Where do you come down on open relationships?
To some guys, they seem like an excuse to bail on commitment. For others, it’s the only way they can feel free to achieve emotional and physical fulfillment.
One thing becomes clear: There’s no ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to partnering up.
We wanted to hear what guys have to say about the topic when they’re free from judgment, so we asked Whisper to dig up some dirt.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Here’s what they found:
AxelDC
I don’t want to judge people on their personal life choices, but I question how committed someone is in a relationship is he is constantly on the prowl for other lovers.
No matter how glib these anecdotes maybe, every open relationship I’ve seen has ended the same way: one partner falls for one of his tricks and ends up leaving. It’s too easy to bail on a relationship when you have a line of suitors in your Grindr list.
If you don’t want to be faithful to someone, then don’t get married. Marriage is a commitment, not a job or a house which you need to live and you can leave when it suits your fancy.
Henry Collazo Canchola
Not my cup of tea but if you enjoy it, good for you. I can barely keep up with one man haha!
Matthew David Thompson
Matthew McMillion
bottom250
I am so ok with it but everyone involved must be open and honest with themselves and others in the relationships to make it work. Bring on the men.
Taskebab
It’s fucking offensive that non-monogamous people dare to call whatever they have a relationship. If you have a relationship you have sex with one person, none of that “emotionally committed, physically free” bullshit. What are we gays, all uncontrollable sex-addicted whores? It’s the disgusting behaviour of these non-monogamous sluts that are responsible for hiv. If you want to fuck around, whatever, but don’t call it a relationship and don’t harrass the decent gays who want a relationship by flirting and having sex with them while you don’t tell them you’re with someone. Open relationships is one of the most offensive things in this world
Lvng1Tor
My partner and I have been in an open relationship for over 5yrs and best friends for 14yrs. To portray all open relationships as men on the prowl is simplistic and petty. What it means to us is that we don’t completely discount the idea of sex outside of each other. We do have strict rules about where and when and it’s always thought out in advance. Sort of a free weekend every few months. We don’t ask but never once have either of us had to lie. Sure we’ve run into a person or 2 that one of us slept with and never failed to introduce that person for who they are. I’ve also never failed to tell a sex partner that I am in a relationship prior to hooking up…some are even friends of us both now (just friends…no benefits…well, beyond friendship)
People get into relationships for so many more reasons than the true mutual connection, love and respect that they should be about. That’s when relationships fail…not because they are open or monogamous or how ever they live their relationship…but because they settle for something that isn’t right for them or succumb to some social construct they feel they must abide by. If it’s monogamy that works for you great..if it isn’t be honest from the get go or as some relationships change/evolve keep the lines open…and never settle.
BTW, If you can’t be alone with out being lonely and you need a relationship to feel loved…you got work to do on yourself before yo get into a relationship. They don’t fix you. If a guy ever says…”I don’t know why I’m not in a relationship. I’m a catch and I have so much love to give
Lvng1Tor
…RUN
Frank Pizzacalla
I dont belive in open relationship
Cagnazzo82
Open relationship = Why bother even getting into a relationship at all?
You can be open and free to do whatever you want outside of a relationship.
If the relationship has to absolutely be open in order to survive then stop wasting each other’s time and just break it off already. It might as well already be broken because the person you’re with is no longer enough to fix whatever it is you feel you need.
Nate Potts
Men have a hard time keeping it in their pants. So in order to feel better about their utter lack of self control when it comes to sexual urges they seek out an open relationship.
bottom250
@Cagnazzo82: Because you want to be with a specific person that you have an emotional connection with, that you love being with, that is your soul mate but your sexual desires have you wanting more than one person physically.
Jesse Bombardier
I’ve tried it before (he suggested it), we had rules but of course he broke every single one, so no I’d never do it again. Not my thing.
William Meyer
Not for me….but I don’t judge others!
Michael Lukenbill
Yikes.
Dieter Michaels
So in this article nearly all gay men seem to want monogamy… yet in the real world you cannot find any that say they do. Someone is lying.
bottom250
@Nate Potts: @Nate Potts: You are one judgmental gay man.
Masc Pride
I literally LOL’ed @ the one with the guy who said he’s had more partners since he’s gotten married.
@Cagnazzo82: Depends on what the reason is. I’ve had relationships with other bisexuals where we agreed to not hold each other back from sex with the opposite sex of each other. Meaning if dating another guy, I could have sex with a girl. When dating a girl, I could have sex with another guy. It happens all the time. You’re not having anything more than an FWB “relationship” with the other person(s). I agree that going open to save or sustain a relationship probably won’t work. However, if it’s not an attempt to salvage the relationship and both agree it’s what they want to do, there’s usually no problem (from what I’ve heard and experienced).
I’m totally interested in trying polyamory too. I’d probably even be open to my significant other having sex with another guy in a poly relationship, whereas I wouldn’t like that in an open relationship.
Anthony Burgos
To each their own. But like others here, it just isn’t for me. I’m greedy and so I don’t like ta share.
Joseph C Landis-Midnight
All these judgemental gays act like they are being forced into one. Lol. You sound just like the anti-marriage equality bigots.
Guy068
@bottom250: Exactly. Both have to agree and if they agree to be monogamous one party can’t change his mind without being honest. I prefer open. I might have sex outside the relationship but my heart stays at home…
Christopher Boyd
Note how almost everyone says nobody wants monogamy but them. *eye roll*
JB
My bf and I don’t have an open relationship, but we sometimes invite others to have sex with us. It all started when I once almost hooked up with someone on my own during an out-of-town business convention and realized it would be no fun hooking up with someone else unless my bf was part of it. I spoke to my bf when I returned home and he agreed. The majority of the sex we have is just with each other (amazing!), but every once in a while we invite other guys to join us to spice things up. For us, it feels no different than if we introduced a couple of sex toys into our relationship. We have fun adding a little variation to our sex life, but we don’t have to feel guilty or secretive or emotional about it. We’ve been together for almost 14 years and it works great for us.
Josh447
Do what works for you personally. Monogamy is a social construct forced through ancient religion loving out its sand tent past. Be your own person. Design your relationships just the way you see fit, and be happy. We are all free spirits with free will, that is, until you insecurely give it up for conformity. At this time in history, monogamy equals a 50% divorce rate. Don’t knock open or closed. But do praise honesty and the rules that work for you. Above all though, ya better be flexible or you’re in for some hard knocks.
Frank Croix
An open relationship is like Pandora’s Box. Rules keep changing, lies develop, excuses, disrespect …..the lid cannot be closed. Stay single if you can’t commit.
Ash Astaroth
Humans are not naturally monogamous. I’m dumbfounded that a bunch of gays, people who already have experienced the futility of going against your own nature sexually, still buy the stupid monogamy myth. Also, what for? The “benefits” of monogamy are barely worth it. Also as a personal observation, it always seems like the guys who are the most perpetually single are always the ones giving monogamy such great lip service. Things that make you say hmmmmm….
