True confessions

Guys reveal the craziest things they’ve done to stay in the closet

A new Reddit thread asks users: What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve done to conceal that you are gay? And the responses vary from funny to sad to downright ridiculous.

“Married a woman,” one person writes.

“Same,” someone else replies, “but now I have two kids who I would never give up for anything… so, I’m conflicted. My ex has an awesome boyfriend (so do I), and we all get along together. It’s worked out great, but I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Related: “I Have A Girlfriend And Don’t Want To Lose My Friends” And Other Confessions From Gay Athletes

“I would erase the gay porn search history and then leave some fake traces of straight porn search result on the family computer,” another person says.

Turns out, he’s not the only person who tried that. Another guys writes, “I ‘accidentally’ left straight porn on my computer in full view and then left to the bathroom.”

“Agreed to purchase a female prostitute,” someone else confesses. “I’m doubly ashamed of that one.”

Related: Confessions Of Guys Who Are Crushing Hard On Straight Guys

One guy writes, “Openly ridiculing others for being gay in high school.”

To which, someone else replies, “I did just the same a year or two ago. I guess I knew deep down even then, and thought the best way to fit in would be to share other people’s hate. … I regret what I did every day.”

“I used to rip on kids that were fans of WWE because ‘it was very homo erotic,’” another guy says, “but lord knows thats the only reason I watched any sports. Basically, I projected a lot.”

What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve done to stay in the closet? Share in the comments below…

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  • Dad4Abs

    I got divorced and came out in 1980 after 16 years of marriage to a wonderful woman. For a couple of years before that as I was dealing with my homosexuality I had a post office box in a city 70 miles away under a false name so that I would receive the Advocate magazine and correspondence from the few gay men I had gotten to know. When I finally came out in 1980 at age 39, I let everybody know I was gay and actually had no problems with anyone.

    • BStewart27

      I was married for almost 16 years. She loved gay porn, but I didn’t want to share, and she also used to pimp me out to guys I who didn’t turn me on. I had a PO Box where I could get Playgirl, International Male and Falcon mailings.

  • brickdr66

    I dated girls and also penpal girlfriends.

  • phil2u

    I went to a brothel with 2 straight guys and pretended to be too drunk. They insisted I do the oral thing with her (go down on her), so I did. Another time I went to a motel with a guy in the army to have sex with his girlfriend; that turned into a bisexual encounter, so that wasn’t as bad.

  • MediaGuy

    I came out on Queerty as a conservative Republican. Then I got told over and over I was trolling Queerty and I should stick with my own kind, because I couldn’t possibly be gay. I got pushed back in the closet by my own kind. (yes, ladies, there are conservative fags).

  • GayEGO

    I always knew I liked guys, I came out in 1960, decided to live my life as a gay man in 1961, and met my lifetime partner in 1962, we got married in 2004 in Massachusetts where we live.
    The most ridiculous thing I did was boring, I introduced my partner as my roommate and let them decide whether or not we were gay.

  • Sluggo2007

    I never felt the need to be in the closet because I didn’t care what anybody thought and still don’t. My parents knew I was gay (as ALL parents do) and they didn’t have a problem with it. I don’t take any shit from anybody and they all know it.


    I let bullies intimidate a camp, rather effeminate classmate, who is actually straight, because I didn’t want them to suspect I was gay (which I was/am, I mean I was in the closet) by helping him. I had enough trouble with bullies at the time without giving them something else to use against me.

    I only came out to my Dad last Wednesday after waiting twenty years. I couldn’t believe how calm he was. Usually any mention of anything gay or pictures of men kissing on tv or anything like that and he looks away and how disgusting and unnatural it is, and yet last week he gave me a hug, the first ever in my 31 years.

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