Hits too close to home.
imeanhello
I found this article very heartening. As someone who has struggled with eating disorders and body image issues for more decades…yes, decades…than I care to mention, it was great to read so many stories by so many men in the same (ish) boat. But then i noticed on Queerty’s homepage the article “Fitness In A Flash. Shape Up: Pills, Powders and Potions”. (A link to the article is below me as I type this comment). The article, of course, features a buff, six pack abs models. So what’s the message then? Let’s be honest, a lot of Queerty’s content is hot guy this, Zac Efron’s abs that or a rundown of the hottest men on Instagram. And we wonder why so many of us are screwed up about our bodies. When we start seeing more everyday types on pages like these (other others to be fair) things may change, but I suspect that doesn’t sell…
DjARD
@Giancarlo85:
Yes. And those ideas of beauty are almost entirely formed through avowal by peers, messages from parents and the media. Those ideals are that fat is bad, because fat is weak. It is lazy. It is a bad individual. As we live in an individualist country, one that says it’s up to you to be successful and prove your merit, being fat is seen as indication of not caring about that or not taking proper self interest.
Standards of beauty are naturally extremely different depending on country and time period, though as America has lead the charge in globalization the American ideal of beauty is infiltrating formerly more accepting countries. Still, in plenty of places in Africa a larger size is seen as attractive. In places like France, or Italy, what is seen as attractive is more lenient than here.
What I’m trying to say, and what i’m seeing you not understand, is that our ideas of attraction is often born from conditioning and societal views, NOT our own. Actually forming your own views on attractiveness and seeing beyond beauty constructs is an incredibly difficult task. But hey, if you meet a guy who’s perfect for you aside from him being too fat or too skinny, by all means, throw that perfect match out over something as malleable and ultimately symbolic as body type. It’ll be your loss.
Alan David Smith
I relate because I’m that guy. the one who doesn’t have enough poiny’s to get into a particular community. I think the hardest part for me is the smile. I’m losing my teeth. for a variety of reasons and can’t afford partial’s. and even the guys who dip/chew have the teeth that look like they should be in toothpaste ad’s. all I can say to people is focus on what you have. i’m 6’3″and have a full head of hair.so I try to ephasise that.
stevenbrice779
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stevemuc
I have felt left out most of my life because I have had a rather ordinary body. In my 30ies, I took up bodybuilding and the results were quick to come. In the beginning I loved it. I finally got the attention I had missed all throughout my 20ies.
But this came at a huge price I wasn’t prepared for. I got limited only on being a sex fetish for guys. Nobody was interested in the guy inside, all attention was only focused on my body. So I trained down to a more regular, yet sporty body. The fitness routines however did me good from an aging perspective. I do not try to achieve to look younger then I am but still I am pretty much limited down to my looks and body when it comes to guys.
After two long relationships (in which my body sadly seemed to have been the only reason for the guys to stay with me) I am now single again and though my looks are quite okay and I am really content with the body I have, it becomes harder and harder for me to find someone beyond that “casual” sex date. Those guys who would be dating material seem to be totally afraid of even talking to me. I hear them say things like: this guy sure looks great but with those looks he can easily pick for himself whom he wants. The reality though is: I can not. Particularly when it comes to real dating.
So for anyone reading this great article about body perception, please keep in mind that good looks and a great body can sometimes be really hard on a guy, too, especially if you are getting older and you are hoping for a deep and fulfilling relationship that incorporates more than just great sex. People are quick to judge on looks, no matter if good looking or not.
Glücklich
@stevemuc:
Are you approaching men you’d consider dating material or are you waiting for them to approach you?
My experience was similar, having always been attracted to men who are older than I am. So I started making the first move on the experienced, accomplished older guys I wanted and the response has been good. Obviously not everything’s going to be a home run but we’ve gotta at least swing first.
Our Bodies, Our Confidence: For gay men.
“On the one had, we know we canâ??t live up to the impossibly high bar thatâ??s put out constantly in mainstream media. Itâ??s an ideal that for the vast majority of people is unattainable even if they had the time and resources to invest.” Mainstream media? Queerty! It’s the *GAY* media that’s Truly the problem here! All the underwear models, porn, and “hot shirtless actor of the day” articles? *THIS* is where gay men get body issues from! Not CNN. 😛
Glücklich
@imeanhello:
You’re right, the average joe doesn’t sell ad space or generate traffic. Although I agree with everything you wrote in your comment, it would be narrow-minded to consider Queerty or the like an accurate reflection of most people’s reality. There is a much wider world out there full of every day types.
With specific regard to the Fitness in a Flash item, who do you think will be more credible doling out fitness advice? The model pictured or someone who’s on a first-name basis with the counter staff at their local closest Arby’s?
Chris
Over the years, I’ve learned that body type, age, and things of that ilk don’t matter when I meet people in places or doing things that don’t place a premium on those body type, etc.
In other words, I do not try to meet gay folk at bars and/or bath houses and/or through grindr (or whatever app is popular today). Instead, I meet them through sports leagues, book clubs, do-gooder volunteer organizations and (gasp) church. If we’re interested and click, both of us have seen the obviously superficial about each other; but also, we’ve had a chance to learn a bit about one another as well.