Glücklich
I don’t have time at the moment to weigh in on this topic but I’m looking forward to reading others’ rants about what goes on in the bedrooms of two or more consenting adults which has no bearing on the lives of the rest of the world…because we gays *certainly* don’t want to come off as…say…bigoted anti-gay folks who seem to think what goes on in the bedrooms of two or more consenting adults *is* their business and will cause their magic talking sky ghost to smite the world into oblivion.
No, I’ll ruminate and come back with a long-winded, completely fucking idiotic comment so our resident shrink with the rote one size fits all “self-hating gay/internalized homophobia/daddy issues” diagnosis can rake me over the coals the same way he did for my not coming out via a Times Square billboard.
plazaro1
I tried it and eventually it didnt work out, first thing that you lose in the relationship is respect and after that its just a matter of time. An open relationship, is that, open, but it sure isnt a relationship, its an excuse to have sex w the world and thats ok if thats what youre looking for. In my 53 yrs I dont know a single couple who fell into an “open” relationship and are still together. Maybe it has worked out for some,however I feel instead of being called an open relationship it should be called an intimate open friendship and nothing else.
bottom250
@Guy068: Hugs well said, honey.
Michael Piccolo
Me and my BF are intelligent enough to know that our emotional connection exists outside of our physical attraction to each other and to other men. We understand there is a complete difference between love and arousal. And we understand that there is a difference between having sex, and making love.
Masc Pride
@plazaro1: It should be called whatever the participants choose to call it. I know a couple that has sustained an OR for more than a decade. I also know of plenty monogamous pairings that couldn’t even last a year, and I’m sure you do too. The type of relationship obviously isn’t the deciding factor in whether a relationship will be a success or not.
Derick Lindsey
It works for some people. If it doesn’t affect your life then don’t worry about it.
Duke Marine
There seems to be an odd equivalency for a lot of people between commitment and monogamy. The two are not the same. Monogamy is a type of commitment I suppose in that it’s a promise not to do something that one would otherwise want to do (otherwise it wouldn’t be a commitment). But if by commitment you mean a loving, committed relationship, you might want to think about what role you think monogamy plays in that.
Simon Easter
Monogamy all the way!
Brad Oleson
Man is not a monogamous animal. It is a social construct.
If you want to be monogamous, more power to you, but nature is against you. If the encounters are not out in the open, they eventually will happen behind closed doors, and that is simply called “cheating” then!
Greg Morris
I’m not that enlightened.
acutepbos
I don’t want to judge people that are being judgy people… BUT…. LOL
Some of y’all need to stop falling for generalizations of an open relationship that you create in your own head. And specifically Taskebab needs to STFU.
Whatever happened to “to each, their own”? Yes, I’m in an open relationship. There have been times I’ve felt more than just lust for a sex partner, and if it wasn’t for the fact that I can be open and honest with my husband, that intimacy for another would have become pretty destructive.
For us, it works. For others it doesn’t. But the minute you start judging others based on your perceived morality, you might as well statr watching Reverend Falwell.
Captain Obvious
I wonder how open the “relationship” will be at 50+ when you look back and realize you could’ve found someone you actually care about. I never tire of rolling my eyes at those perma-bachelors who hit on every young thing that walks by out of sheer desperation because they wasted their life away never putting down roots.
Flounder all you want, it doesn’t lead anywhere. If you really loved the one you were with then one would be enough. Keeping someone else as a placeholder while seeking someone else and refusing to admit it to yourself it quite pathetic.
Some guys never learned to masturbate before going out… or believed their parents lies about how “evil” it is. Keeps that childish wandering eye in check.
Raphael
Team monogamy. Polygamy is not for me. Of course I hook up with some guys on grindr but I’m just waiting the right guy to come along.
Ton Saeliew
Thing is, far more people think they can handle an open relationship than is actually true. To me, open relationships tend to work only for a small subset of the population.
scdel
I have been in a relationship for 38 years, thirty of them as a monogamous couple, which probably saved our lives as the AIDS epidemic overwhelmed the gay community five years after we got together. It became increasingly obvious to the both of us that monogamy is not a natural state. People need to be able to express themselves sexually without the artificial constructs of a puritanical society. We established ground rules: safe sex only, our house is off limits for hook ups, we inform each other of when we are meeting with someone else, and no mutual friends. We are much happier now, more committed to one another now that the frustrations of monogamy have been removed. I am not advocating this philosophy for everyone, it just works for us.
bottom250
@Captain Obvious: Why not just embrace the diversity in the gay community. If this is a life style not for you then more power to you but I love and embrace those couples that have a happy open relation as well as those who are monogamous.
DimAsAnEmber
I couldn’t care less what other people want to have in their relationships. But I don’t really think I could do that in mine. I’m too greedy, I wouldn’t want to share. But if we were only dating, not like at the committed stage of the relationship, then I wouldn’t mind him seeing other people as well. e
Billy Budd
I believe in open relationships. I may love someone very deeply, but at the same time be horny with other guys and fuck around. I like to fuck, it is in my nature, and VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.
Raphael
Lol that’s the most stupid thing. Having sex more then one time with one person is so much better then one night stand…
bottom250
@Raphael: That is true for you Raphael not everyone
Clive Gabriel
Monogamy is a lovely veneer.
I like my wood solid
Will Glitzern
Oh look,! The butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker were in an open relationship.
Joseph Lewis
Define your own relationship. Sex is not love, love is not sex.
crowebobby
I don’t have a dog in this fight because I’ve never wanted a “marriage” open or monogamous. But of all the relationships I’ve known and read about, one of the most ideal to me has always been that of Christopher Isherwood and Don Bachardy. Thirty-three years — till death did them part –together (though according to today’s gay platform they couldn’t possibly have had anything to talk about due to the age gap); Isherwood accepted that the nearly virginal Bachardy would have a sexual curiosity that didn’t negate the love he felt for Christopher. Call me crazy, but it seemed to work for them, though I’m sure a lot of you know better.
AtticusBennett
http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2010/01/what-is-monogamy-all-about.html
is Whisper exclusively used by insecure homos?!
here’s the deal – the more people understand themselves and their own sexuality, the less they’re going to care about following the ideals of others.
this whole “i feel pressured for not being into openly-sexual relationships!” has a similar ring to the “i’m not like those other gay people!” whispers – in so many cases, it’s just clear as crystal that it’s newly-Out and insecure gay men who are still trying to “not be like those OTHER gays” that their home communities denigrated.
here’s how monogamy works – when two people want to be monogamous for the same healthy reasons.
here’s how non-monogamy works – when two people want to be non-monogamous for the same healthy reasons.
“i’m so in love, i would NEVER want to be with another man!”
