Haggard A-OK, Totally Not Gay, Says Rev. Reviewer

As you may recall from yesterday, Ted Haggard‘s announced he’ll be moving to Iowa or Missouri, rather than back to Colorado Springs: the quiet town he fled after admitting to inappropriate contact with hooker Mike Jones, including buying meth. But what of his sexual counseling? What’s the final verdict on Teddy Boy’s libidinal rebirth? Completely successful, of course!

The Denver Post reports:

The Rev. Ted Haggard emerged from three weeks of intensive counseling convinced he is “completely heterosexual” and told an oversight board that his sexual contact with men was limited to his accuser.

One of the men on that board, Reverend Tim Ralph, also told the Post that he and his colleagues recommended Haggard and wife Gayle move on to greener pastures, but insists he believes Haggard’s sexual claims:

[Haggard] is completely heterosexual. That is something he discovered. It was the acting- out situations where things took place. It wasn’t a constant thing. If we’re going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly. We’re into this thing over 90 days, and it hasn’t happened.

Sure, no one’s come forward to admit having sex with the Evangelical preacher man, but didn’t he say something to Mike Jones about wanting to have an orgy with six young men? No matter, we’re sure he’s totally learned his lesson: repression’s the best medicine.