This article was previously published on Medium under a different headline.
Monosexuals (people attracted to one gender), it’s time to talk about the songs you’ve been writing about bi people. More specifically, it’s time to admit that you need to stop writing songs about us. You’ve proven too many times that you are simply not up to the task.
As far as I can tell, people who aren’t bi have only even written two types of songs about bi people:
- “My partner (usually girlfriends because bi men barely exist in mainstream consciousness) is bi, it’s so hot, we’re gonna have a threesome!”
- “The person I like/have been flirting with got a boy/girlfriend (which ever would make them in a “straight passing” relationship) instead of being with me, so they must be a fake gay!”
This week, #LiamPayneIsOverParty was trending on Twitter because of the biphobic song on his new album, LP1. “Both Ways” is supposedly a song about Payne’s bisexual girlfriend and includes such romantic lines as “My girl, she like it both ways/She like the way it all taste/Couple more, we’ll call it foreplay/No, no, I don’t discriminate/Bring it back to my place/Yeah, she like it both ways (Both ways).”
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Payne is not the first straight man to use the fetishization of bi women as a catchy hook in his music. Other examples include the Weekend’s “Lost in the Fire” (You said you might be into girls/Said you going through a phase/Keeping your heart safe/Well, baby, you can bring a friend/She can ride on top your face/While I f*ck you straight) and even one of my guilty-pleasures, Tinie Tempah’s “Miami to Ibiza” (I’ll wake up in the morning with a/Mild case of amnesia/With a girl that like a girl/Like Lindsay Lohan and Queen Latifah(. Th)se songs and the many others like them perpetuate the dangerous stereotype of bi women as hyper-sexual, sex toys for straight couples, or down for anything.
These stereotypes are one reason why bi women face such high rates of sexual violence, with research showing that up to 66% or even 75% of bi women have experienced sexual violence. We can no longer tolerate fetishization in pop culture like music or TV, especially when the sexual violence it leads to is then completely either completely erased or ignored. At current, my organization the Bi Survivors Network, is the only resources specifically for bi survivors in the UK, with many bi survivors reporting they have had negative experiences when attempted to access help or support.
Bi people also have to deal with the second type of invalidating songs, often from gay or lesbian artists (I’ve personally come across a lot more from lesbians than gay men). Examples include GRLWood’s “Bisexual” (Every time we talk, it’s about your boyfriend/I don’t really wanna hear anymore about him/Can you talk about anything besides your boyfriend?/Good goddamn, I don’t wanna hear about your boyfriend), Hayley Kiyoko’s “Curious” (Calling me up, so late at night/Are we just friends?/You say you wanted me, but you’re sleeping with him) and Tegan and Sarah’s “Boyfriend” (You treat me like your boyfriend/And trust me like a like a very best friend/You kiss me like your boyfriend/You call me up like you want your best friend/You turn me on like you want your boyfriend/But I don’t want to be your secret anymore).
All of these songs rely on the biphobic stereotypes that bi women are just straight women looking for a bit of adventure, unwilling to leave their boyfriends, cheaters, and just all-round bad or unreliable partners.
(Side note; I’ve always wondered why the women who write these songs think they are better for the women they’re writing about than their boyfriends, when they seem so generally resentful of them and hung up on bisexual stereotypes.)
While these songs aren’t as damaging as those written by straight men, mainly because queer artists will never been given as much mainstream attention or clout, they do contribute to the “bad partner” narrative that makes bi people more vulnerable to jealousy-based abuse and to the double discrimination that causes bi people to have worse mental health outcomes than gay men or lesbians.
As if these tropes being so common in songs wasn’t bad enough, the frequent backlash against bisexual artists for creating songs about our experiences salts the wounds. As I wrote about earlier this year, when female musicians such as Demi Lavato, Rita Ora, or Ariana Grande who have up until now been assumed straight release songs about their multi-gender attraction, they are often accused of queerbaiting or ‘doing it for attention’ because bi people face a higher burden of proof when it comes to our queer credentials than other members of the LGBT community.
So monosexuals, it’s time to stop writing songs about us. You’ve done a pretty terrible job so far. Might I suggest taking a step back and letting us create our own music about our experiences (and in turn accepting that it’s okay if we’re queer in a way that’s different to you). After all, which some many amazing bi/pan/queer artists out there such as Janelle Monea, Christine & The Queens, Frank Ocean, and Harry Styles churning out bop after bop, we’ve got it covered. Thanks.
Lois Shearing is a bisexual activist, freelance writer, and content marketer. They founded the Bi Survivors Network and the anti-biphobia campaign DoBetterBiUs.
dhmonarch89
monosexual- joy, another stupid label/name to remember…
Heywood Jablowme
It’s pretty easy to figure out what it means.
Someone from Mono County, Calif., who has mononucleosis.
otsoko
“Monosexual” is a term used by some bi ‘activists’ (usually slacktivists) to deny the existence of gay and other queer people by grouping them with straight people. I have never conversed – online or in person – with anyone who uses the term who has not then proceeded to spew forth some kind of anti-gay bile. It is a clear marker of homophobia. It is also meant to be offensive – using a term for other people that they do not choose. But of course the same people will feign offense if someone were to use a term for bi people that they did not choose – so it is almost always an indication of serious hypocrisy.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
What do you expect from a vile homophibic puddle of puke?
Catholicslutbox
Not to take away from his blatant homophobia, but I doubt he even writes his own songs.
jjose712
I thought it was Louis the homophobic one from the bunch.
I know LIam supported the guy from that Duck Dinasty show, but implying homophobia from that is going a little too far. But maybe he had other incidents
Josh447
Cumon. What’s life without a fetish or two?!