“we’re so in love we can be sexual with other men without it negatively affecting our relationship!”
understand yourself. understand your sexuality. understand that your sexuality is not the same as your Orientation. understand that how you feel about your sexuality is inexorably linked to the attitudes about “gayness” and “sexuality” that you were raised around. understand that if you allow yourself, your ideas will grow and change with you.
AtticusBennett
how about Serial Monogamists? can we talk about that, too?
i had an argument with a guy years ago who was going on and on and ON about he “wasn’t into hookups” or “casual sex” because he’s into “love, and relationships” etc. that he only has sex with guys that he’s “in love with”
i pointed out that he’d had seven, SEVEN, boyfriends in the last two years. that’s seven different guys he was “in love with”, and in “a committed monogamous in-love relationship with”, in TWO YEARS.
by not wanting to “cheapen” sex, he’s effectively cheapened LOVE.
it’s not as if there’s only committed monogamy and one-night-stands, either. i like to get to know my lovers. even a fuckbuddy or friend with benefits is indeed a relationship.
AtticusBennett
@Captain Obvious: “If you really loved the one you were with then one would be enough. ”
patently false. that’s YOU. it’s not everyone else. at all.
Alex Williams
For all the guys who say they want monogamy, but then say all the men they meet are only interested in sex, I wonder where are they meeting other gay men. If over half of your interactions with other gay men are on apps like Grindr and the like, well you are experiencing a small subset of gay men. Volunteer for a gay charity or political group. Or perhaps business networking sites. Just go out into the real, non-digital world and meet and talk to actual people, and then see how things turn out.
Atrius
There’s plenty of guys that only want one guy. If you’re with someone who doesn’t then you’re with the wrong guy. Period.
Elvis Aaron
Gross
Timothy Grover
Rub-a-dub-dub! Three men in a tub! lol
Chris
@Michael Piccolo: EXACTLY. Communication is the key. The two of you seem to have achieved it. Congrats.
Ron Nebeker
Me and my husband have been together going on 10 years and we do not have an open marriage and we have very happy and Fulfilled. I think the most are not talking about love and just sex. A good relationship has both love and sex not just one. We are both adamant that we do not want an open relationship.
Chris
I was so into this debate when I first came out because (surprise!) I wanted everything about a straight marriage without figuring things out on my own. But as I’ve grown older, sorted a few things out more-or-less, and have met so many good people who fall along so many different configurations in this domain, I now don’t think that this is asking the right question.
The real question should be: do you communicate honestly with one another? The rest are (sometimes important) details on how life works for each person, couple or more.
I say this having played spice-gurl (or spice-boy) for others. And the only time that I’ve gotten annoyed is when I’ve realized that the guy was cheating on his partner. THAT is lying and I don’t like being a part of it. In those cases, I’ve ended the encounter at once. ….. But then, that’s just me.
Jean-Claude Poulin
There is a difference beyween commitment to a monogamous “relationship” and a powerful friendship that is consumated with occasional physically intimacy. An open relationship is not in my view a “relationship” in the traditional meaning of the word so why call it a relationship at all? It would eliminate jealousy many other problems .
Sean Christopher Hayes
Yeah those three look like the settling down types. No prenup there.
Ed Garcia
“Argh argh argh!! We no think, we can never be monogamous, me, you, can’t control uuuurrrrges!!! Argh!!! We animal species!!! Argh!!”
– Idiotic response from people that can’t stop sticking their penis into something.
bottom250
@Jean-Claude Poulin: How is having a loving partner not a relationship?
Daniel Alvarado
i would never be in an open relationship i just couldnt share a partner with anyone sexually
AtticusBennett
@Jean-Claude Poulin: a fuckbuddy is still a relationship. as is a best friend. as is a friend with benefits. as is a spouse.
they’re all relationships.
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: Then don’t get into a relationship to begin with, unless the other wants the same open relationship. If you have sexual desires for others, why bother?
bottom250
@Giancarlo85: It is only an open relationship when both want it otherwise it isn’t an open relationship.
Cagnazzo82
@bottom250: What is a ‘soul mate’ if the alleged emotional connection you have with this said individual isn’t enough to keep you satisfied.
A ‘soul mate’ is a ‘soul mate’ until you find the next ‘soul mate’.
An open relationship is just further mockery of the arbitrary term.
Wahya73
@Frank Croix: Who says people aren’t capable of committing themselves to more than one person? To that, who are you to tell anyone how to enjoy their relationships? If it isn’t for you, fine, but don’t be arrogant in telling others what they should be doing.
Tino Dreamerr
I truly wonder how both partners feel about it and not one say we’re ok but the other is been force or just simply has no choice or say on it
bottom250
@Cagnazzo82: That person you have an extreme emotional loving connection with. Emotions and love are separate from sexual wants and desires. In an open relationship both partners are ok with sleeping around with in their common agreed upon boundaries
Ladbrook
I had two LTRs that ended because the other guy eventually started cheating. In BOTH cases I offered to “open” the relationship for threesomes or couple-swapping, or even a once-a-month open weekend. In BOTH cases the other man said No, I’m sorry I cheated, and I hate open relationships.” And then, of course, both cheated again.
Currently, I’m dating someone monogamously (two years). He refuses to discuss “an open relationship” and insists on monogamy, but I know of at least one person he’s cheated with. So far I’ve said nothing, but eventually this one will end, I suppose.
Next time: open is the only option or I don’t enter.
Edward Langley
Wished I was in one
Glücklich
@Ladbrook:
The cheating has currency. Assign it a value, let him know you know, and milk it until you’ve spent that capital. Then dump’im. You punish him at the same time you unwind the relationship like you’d unwind a poorly performing hedge fund.
BitterOldQueen
Jeez, so much judgey-ness of other peoples’ relationships here! “It’s not a relationship;” “monogamy is the ideal”–honestly, folks, (a) why is anyone else’s relationship any of your business to judge (isn’t that sort of part and parcel of what we’ve been fighting against for decades?), and just because a relationship doesn’t fit neatly into your preconceived, conventional notion of what a relationship “should be” is, really, just a bit irrelevant to anyone (and, again, isn’t that the sort of pious standard-setting we’ve been struggling with for decades?). Queerty should quit asking this sort of question, because, again, it’s nobody’s business but the two (or more) people involved. Period.
Tommy Ogletree
I would not and could not be in an open relationship. For me sex and love and emotion are all one. I can’t have sex without love. That is just me though. Everyone else do what make you happy.
bottom250
@BitterOldQueen: I agree 100%, honey.
Gary Harryman
Americans are beginning to grow up and figure out that Nature makes humans like snowflakes – no two alike.
To create evolutionary progress and insure species survival, Nature makes humans and their sexuality unique. If we look at the evidence, evidently there are as many ways of being sexual as there are ways of being human times days.