This is not to say I don’t go to gay bars; I do, with the friends that I’ve made in these other settings or even by myself if I’m in the mood. And though I’m friendly, I just don’t use the watering hole as my primary place for meeting people.
balehead
Wow lots of “Victim Projection” by people who always say shallow nasty things about people who go to Gyms…it’s not a crime to be healthy…
Israel Gay Tourists Information
#BodyPride post:
An Inspiring performance in the opening of the Gay Pride Parade in Tel Aviv that helped to support and promote the #BodyPride :
https://www.facebook.com/Israel.Gay.Tourists.Information/posts/357175287814794
BECQueerty
I, too, have a body image problem. But, it’s my problem, no one else. Being a bear, I know that some guys would be into me. However, I’m not attracted to bears. Ironic, no? As it is, the guys I’m attracted to aren’t attracted to bears.
That’s not “the community’s” fault. That’s me and my issues. Which, I dealt with by doing what it takes to make myself attractive to the guys I find attractive.
This is a fact of life. It will never change.
Kinda funny… I now have to choose between several gentlemen callers. It was hard work getting here, but damn worth the effort.
Don’t whine. Do what you need to do to be happy.
David Bolton
Pic 1: See a therapist.
Pic 2: Go to a gym. Use the gym’s tanning bed.
Pic 3: Not by everyone.
Pic 4: Flip-flop.
Pic 5: Gay men who whine are worse than women, you mean.
Pic 6: Stop generalizing.
Pic 7: See Pic 1 and develop a self-esteem.
Pic 8: Find someone who likes hair and tell your friends to shut the fuck up.
Pic 9: Bullshit.
Pic 10: They probably don’t like excuses either.
Pic 11: Maybe you should change what you eat, after you go to that same therapist #1 sees.
Pic 12: Very, very few people are “10s.” Like—no one.
Pic 13: Change your body or change who you’re talking to.
Pic 14: You’re not doing something right then. See a trainer. And there are plenty of guys who like big guys.
Pic 15: I know, right? I hate when gays place blanket generalizations as well.
Pic 16: So is going to the gym but people do it all the time.
Lewis Moreno
Confidence is sexy.
Kenneth Cosmo Ruisi
They both look okay to me.
Doughosier
It’s a guy thing. You think straight men aren’t totally judgemental about women’s bodies? They absolutely are. Look
The best you are able or learn to settle for what you can get or to be with no one. Looks matter, at least for a short time. Eventually inner beauty becomes more important but that first month, looks are important.
Paco
@Doughosier: Sure they are… But I would have to say that straight women are probably more judge mental about each others bodies than the men who are ogling them.
I see extremely attractive straight guys, with nice bodies, in relationships with “less than average” women everyday. So, just by my own observation, I would say straight men are way less picky than many of us are about others bodies when it comes to sex and relationships.
Giancarlo85
@DjARD: Nope. Many people come up with what they are attracted to because of their own feelings. Have you thought of that? Instead of blaming everything around them and society, maybe you should consider this is how people truly feel? You can’t force someone to be attracted to someone they aren’t. If somebody doesn’t like chubs or bears, then don’t attack them as being “sizeist”.
And the ideas of being attracted to someone who is lean is not an American ideal.
“What I’m trying to say, and what i’m seeing you not understand, is that our ideas of attraction is often born from conditioning and societal views, NOT our own. ”
No it’s not. It is often our own. That is just a reality you have to face.
“But hey, if you meet a guy who’s perfect for you aside from him being too fat or too skinny, by all means, throw that perfect match out over something as malleable and ultimately symbolic as body type. It’ll be your loss.”
Except you’re wrong. It wasn’t a “perfect match” to begin with. You can’t force people to be attracted to someone they aren’t. And stop trying to approach this with that victim mentality. I can’t stand that. And please, stop trying to blame society for the decisions and tastes people form on their own.
DjARD
@Giancarlo85:
“Nope” and singular opinions do not a good argument make. I was willing to provide tidbits of wider social theory, and can start whipping out citations on the effects of media and cultural norms if needed. You’re providing rebuttals without context and further logical backing, in addition to distorting my own statements to create your defense.
Ditte Paul Posthuma de Boer
The Guy in the Light swimming trunks is feeling quite comfy…ð???
Giancarlo85
@DjARD: You’re using your own biased opinions and self victimization. Please stop trying to accuse people of just listening to society. People can make up their own minds. And how the heck would you know? You can’t tell what others are thinking. You are making too many delusional statements. I’m sorry, but why should I be attracted to someone who is overweight or obese? And I have provided plenty of context and logical backing, unlike you. You haven’t provided anything of substance.
Giancarlo85
And here is one clear example of how biased you are… you’re basically telling people they need to like obese or overweight men or they are brainwashed by society. Yeah, that’s just typical in more of the same self-victimization. People aren’t attracted to these types of men because they make up their own minds. Learn to accept that please.
glover477
I personally think the gay community period is segregated just like the rest of the world. Being gay has been hard for me being that I’ve never been on love and I’m 27 years old if you don’t have a nice body that’s a negative if you don’t have a condo on the water that’s a negative if you don’t have a bad car that’s another negative I’ve yet to meet someone or another gay male who isn’t material. The gay community is dog eat dog and the sad fact is half of the gay community don’t have a pot to pissed in and sleeping in a one bed room condo where they do that at. I make my own money and have a career. I like nice things in life and would love to share that with a guy one day
glover477
@James Hart: I’m not a bear but I’m attracted to all types of guys