Tommy Ahlers is Denmark’s Minister for Higher Education and Science in Denmark. He is also an entrepreneur and the former CEO of the tech company Podio.
Oh, and he’s bisexual.
Since splitting up with his wife split in 2012, Ahler has been dogged by gay rumors. Now, in an new interview with Euroman magazine, the 42-year-old says: “When people mention they’ve heard rumors [that I’m attracted to men], I explain to them that they are not rumors, because there is absolutely no fiction involved.”
He continues, “It’s true. But the truth is that I like men and women.”
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The father of two says he’s finally opening up about his sexuality publicly because he doesn’t want those rumors to continue overshadowing his work.
“People are interested in my privacy,” he explains. “And there is a risk of that impacting my political work and my ambitions.”
But, he stresses, it’s never really been a secret among his friends and family.
“My parents have known what my children have known, and my friends have known.”
Ahler goes on to say that after splitting up with his wife, he only dated men for several years. It wasn’t until recently that he began dating women again.
“For four years, I thought I was exclusively interested men,” he explains. “But then the opposite sex pulled me in again. I went on some dates with some different women and thought it was equally interesting and amazing. And a year ago, last summer, I met a woman who made me very happy.”
He and the woman are still together today.
“I feel I have to get this out and over once and for all,” Ahler says. “That’s transparency. I do not want people to think I’m trying to hide something.”
Related: Another major “star” just came out as bisexual and a total size queen
Donston
It doesn’t really seem as if he “likes” both men and women as much as his “fluidity” pushed him into another direction or he simply was unhappy with a “gay lifestyle” and realized he could only have romantic and emotional contentment with a female. His only long term relationships seem to have been with women. And that’s fine. But it would be nice if more bi/pan/fluid identifying people would be okay admitting that they can’t have contentment and a settled ego and a fulfilling relationship beyond one gender.
esslar
It’s not clear what point you are trying to make here, Donston. I like men but accept that some people like men and women. Fluidity is real because even though I like men, I have had physical desires to be with women. Not everyone has such feelings and that’s fine with me, too. Sometimes those feelings and desires don’t show up until later in a person’s life. I don’t want to be told that, because I like men and have had a wonderful relationship with a man, that I am not “allowed” to have desires for women as well. I don’t want to be told that I have to “stay” with one gender as you seem to be arguing here.
Donston
I’m not telling anyone that they have to stick with anything. I’m saying the exact opposite in fact. Me and my husband recently had our first threesome with a female. It was his first experience with a female and it was my first experience with a female in years. It was also our first threesome together. He still sees himself as gay. And I still see myself as a gay-pansexual. And neither of us have any interests in indulging another threesome any time soon. Everyone should do whatever they feel like doing. My problem was his claim to “like” men and women. Yet, he clearly has no real interests in building a substantial relationship with a male as he’s done with females.
This is why looking at orientation as more than merely identity and more than sexual attractions, arousals, desires, sexual enjoyment, sexual fulfillment is key. It seems like he got divorced, messed around with dudes for a few years and found it unfulfilling or frustrating. But now he’s “happy”, and that’s fine. If there’s not substantial romantic instincts, romantic fulfillment, emotional comfort and emotional contentment towards a type of person then having a non-dysfunctional relationship with that person is impossible, no matter how much the sexual part of your orientation leans towards them or how much you may “like” them. And that’s why I could never be legit happy and fulfilled with a woman despite having some attraction and feelings towards them and a couple of relationships with women. That’s the type of uncomfortable and nuanced discussion I wish people weren’t so scared to dig into when talking about their “complex” senses of self.
He is a politician and perhaps felt pressed to reveal this in an interview due to mounting rumors. So, who knows exactly how sincere he’s being. Some dudes can’t ever push past their internalized homophobia, obsession with hetero normalcy or obsession with “straight men” or teenage boys. All of which will often push dudes back to women. But if he is being sincere then mazel tov. Ultimately, too much of the “queer dialogue” isn’t specific and doesn’t delve into deeper struggles and nuances. Of course, no one has to put all their business out there. It would just be nice to not hear so much of the same nondescript, cliche prattle from famous, semi famous and high-profile people who wish to talk about their non hetero sex and romantic lives despite being in hetero relationships.
djmcgamester
You’re reading his mind, apparently. He likes men and women both. Why is that a problem?