So, if there are 7.2 billion people on this planet today, that means there are 7.2 billion ways to be human and 7.2 billion ways for humans to be sexual – today. Potentially, that means tomorrow there will be 7.2 billion other ways for those humans to be human and to be sexual. Nature creates all of that awesome potential for humans to express their individuality to insure survival of the species, and yet simplistic Regressive minds want to force all 7.2 billion people to be the same and to have sex only one way – their way.
As Caitlyn Jenner says – “Accept one another; we’re all different, and that’s a good thing.”
Anthony Tubbs
Gay men are also sociopaths 75% of the time
Xzamilio
Fuck that shit. I used to have this fairy tale image of being with only one guy… but that was when I was much younger. Now, I want to do other things for myself, and a relationship ain’t in the cards right now. If it happens, it happens, but I’m not looking Mr. Right… just Mr. Right Now or Mr. Every Now and Then
bottom250
@Anthony Tubbs: where did you get your stats?
Xzamilio
Open relationships? I’m not completely against it, but I’d like to think that if I’m with one person, I’m with that person. But, honestly, monogamy is not for everyone and it makes no sense trying to shade others for having active sex lives with multiple people. As long as people are protecting themselves, they can parade half of Manhattan through their bedroom a night, for all I care.
Glücklich
@BitterOldQueen:
How dare you make such perfect sense? Queerty will be removing your comment and sending an assassin to your home because logical points that don’t further inflame an argument KILL THEIR TRAFFIC!! I’ll miss you, BitterOldQueen! I wish we could have been neighbors.
Finrod
@Taskebab: “It’s fucking offensive that non-monogamous people dare to call whatever they have a relationship.”
Keep your wig on, Gladys. You’re as nasty as the fundamentalist preachers who fight gay rights. People can and will do whatever they damn well please in their relationships, despite your fulminating rants.
And how exactly is it that there are so many men complaining bitterly that they’re the only ones that want monogamy? Why can’t they get together with each other? Seems like they might have other issues and prefer to blame being single (as if it were a problem) on everyone but themselves.
TSizzle
My partner suggesting an open relationship or polyamory would more than likely result in us breaking up. Can’t get more open than single.
TSizzle
@Ron Nebeker: Beautifully said
Giancarlo85
@bottom250: Sleeping around sure does show satisfaction in an open “relationship”. I think it more shows that someone isn’t sexually satisfied with their boyfriend and therefore goes to other men.
Ron Russell
Will needs to learn from this on “Days of our Lives.”
Hank
Open relationship is not exclusive to gays and monogamy does not work even for straights.
Realitycheck
@Ron Nebeker: Bravo Ron, I am in a similar situation 24 years monogamous relationship,
we love and respect each other, I can understand a young guy wanting sex adventures, but that is just sex, not love,as you said.
Love, well true love is for two not twenty, it cannot be shared.
I think a lots of gay guys have serious emotional problems due to the way we
are discriminated growing up, and because most of us have to hyde our being gay,
and most importantly, we do not get the romantic (gay) guidance straight kids do.
And I believe there is where the promiscuous side of our gay community is rooted.
To make things worse once monogamous gay guys come out and start
dating, often they find themselves faced with promiscuous guy after guy, and that
doesn’t help.
We can see it in some of the whispers above, the “I will be alone”.
I suspect, open relationships are just a trend like the flower child was in the 60s, it will not
last, good guys will always be that and promiscuous guys will also always be who they are.
For the record I am extremely sexual and my partner is not, NOT a problem, I can cool it and he can
warm it, it is that simple, all one need is love!
Realitycheck
@Hank: It depends on the person, we all have different emotional needs, but simply put, with out monogamous relationships, most likely you and I would not be alive, would we?
Because our parents wouldn’t have got married.
seasailor
Gay men are not the most trustworthy when it comes to sex. (Sweeping Generalization Alert). Like the saying goes: “all men think with their dicks”, and while we gay men usually attribute this to straight guys, it is also very true of us. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Each one unique which stands, or doesn’t, on its own merits. I’ve witnessed some very long-term open relationships that have stood the test of time, whereas casual sex with different partners is simply an extracurricular pleasure and not defined within the relationship parameters. Personally I prefer monogamy. If I’m going to commit, then it’s going to be the whole hog. I believe open-relationships to be an open door in case something better comes around.
Sidney Davies
Open relationships are for little boys who don’t know how to commit to someone.
Daniel Bujes
This was just a bunch of whining and shaming. Not everyone wants monogomay and not everyone wants an open relationship. It’s almost like we’re individuals with options and sentience!
Many of these were people trying to impose morality of monogamy vs open. There is no morality there. Just different kinds of relationships…and nobody is making you choose one, you get to choose!
Glücklich
@Sidney Davies:
Aren’t you cute! Run along while the grown-ups talk.
Adrian Paul Annas
Masc committed type? Wtf
Raphael
@Ladbrook: I’m so sorry for you 🙁 Let’s hope that not all gays are like that…
Raphael
@TSizzle: LOL YAAAS I would do the same.
TSizzle
Seriously for me the emotional and the physical go hand in hand.
Cobalt Blue
I’m lucky I don’t have to deal with people involved in ‘open relationships’ ( the equivalent to go to a brothel ) or ‘poliamory’ ( the equivalent to bring the brothel to your home ) because I would feel dirty.
Ricky201
I love some of the outright puritanical comments on here toward non-monogamous couples. I’ve been with only one guy for 5 years and we are also engaged. I don’t really think about non-monogamy, but I don’t quite understand the need to bash others that are into it. I see plenty of monogamous couples fail due to possession and jealousy. Which are exactly the same things that non-monogamous couples seem to preach against. I’ve seen non-monogamous couples fail due to a lack of trust and transparency. Any of those things can and do ruin relationships. Each couple has their own niche, personalities, and wants and needs. I don’t understand why constructing relationships to model nuclear family monogamy is the best way to go all the time. Why exactly do we have to be like the straight couples whose monogamous marriages have a 50% chance of surviving. Doesn’t sound like a great fucking model to follow to me. The best relationship policy is just to be honest with one another. Keep commitments that you can keep and be honest about the ones you can’t.
BigG
Let’s just get real. An open relationship is where your partner is basically tired of you sexually and wants other men. But he LOVES your money and living arrangement. Living alone is expensive. He hates being alone so an open relationship is suggested because it’s easier. Any self respecting man knows as soon as it’s suggested, the relationship is OVER.
the first time he has sex with a hot guy who has more money, goodbye to you. Your both just wasting your time. The love is not equal. You deserve better
BigG
Open relationship just means you SETTLED and have given up on finding your true soul mate.
TSizzle
@BigG:
That’s why I say if my partner ever suggest it, the the relationship is over. for several reason. 1) it tells me he or she is not happy and Im not trying to hold on to something where one of us isn’t happy. I’m willing to work on it, but not this
2)WHEN I say no (not if, but when), and he/she drops it, it’s always going to be in the back of my mind when they leave the house or work late, if they are out there fucking with someone else, and I can’t live like that which brings me to 3.