Donston
Honestly, this whole article is a reflection of why so many people (including many inherently bi/pan people) roll their eyes at “bi-specific issues”. This is another “bi” write-up that doesn’t talk about real and complex issues that are slightly more bi-specific like fluidity/confusion, internalized homophobia, mental health struggles, sexual trauma, self-misandry, self-misogyny, paraphilias, being completely honest with yourself and others, understanding the gender, sexual, romantic, affection, emotional investment, relationship comfort spectrum. Instead, this is something else that re-asserts identity politics. It re-asserts an “us vs them” perspective. It re-asserts a victim mentality. It re-asserts an obsession with sociology and validation. And it shames other people for what turns them on and what they want. I understand not wanting to always feel fetishized or feeling as if you’re being de-humanized, especially by presumably “straight men”. But this article is not the best way to express those concerns.
Finally, Harry Styles has claimed he’s “straight” and can’t relate to “queer issues”. Did people forget that he just said that a couple months ago in a Rolling Stones article?
Rock-N-RollHS
It’s the babbling brook who stands alone in corners lecturing people about sexuality as they look for excuses to get away.
Hey, if you are going to quote that article on Styles, get the context. Nothing homophobic about it. Either you intentionally misquoted it or have reading comprehension issues. (From your garbled writing, I opt for the latter.)
The exact quote is: “At one of his earliest solo shows, in Stockholm, he announced, “If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are transgender — whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you. I love every single one of you.” “It’s a room full of accepting people.… If you’re someone who feels like an outsider, you’re not always in a big crowd like that,” he says. “It’s not about, ‘Oh, I get what it’s like,’ because I don’t. For example, I go walking at night before bed most of the time. I was talking about that with a female friend and she said, ‘Do you feel safe doing that?’ And I do. But when I walk, I’m more aware that I feel OK to walk at night, and some of my friends wouldn’t. I’m not saying I know what it feels like to go through that. It’s just being aware.” “
Donston
Um, who said anything remotely close to Harry is homophobic? He doesn’t embrace being seen as gay/bi/pan/queer/fluid/whatever. That is despite a percentage of his fan-base and the writer of this article trying to present him as such. That is all I was saying. Calm yo’ fanboy ass down.
bonbon
It’s also a-okay that Harry Styles relate to queer issues. Why would he?
Donston
I have a feeling that Harry Styles does have dimensions in his of gender, in his sexuality, and where he’s at within the general orientation spectrum. But he says that’s not the case. So, why is a professional writer stating otherwise? It’s like, do your research before you start grouping him with “out” artists.
I understand the author. I really do. Too much of the world is driven by “straight men”, and a decent amount of the “queer community” spends too much time trying to appease those men or fit in with those men. I’m not a fan of identity or behaviors being constantly fetishized and commercialized. Whatever identities you embrace, wherever you fit within the overall spectrum, whatever your “lifestyle” reflects- it should be about your own sense of self, your own self-acknowledgement and your personal happiness and peace of mind. However, a good amount of women have benefited from a large percentage of males being turned on by lesbian behaviors and being fully accepting of non hetero females. That’s something a lot of women refuse to acknowledge or truly dive into. Women already control most identity and sexual politics. That’s something that they also refuse to admit. While a lot of bi identifying/behaving people fetishize themselves for social, financial, ego benefits. Hell, I used to.
“Queer politics”, when it comes to social media, has moved on from practicality and education. Now, it’s about narcissism, validation and victim mentalities. I’m just sick of folks being obsessed with their sense of self being validated by everyone. And at the end of the day, telling “straight” guys that they can’t write songs about being turned on by girl-girl action is just dumb and simplistic.
JaredNorthcutt30
I love RockNRollHS. “The babbling brook who lectures people from the corners of the Internet.” Classic Donston!
Doctor Benway
Another boring article from a cry baby who needs attention.
Seriously, you really got to take one step back and look at yourself, it’s just a silly song a bit cliché,stop turning in into the end of the world.
You’re offended? OK, but that doesn’t mean you have to write a whole article to satisfy your giant ego. Take a breath and realize there is way more important thing in the world that your little person.
(saying these kind of songs are responsible for violence against bi-people is like saying video games are responsible for mass shooting murders : it’s stupid)
(And seriously, “bi survivors network”? What do you think you are? Victim of an holocaust? Please.).
bonbon
So true.
Josh447
Bingo. Well said.
eeebee333
As a (ostensible) writer yourself, you should be horrified at the thought of anybody restricting what another person can write. Liam Payne and everybody else should be allowed to write whatever the hell they want to write. If you don’t like the song, don’t listen to it. In my own humble opinion there are too many fascist crybabies expressing their narrow-minded views on Queerty and other LGBT sites. But I’m certainly not going to recommend censoring them.
richard 14
Liam Payne’s lyrics seem to be about a man-pleasing female who fakes her bisexuality to arouse him. Pathetic!
buttbooty
he is a homosexual just an abnormal one
TheMarc
“Biphobic?” I thought the whole issue was the fetishistic nature of the lyrics. I certainly wouldn’t refer to them as “biphobic.” But I hope they get the message. By they I mean the majority of gay media outlets, civil rights and entertainment organizations. Because they tend to pass out a lot of awards, accolades, and praise for a lot of what is being railed against in this article as it relates to bisexual women. What’s funny is I notice that any time a television show, film or other medium wants to appear “woke” and inclusive; they’re go to is lesbians and bisexual women. I guess they’re far more palatable than gay or bisexual men. What a problem to have.
richard 14
Liberals are uncomfortable with bisexual men because liberal women can’t cope with bisexuality in men.
jjose712
AS far as i know Harry said he is straight, gaybaiting doesn’t make him less straight