Straights say the darnedest things. In a recent Reddit thread, gays revealed the bizarre depths of hetero curiosity after one user asked, “What’s the most ridiculous thing someone’s ever asked you about the topic of being gay?”
Related: What was the ‘most typical gay teen thing’ you ever did? Redditors say…
Here are some choice questions, edited for clarity:
“How can you not like tits?! [Gets phone out, has multiple tabs of boob porn already open in browser.] You must get hard over these tits. You must. You MUST.”
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“What about that girl you used to date in high school?”
“Anal sex… that’s just a saying, isn’t it? You don’t actually go up the bum. It’s physically impossible.”
“Are gays allowed to vote?”
“Do you think it’d be better if all gay people lived together on an island? Or in one specific town? Then you wouldn’t upset any of the normal people. And you could all just f*ck each other.”
“You guys seem such fun. How do I become gay?“
“Is it true that the longer you’re gay, the smaller your balls get?“
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“Is it true that gay guys have secret signals?“
“Do you check on every guy’s butt and crotch?”
“Do you know [random gay person]?”
“What does d*ck taste like?“
“It wouldn’t be gay if you sucked me off, would it?”
“I’ve been asked if there are gay snails. (No, I am not kidding, and it was a serious question.)”
Wicked Dickie
“Do you think it’d be better if all gay people lived together on an island? Or in one specific town? Then you wouldn’t upset any of the normal people. And you could all just f*ck each other.” – I would rather put all racist people there.
Anal sex… that’s just a saying, isn’t it? You don’t actually go up the bum. It’s physically impossible.” – Stick your finger in your ear, wiggle it around. Which feels better, your finger or your ear?
“Do you check on every guy’s butt and crotch?” – No.
“What does d*ck taste like?“ – The back of your hand.
“It wouldn’t be gay if you sucked me off, would it?” – If you’re a woman, no. if you’re a man, yes.
lunatickgeo
I don’t know if there’s an island big enough for that! (sadly)
Jack Meoff
@lunatickgeo Yes there is it’s called Australia
James
THE ONE I USED TO HEAR ALL THE TIME……. WHERE IS YOUR WIFE.
GayEGO
And at various institutions e.g. hospitals, town halls, etc. – “Who are you?”, I am his husband!
baggins435
Not so much a question, as the assumption that being gay means you will have sex with any other gay guy, anytime, anywhere. Specifically, if you put any two (or more) random gays in a room, they would be naked and humping in seconds. They seriously thought this was true. I flipped it back at them and named a particular woman and asked if they would have sex with her and the reaction was instant shock and disgust that I would even think they would. I said “she’s a single woman, you’re a single man, so why not?” They started explaining their “type”, looks, attraction, etc., so I said it was the same for gay guys, too.
I have also been asked, in a crowded lunchroom at work, if I was into anal sex. The woman asking then proceeded to tell everyone how great it was.
Boston495
I hate the question “which one of you is the woman?”
Flyiboy
The question I get ask is.. Are U a top or bottom? My response, “Want to find out ? “ ?
winemaker
I’ve a simple answer for questions like this that are really none of anybody’s damned business. I say “if you’ll forgive my response, I’ll forgive the question”. This response was in Ann Landers’ advice column many years ago and is so appropriate for answering rude, ill mannered boors who ask nosy ‘none of your F****N business’ questions which as we all know are endless.. Also another one i like to give when asked questions like this: “Do you pay my bills? Obviously not but when you do I’ll answer the question”. The last response is a rather blunt response but is perfect answering rude nosy people who seem to think your business is their business.
michel_banen
I’ll keep those in mind. Excellent responses !
JJinAus
Our favourite is (we live in a country where alcohol is sold separately from supermarkets) when we go to the checkout…. “is this together?” as we plonk the bottles down. “Yes”, I say sweetly, “for about 20 years now.”
MajorTom
Years ago my then partner and I bought a house together. It happened to be next door to another gay couple, which isn’t unusual in the urban core of one of the U.S.’s largest cities. As we were getting to know our other neighbors, there was a woman who made note of the gay couple next door to us. She then said, “Do gay people have some sort of network where you let each other know about houses for sale?” We were like, “Um, no. It was just chance. Crazy, huh?”
Heywood Jablowme
I just had to look up the gay snails. Turns out snails are hermaphrodites! – who knew?
Bytemenow
Assumptions:
We have sex all day/night when we’re indoors. (If only my sex life were a tenth as exciting as they believe)
We want to have sex with every person of the same sex. (Hell no)
We can turn other people of the same sex. (Hmmm….yeah…NO)
We want to be women and wear dresses. (Nope and nope)
We’re all effeminate. (Not all)
We know all about fashion, have good taste, and know how to decorate. (Not all)
We all have a high pitched voice. (Not all)
We all hate sports, except figure skating. (I love watching football, baseball, and participate in softball and bowling)
We all do drugs. (Nope)
We all have money and live well. (Nope. I seem to meet a lot of hobosexuals)
We invented “brunch”. (Well?)
Plus a whole lot more…
Otowner
Well technically, most snails are hermaphrodites but still mate with one another to reproduce, so it’s actually surprisingly a valid question.