3) I can’t live knowing that my partner is out there doing god knows what with god know who, and god know what that person has done.
4) Relationships are complicated when it’s two people, but then to go and have to add rules to a relationship just so one or both of you can fuck around. For me is no way to live.
I love coming home to my partner know that he only wants me. Im not worried about my partner bringing me home something because his hook-up had something. it’s not worth it. The physical and the emotional go hand in hand for me. and the physical is only amplified because we have the emotional. Im 32, hookups grew old for me my mid to late 20’s at someone the security of have that one special person is enough for me. Plus there are too many sex positions, toys, games, lotions, etc to keep the sex alive and exciting. Resorting to multiple partners is the easy and punk way out. and for those of you thinking im being judgmental well maybe I am, but as a friend of mine on twitter tweeted today, Only insecure people feel that a persons opinion is casting judgement. If you are truly secure with your actions, others opinions wouldn’t be seen as judgement.
TSizzle
@BigG:
I’d rather be single than an option.
BigG
@TSizzle: same here.
ChasingTheWind88
Personally I would much rather be Mongamous than in an open relationship. I’ve always had it that sex is a gift that two people in Love share with each other. Call me old fashiong/ prude/ etc. I couldn’t care less. I’ve tried initiating a threesome one time, while my partner wasn’t into it at first, I was. After getting home and going forward with it after already immediately regretting my decision to do so. It hit me that sex is not something I take lightly. I felt guilty and disgusted at myself and even worse when I realized how much my Partner was into it. So I stopped, put up a wall and went to bed. It hasn’t happened since and we’ve both learned from it. We’ve had a talk a while back about open relationships and how it’s not something either of us want. However I can’t help but think if he’s truly being honest with me. We’ve been together for 10 years. It hasn’t always been great. There have been times where his depression has gotten to him and I wasn’t the easiest person to talk to. It took me catching him talking to guys online more than a handful of times, to him while on “break” (he was so far gone in his depressoon that i told him he needs to figure out what it is he wants) while still living together he has been talking to this guy and during that break he chose to go behind my back, rent a car, and spend the day with him 400 miles away. I found out. I knew something was up. He was being sketchy about his phone and always keeping in his pocket. Never leaving it out and when I asked that he should he got upset with me and defensive. The day before the said event he told me he was going to stay super late at work (dead give away), so that morning I woke up early to use the bathroom and he was bent over as if he was looking for.something. didn’t think anything of it. Until later when I realized his cologne and sneakers were gone. After a couple of days I asked him where he was he didn’t budge and said he was at work. So I lied and said I had my cousin stop by cuz I thought he was having car trouble and said that my cousin told.me he wasn’t there. It finally came out. He told me they had lunch then a movie, that the guy initiated holding hands and kissed him. I was so beyond torn. I had to act like I was “mature” and let him talk. I was dying inside. I am not the type that cries because I was taught that crying is a weakness. I wanted to die. So afterwards we went to bed. During this whole time he was still talking to him, then after catching him sending me a text that was meant for him. I asked for his phone. He wouldn’t let me see it. Then decided to let me see a tiny part of it and all I saw was “can you see yourself being with a guy?”. That was it. Then a huge fight breaks out. I still had feelings for him and when I asked him if he loved me, he said he will always love me, which was not real assuring. I told him to choose right now, he said he can’t and that he wanted to go down one.more time to see him. I was like no absolutely fucking not! He claims they did not hook up. I call bullshit. You don’t drive 400 miles to just have lunch and see movie especially after exchanging nude photos. Over time he came around. Then a few months ago he admitted being attracted to younger guys while I am attracted to mature guys. He brought up that open relationship work for.some couples and I couldn’t help but ask if that’s what he wanted and he said no. Then I reminded him of what he did and he said he had a huge judgement relapse. I can’t help but think is he being honest? Was he ever being honest? Is he leaving stuff out thinking he is “protecting” me? I like to think we’ve moved passed that whole issue and slowly I’ve gotten over the initial shock from it however parts of it still haunt me. I told him that I am scared shitless that something l8ke this will happen yet again and this time I won’t be there to fix things. I’ve always wanted a Man that loves me for who I am and appreciates what I do for them. I’ve always imagined (being a country kid and all) that I would Marry a Cowboy and live on a ranch and live happily ever after. That never happened. I am outgoing and love being outdoors. He’s very introverted and would rather stay in and watch novies. Our sex life seems one sided. It’s about him and me cumming in his mouth.I’m unto gear like underwear/ singlets/ speedos/ silky and spandex materials. He is not. I’ve gotten him speeds to wear to push me.over the edge as well as an actual college singlet. He has tried to participate with me however it seems so forced. And doesn’t do anything for me. I am at loss. Lately I seem to be a jerk.he seems withdrawn. He has been much better this time around with leaving his phone out, no passwords and he has been open about everything. Can a person really just flip that switch off? Supposedly he “sees clearly now and knows what he wants” he even proposed. That being said as a Mongamous gay guy who has never except that one time tried to invite another person into my sex life, am I with someone who.wants the same or am I setting mself up for failure?
Clark35
@Captain Obvious: Exactly. I know men and even women, and people of all genders/sexualities who have had them and open relationships do not really work out.
Alan David Smith
I take various medication’s that make sex hard for me from any position. a decreased libido and other scenerio’s. were the 1’st step’s. plus my boyfriend had already explored his other side. where I hadn’t. but for me at least. intimacy was not something I shared with anyone but him. sex was sex. and love is love. and for him it was both. others may not know or understand. but we did. and I was with him till he died. and if he were still alive I still would be.
Michael Hunter
bottom250
@ChasingTheWind88: ok
James Sigmon
Don’t believe in open relationships if you that board with life then you need to move on.
James Sigmon
Monogamy all the way!
jason smeds
There is no such thing as an open relationship. It’s just a gimmicky expression invented by losers who want to play around.
Barry1
Well my civil partner decided he wanted an open relationship as he wanted to be free to see whoever and have sex with whoever. As he is younger then me I agreed but now he has meet someone else who he wants to be with .So I think why did he marry me and all the things we planed are just gone. So I don’t think in my case there is such thing as an open relationship just I meet someone else so sod off
Janus Ourma
Judith Butler questioned the conditions of marriage: who decided that it had to be two? Whether married or not, why not have three or four people in relationship? It is solely for the purposes of the bureaucratic State that only two people are permitted to be in a marriage. Outside of the State’s requirements of control let’s be radical and create different relationship arrangements. Go on be inventive.