Donston
I didn’t say it was a “problem”. To summarize that earlier post, “liking” someone or having some type of attraction or sexual passion towards someone doesn’t equate to being able to have a stable and satisfying relationship with someone. And it should be okay for people to admit that instead of playing these sexual politics games. That’s all I’m saying. The way he worded things makes it sound like he was pretty commited to being with a female again and doesn’t seem to have ever had a legit and substantial relationship with a dude. Once again, that’s okay.
Rock-N-RollHS
Glad you can speak for yourself. Do him the same curtesy.
lacrosse92
Wow you sound like a troll and a homophobic one as that. Probably trying to promote a gay-cure agenda in which, in timw, it seems it’s possible for a gay man to desire a woman. It’s or course impossible and all your talk of “fluidity” won’t erase homosexuality. Sad, strange little man, you have my pity.
Lacuevaman
Dumbston: you remind me of Sen. Frist when he diagnosed Terri Schiavo as not in a vegetative state from a video. There’s so much more to a story (especially these queerty rips) than meets an ignorant jaded eye.
Josh447
“For four years, I thought I was exclusively interested in men,”
No indication his dating women again had anything to do with dissatisfaction of the
“gay lifestyle”. He also may have had a deep satisfaction with gay men. There is nothing to say he could not have found a long term relationship with a gay guy.
Donston, you again, are projecting about things you only think you know everything about. Many bisexuals can have ltr with both sexes. Your basis is unfounded.
Lacuevaman
Dumbston: you remind me of Sen. Frist when he diagnosed Terri Schiavo as not in a vegetative state from a video. There’s so much more to a story (especially these queerty rips) than meets an ignorant jaded eye.
Bryguyf69
OMG, I’m not positive about this but I think we corresponded a few years ago on Quora. Really intelligent guy with broad interests.
https://youtu.be/bnp1vCAd8zg?t=14m19s
Rock-N-RollHS
There would be a lot more bisexual men if society not only accepted it but encouraged it. A true bisexual man has little to gain from exploring his homosexuality. He’s pilloried by both sides and labeled gay, which, unfortunately, has less social currency than being straight. I like this guy’s honesty, and it’s no accident that he’s from Denmark and not the States or some other less accepting culture.
jthomasmpls
Well said!
WomenDatingCouples.com
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zaxige89
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zaxige89
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lacrosse92
This guy is a good example why I only date proud gay guys. I mean I wish him all the best but no thanks. Sorry, life’s too short fo anything less.
Bryguyf69
Oh, and just how is he “less”? People like you, who’d label bisexual men as “less,” are no better than heterosexuals who thinks that gays are “less of a man.”
And I find it hilarious that you’d think that dating him would be settling, when in fact, I bet he’s a helluva more accomplished than you and probably wouldn’t give you a second look.
Indeed, I’m sure he’d agree with you that life is too short. Too short to limit oneself to the labels and constraints others place on you. Good for him.
lacrosse92
Yeah, not really lol, my dad owns a huge company, I was born more accomplished than that guy. So yeah, dating him would be settling at best but it would never happen. I mean no chance for him lmao!
ShowMeGuy
Handsome ? ? ? ? ?
lacrosse92
HAHHAHHAHAHHHAHAHA
Aires the Ram
@lacrosse92: So according to your post, you were “born more accomplished” because of what your Daddy had accomplished in his life? Sounds instead like you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth and that that somehow elevates your feelings of superiority over others. All because of Daddy’s money. Pity.
jthomasmpls
It’s too bad a bisexual man can’t just be a bisexual man. Not sure the B Is really welcomed in the LGBTQ.