Mike-J-Sass
It amazes me that the gay community has fought for so long to have our relationships treated as equal to straight relationships,to have them not looked down upon as immoral and unnatural, and then some in the community turn around and look down on other peoples relationships because they’re not like theirs. If you wan’t to be monogamous, that’s fine. If you wan’t to be in a an open relationship, that’s fine as well, as long as everyone involved is on the same page an no one gets hurt, then do whatever makes you happy. And if you’re having trouble finding someone who wants to be monogamous, don’t blame the people who don’t want monogamy, finding the right person is tough no matter what the circumstances. If you want monogamy and the person you’re with wants an open relationship, then except that it’s probably not going to work and move on, no one has to be the villain. We keep saying we don’t want the straight community to judge us for who we are and who we love, but how can we be taken seriously if we judge each other for not wanting a commitment?
Glücklich
Everyone’s entitled to their opinions.
My open marriage works out just fine for my husband and me. Together five years, married for one. We started as open and don’t see a need to fix what ain’t broke. It’s only as complicated as we choose to make it.
An earlier post mentioned consummating deep friendships with sex. Seems the best way to think of it for our situation. We each know – meaning we’ve met, even hung out socially – each other’s partners; everyone is on the same page. None of the other partners is looking to settle down with either of us, and we aren’t looking to settle down with any of them.
My trusted, vetted, inner circle of four other regular partners are men I’ve known for a long time, even longer than Mr. Glücklich, and two of them I genuinely love, though not in the same way I love Mr. Glücklich.
A lot of comments describe keeping a placeholder while searching for greener pastures. To me, the other partners are only pastures of different shades of green, if that makes sense. If Mr. Glücklich is made happy by his other partners, why would I want to deprive him of that? And he feels the same. We don’t see our other partners as compensating for shortcomings on the part of the other but as adding another layer of experience. It’s a big world out there and for my husband and me, being together and signing the papers didn’t suddenly erect a wall around us.
Like relationships of *any* configuration, it works for some and not for others. There are no guarantees in life either way.
Hank
@Realitycheck: Marriage is just a social construct, you and I were born of copulation. Obvious, but people can have sex even without marrying.
Mark
I feel it is just an excuse to sleep with as many guys as you can…if a person truly is in love with another person they shouldn’t want to sleep with anyone else…it is strictly for selfish convenience only.
Mark
@Glücklich: So you are just stereotypical whores…
Glücklich
@Mark:
I prefer slut. Whores get paid.
But you know that.
lauraspencer
For me it is simple….
If I want to sleep with multiple partners I will be single.
If I find a special guy who stimulates me mentally/physically and shares my more morals and values I will want to settle down and be monogamous.
If I meet a guy who doesn’t do it for me physically long term, but there is a mental connection we will be friends and not partners.
It is too exhausting to be with someone and still looking all the time to get physical satisfaction. I’d rather be single.
BigG
Falling in love is truly beautiful. The thought of you being with someone else or your partner with someone else should naturally make you feel sick. Its unbearable. When that feeling is gone, you are officially not in love and are just friends. Life is too short to be with someone for convenience . As iyanla says, dont dishonor yourself. Your worth more. Don’t give up searching and kick that selfish slut to the curb. Hes just using you until his dream guy comes along who has more money. Probably younger too. He’s not worth it.
Michael Addington
Open relationship with STD/STI’S
Charlie in Charge
Try out what you think will work and be honest along the way.
Glücklich
@BigG:
It sounds like you got over that one bad experience pretty quickly and are no longer dwelling on it. How many years has it been? Jeez!
juiceboy
@AxelDC: How dare you question my commitment to my husband just because we both like to have sex with other people sometimes. You don’t know us, you don’t know our lives or our minds or our hearts.
@Taskebab: It’s “fucking offensive” that you think you get to dictate the rules of relationships for everyone. Haven’t we spent decades as a gay community fighting against attempts by other people to tell us the appropriate way to be in a relationship? And here you are doing the exact same thing. You’re literally no better than the conservative Christians who want to keep us from getting married in the first place – you don’t care about freedom or our ability to make our own choices about our own lives, you just want to impart your moral opinions on the rest of us. It’s the same thing Mike Huckabee wants.
boops123
I do not believe it’s a GAY thing, it’s a GUY thing. Most guys are just very sexual.
Maude
I’ve only known two gay couples that say they are in a
monogamous relationship….
…and last year, I saw one of the men in a ‘lip-lock’
with another man in a Gay Bar in Harrisburg,Penn.while
his ‘husband’ was visiting his parents in South Florida.
I never said a word.
Curty
I personally wouldn’t agree for an open relationship but it is in men’s nature to seek other sex partners. I’ll be one of those who wouldn’t want to know. If you going to be with others don’t let me know about it. Rather not.
Glücklich
@ChasingTheWind88:
You sound miserable and his depression and its accompanying erratic behavior is a maintenance issue. Trade him in.
Glücklich
@Michael Addington:
Nice sentence fragment. But enough about your situation. What are your thoughts on open relationships?
ohw04
Come on people… to each his own. Isn’t this one of the great freedoms of being gay is that you don’t have to conform to one particular concept of what a relationship should be.
It’s just as moronic to say that men can’t be monogamous as it is to say that open relationships are bad or wrong.
I tried an open relationship and it wasn’t for me. However, I believe that it can work well for some people. I have a bit of a jealous streak. That’s me. It’s who I am. I recognize that, so open relationships don’t work for me.
So long as you and your partner understand who they are, and are open and honest with each other a relationship will be successful… monogamous or open. It’s when you lie to yourself and/or your partner that your in for trouble.
If open relationships work for you – I say BRAVO!
lather
Seems like there are plenty of guys who want to be open and plenty who want monogamy. Seems like a good question to ask up front and proceed with like-minded guys.
Big thing is do not lie. Be yourself. Nothing wrong with either type of relationship.
barkomatic
Some of the commentators on this thread need to learn the same lesson that conservative Christians must learn and that is that someone else’s relationship does NOT effect yours.
If you want monogamy then get into a monogamous relationship and stop the hate on other guys who make their own personal choices. It almost sounds as if these guys want to enforce their sense of morality on others–that seems familiar to me.
Ttrotski
Monogamy is not the norm for the human animal and the male of our species is especially hardwired for seeking multiple sex partners throughout its life cycle, not only as a means of assuring genetic diversity but also as a mechanism by which to strengthen the social bonds with other males. This is supported by multiple scientific studies. Unfortunately in our distressingly unenlightened society we more use fairy tales to teach our young about sexuality and relationships and only venture into the science of it when it can, through fear, be used to control and manipulate. Even worse is the fact that those fairy tales we do use are woefully inadequate for preparing heterosexual youth for the realities of our creature’s sexual/emotional expression, setting up ridiculous expectations, and never addressing , even in its inadequate approach, homosexual relationships.
Cagnazzo82
@Ttrotski: Jealousy is about as much a natural trait in humans (and other mammals for that matter) as unfaithfulness is.
Guess what else is a trait? Monogamy as well. Because there is no one defined norm.
But there is a norm that humanity came up with in order to maintain a stable society. There’s a reason why polygamy and polyamory went out of style pretty much across the board in almost all societies on earth, regardless of culture or religion. If everyone was spreading their seed and following their animalistic instincts there’d be kids born all over the place not being raised properly.
Granted gays have the advantage that they can sleep around without fear of bringing children into the world. Therefore some gays will conceded to their more animalistic instincts, whereas others will feel more content adhering to the stable monogamous lifestyle.
All of it is within the bounds of human nature, but only monogamy has the advantage of building stronger and longer lasting relationships.
jasentylar
@Lvng1Tor: SO TRUE.
Doughosier
It seems like guys who want to be monogamous always fall for guys who don’t.
buffnightwing
Why are all the picture of YOUNG, WHITE, and PRETTY MEN? This website is full of OLD QUEENS!
Try living in a small town, its very easy to stay monogamus when there is no one else to play with!
LOL
Glücklich
@buffnightwing:
Tsk. All gay men are young, white, and pretty. Hell-OOOOO! Under which rock have you been living? I’m about 3½ years from gay death myself.
DonW
@AxelDC: “every open relationship I’ve seen has ended the same way: one partner falls for one of his tricks and ends up leaving”
That’s because the failed relationships are the ones you hear about. Normal, happy relationships don’t become the topic of gossip like spectacular breakups.
A great many gay male couples keep their relationships happy and sexually spicy for years by some degree of openness. In fact, the arrangement can save marriages that would otherwise collapse over sexual dissatisfaction.
Aires the Ram
I’ve been a relationship with a wonderful man for 15 1/2 years, the last 3 1/2 legally married. It was closed the first 2 or 3 years so we could establish ourselves within the relationship, become secure within the relationship, and get to know each other. We were not each others 1st relationship, he was 36 when it started, I was 42. That being said, how fucking DARE some little queen who has obviously NEVER been in any meaningful relationship before, TELL ME, a 57 year old (been Out for 37 years) gay man that MY relationship is MEANINGLESS just because it happens to be open and it works for us???
How dare you. Plan on being single for a very long time, with inflexible attitudes like that, no one would have you, at least for very long. If you’re just coming out, in your 20’s or 30’s, Go Out and experience different men, different ‘relationships’ for yourself, then come back in 30 years and tell me you KNEW IT ALL in 2015. Go ahead, off with you!
DonW
@Realitycheck: “I suspect, open relationships are just a trend like the flower child was in the 60s, it will not last.”
More than likely, if the “flower child” trend comes to an end, the same degree of bed-hopping will continue, the old-fashioned way: cheating and lying about it. Do you really think no one had extramarital sex in the good old days?
DonW
@Cagnazzo82: “There’s a reason why polygamy and polyamory went out of style pretty much across the board in almost all societies on earth, regardless of culture or religion.”
Where did you get that chestnut?
Fact: of 1,231 world cultures, 84.6 percent are classified as polygynous (one man, multiple women), 15.1 percent as monogamous, and 0.3 percent as polyandrous. Source: Ethnographic Atlas Codebook https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy
o.codone
@Lvng1Tor: you sanctimonious, self satisfied little twit. You make me puke.
tdh1980
I’ll start judging the parameters and definitions of other men’s relationships when I can get passed a first date myself. Until then, as Sheryl Crowe once said, if it makes you happy…
csports286
I don’t get it! I’ve never been so consumed with sexual desire that I’d have to go outside my relationship to quench it. That’s unfathomable! I don’t give those guys the time of day. If you want a monogamous relationship, don’t settle! Your prince will come!
msc1208
There is no such thing as an open relationship. Either 1 or both of the parties involved have labeled it as such in order to handle it emotionally. Its not a relationship, its an arrangement. An arrangement made because one of the parties has lost interest in the other, But still likes him to pay the bills and give him somewhere to live. (in most cases.) and it usually means the other person isn’t emotionally capable of ending the relationship and moving on to try and find someone that would treat him right. Someone who wouldn’t try to label cheating as a relationship.
Thor2015
two articles you should read.
https://biguychronicles.wordpress.com/2015/05/31/open-and-polyamorous-relationship/
and for those of you jumping about “don’t judge me or my relationship”, here ya go.
https://biguychronicles.wordpress.com/2015/07/23/dont-judge-me-bitch-get-your-life/
Thor2015
@DonW:
you do understand that those cultures set it up that way so that a mans blood line will be guaranteed in the future. the more wives the more children. and in all of those relationships there is still the primary wife and the rest or only there to serve the purpose of breeding offspring.
and for futre reference, if you want to state a source to use as facts, anything with “wikipedia” in it is not reliable.
Thor2015
@Aires the Ram:
exactly, go out and explore your sexuality before you settle down, so you make a better partner and lover for you spouse. the one thing flawed about your story is a couple never stops evolving and learning about the other person. you made it sound like after 3 1/2 years your relationship stopped growing. I mean 15 years in an open relationship, how can sex with a random or even a regular fwb be diffent than with your partner. after a while hookups just become redundant after 15 years what purpose does an open relationship serve?
Thor2015
@DonW:
Sexual dissatisfaction? that’s what sex therapist, porn, toys, and roll play are all for. The minute you have to bring in others to save your relationship because of just sex, then your relationship is already over. At that point you’re just watering a dead plant.
Thor2015
@barkomatic:
I don’t think anyone here as said that open relationships should be illegal, everyone here is simply stating a fact. if you want to fuck everyone in your neighborhood and your partner is cool with that great have at it. Just stay the fuck away from my partner, and me for that matter.
When you put your bedroom life in public, you open yourself to the opinions of others. So if you don’t want people in your relationship, then shut the hell up. simple as that.
GeekyOtterNCL
Like quite a few people here I’m in a long term relationship. 18 years. My bf likes younger guys, 18-21 year olds. I’m significantly older than that. We do however love each other wholeheartedly. I prefer older guys (he’s 16 years older than me so still ideal), but I prefer to be dominated and to bottom.
For the first 5-10 years it was fine. I had a man who I loved, and although the sex was bland – we still enjoyed each other. But I got older and he started to play away. I was fine with it, but didn’t like the secrets. He’s ex Catholic and also divorced because his ex wife played around. We finally managed to have the open relationship chat when he couldn’t deny it any longer.
I was clear, I know that I’m not his sexual type, but we love each other completely. I asked him not to bring anyone back to our home, not to lie about it anymore, and not to gloat.
So we’re technically in an open relationship, and do you know what? It’s none of the Conservative, Right Wing, Puritanical people who are on here’s business to decide what works for us. Nor do you have ANY right to claim that our love is worth any less than yours.
Thor2015
@GeekyOtterNCL:
No one is telling you you can’t have this type of relationship. Damn! we are simply stating our opinions as to why we feel this is bullshit.
Im am not conservative, damn sure not right winged, Im as far as puritanical as you can get.
you getting this mad tells me you are indeed insecure about your relationship type and that sir is YOUR problem.
Thor2015
@Brad Oleson:
maybe you just can’t contain yourself
I will look at both men and women if they are attractive they are attractive, but if one of them propositioned me, no way in hell i’d do it. Humans may be animals, but there is a reason why we also run the world, it’s called intelligence. Some animals eat their young too, but I bet you wouldn’t support a mother on trial who ate her own child would you? Didn’t think so.
Thor2015
Can I just point out a bit of hypocrisy im seeing.
you non-monogamist are mad at us because we call bullshit on your “relationship” and give our opinion, but then you turn around and say that our monogamist lifestyle isn’t natural, and nature is against us and basically every other bogus argument to justify you non-mongamist ways. isn’t that the same thing you accuse us of doing. Isn’t that “judgement”?
SirDeca
I’m since more then 14 years together with my Husband. From the first day/night we say “It can happen, no Problem. Just dort Lie and dont search directly!” and it works. Before these i had “Relationships” and i was allways on Hunt. Now, we have Rules, strictly Rules and it works fine. No Lie’s, no Pain. Maybe some people will say we r in a open Relationship, i say we dont are not we do just not lie each other.
After 5 years i get into S/M. But i cant punisch my husband, should i deny my nature? We say: it’s just Sex. I can fuck thousands, but i can only Love one Men.
JDMotion
My Bf and I arent open and that was a discussion we had early in our relationship. I don’t care what everyone else does but I know from experience that it’s not for me. I like knowing I belong to someone and someone belongs to me. I’ve dated someone who wanted an open relationship and it was like giving him a reason to leave me because he left with the first guy he was with and they became a couple. It’s fine because I knew then that that wasn’t what I wanted. I feel like a lot of the whisper comments share what I felt when I was single. Not a lot of people particularly where I live want a monogamous relationship. I was lucky to find someone I care a lot about who physically I am very attracted to. However I can appreciate that some people like to have multiple partners and I’m very much a to each their own kind of guy.
AnTonio L Larcusi
in my opinion, its just an excuse to have more sex..without being “tied down” to one person…i’d say just be freakin’ single already.
Darrin Jones
Not my idea of a solid relationship…a house built on sand over a sinkhole
Matthew Anthony Smith
Been single for two long to get this
Tim Michael Blake
If you need to feel “free” or “not tied down” then you do not need to be in nor do you want a relationship.
Seth Ruimveld
What people easily forget is that some people aren’t wired for monogamy. Society expects monogamy which makes those who aren’t wired that way try to be in a relationship and either wind up cheating or in an open relationship. The gay community tends to be more accepting of the non monogamous types whereas straight people aren’t. Open relationships arent for me, ive always been relationship oriented, but I dont condemn those who arent, those who literally cant.
Esteban Rangel Nuñez
Galeano Pájaro
Jeremy Adams
Sex and relationships don’t always go together. Doesn’t mean two people don’t love each other or are not committed to each other. A relationship is between the people that are in them. Some like an open arrangement, others don’t. Don’t judge each other either way. Obviously there are enough on each side of that fence to have whatever you want.
If something isn’t for you, don’t do it and move on.
16.5 very happy years here with my man because we found what we both like and believe in.
James Lanigan
This seems really judgey
Eloe Elwe
@Henry Collazo Canchola: How very very true!
TSizzle
Yeah yeah yeah, why even bother if you value sex over everything. Most people just find someone they connect with on all levels rather than having multiples. Admit it, Being monogamous makes you afraid you’re missing out on something. Stop trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear. You value sex over a relationship. Period.
Eloe Elwe
Yeah, I and my partner are monogamous. But from time to time, it could be nice for us to share someone, or another couple for a night. Just for something different…..
Sand Nierenberg
Unless your a pig you would care it’s not normal if you sleep with other people your not in a relationship call it what you want but your not relationship is one on one
Charles Mathis
Gay men are real good at pretending to be monogamous.
John Malin
Tis a slippery tub, these open relationships, just another name for friends with benefits.
Ali Reilly
The only opinions that matter are those of the people *IN* the relationship. And as long as they are honest with each other and any one else who is brought into it, no other opinions matter, just like any other relationship between consenting adults. Period.
Bill Ligon
Rub-a dub-dub, three men in a tub. Ooh-la-la.
Amaurys Arias
NO
Ani Alnadi
I think it’s very egotistical of any person to think that anybody else’s relationship has to make sense to them. It’s none of your business.
Monogamy is the norm, but as gay men, we should know that what is considered normal for the majority isn’t always what is right.
Gary McCoy
To each their own but I don’t really see the point of being in a relationship where you can just screw anyone you want, sounds more like friends with benefits.
Donna Balser
Rub-a-dub-dub….
Cahleo Hello
Who cares what others think as long as you’re both happy and honest with each other…
Ronald Harkin
Nice and fun with threeway
Alan David Smith
there is a assumption that every gay man who is in a open relationship. is out there fucking everybody for the exact same reason. my late partner and i had diffrent sex drives and for that matter abilities. gay men never talk about health issues unless its about being hiv. but for me i have siezures. the meds that regulate my brains electrial impulses also slow down my libido. of course thats not the full story. but i had a bottom b/f and could only contribute oral to him. so as far as sex. as long as he was being safe and honest i didn’t care. but if i was active. i had my own rules. i never kissed anyone while i was with him. that was in my mind something intimate. each person has thier own path. i didn’t love him more or less just diffrent.
RobinHood70
@AxelDC: My partner and I have been together for 24 years, polyamorous for 23 of them. We’re still together. We didn’t choose to get married because the current definition of marriage usually includes something along the lines of “forsaking all others” which, of course, we had no intention of doing.
We have a few other couple friends who are in similar situations. As you imply, though, sticking together while maintaining an open relationship (or whatever other variety of polyamory it might be) is not for everyone. You need to do it because you both want relationships with other people or even just sex with other people, but you both know that you still love each other and want to be together. If you do it because you’re getting bored of your current partner or because it’s kind of titillating to sleep around, then yeah, you’re probably going to break up.
Like any relationship, a polyamorous one requires a attention to make sure it works the way you want it to. If someone’s heart says it’s not for them, then they need to trust that, because there are definitely a lot of people for whom it will never work. But there are also those like me, my partner, and some of our friends for whom we have no interest in a monogamous relationship, and wouldn’t be able to make one work any more than a monogamous person can make a poly relationship work.
frankcar1965
@AxelDC: I agree especially if one party is not informed of the desire of the other BEFORE the marriage. If both are ok with it, then go for it, who am I to judge?
frankcar1965
@Dieter Michaels: That is the truth! Just like all the couples that say that they are monogamous but of course you find out that neither are! But they just go on with the farce.
frankcar1965
@plazaro1: Funny thing, I am 51 yrs old and do not know any couple who is monogamous. Even good friends who have been together since 1970 I think. Many SAY they’re monogamous but in reality they never are, it is all just pretense.
frankcar1965
@Charles Mathis: Thank you!