How, exactly, does one celebrate National Bisexuality Day? Because that’s what today is (or rather, it’s “Celebrate Bisexuality Day”), I have just realized in a glaring oversight of my bi brothers and sisters. It’s the 19th annual celebration of Malcolm X, Marlene Dietrich, and Lord Byron types, and a chance for heterosexuals to insist there’s no such thing as bisexuality. So do whatever it is us queers are supposed to do on holidays that celebrate our queerness: get drunk and take somebody home. Or is that just the proper behavior for gay pride parades? Ugh, sometimes I have no idea how to be LGBT.
misanthrope
“and a chance for heterosexuals to insist there’s no such thing as bisexuality.”
Homosexuals too. In fact this comment section will fill up with posts denying bisexuality in 3,2………
Chris H
This will fill up with Jason blaming women and blacks for “the double standard against male bisexuality” in 3, 2……
SomethingElse
Was Malcolm X bisexual ?
Michael
I have nothing to wear.
Enron
For some, its more like “In Denial Day”.
Max the Communist
Just got done with a Celebrate Bi Day event at the Center On Halsted in Chicago. Thank you Noel, Michael, Karen, Adrienne, Elliot, Wendy and Ed for a great event. We brought a diverse group of bi speakers together to cover a wide range of issues–including two trans speakers.
Enron–Hah!–I laugh at your willful blindness. I have my bi, pansexual and queer peeps–and the gay/straight peeps who love us. No need to hang with the narrow-minded biphobes.
Happy B in the LGBT Day!
CONVERSATION CHAMBER
Not with Malcolm X’s picture, no you didn’t…
greenluv1322
I love the Malcolm X’s picture!Glad to see you guys are “on” your black history!
Fitz
Putting this squarely on my shoulders as “something for ME to look at”… I was realizing that I know a few youngish Bi people, but not a single older one. Which is weird. I have older gay friends, older straights, and one older asexual friend. (he just never felt very sexually motivated, didn’t like it- so he stopped, and focused on being a brilliant architect). So where are the old Bi people? (or where are they in MY life?).
jason
Male sexuality is far more important and honest than female sexuality. When men want sex, they mean it. When women want sex, they want something else.
Female sexuality is essentially money-driven and incubator-driven. Thus, women use their sexuality to obtain money or a baby.
Our ancestors knew this and thus introduced legislation which curtailed the rights of women. It was necessary to ensure that women didn’t go down the whoredom route, a propensity which is evident in our modern culture where women are increasing turning into whores in order to promote and enrich themselves.
DR
If Queerty *really* wants to celebrate bisexual day, it will block Jason’s IP address for the next 24 hours.
alejandro
honestly, i would never come out as bi. it would cause way too many problems. and i’ve already had a heated debate with my best friend (who’s gay) and he doesnt believe bisexuality is “real” at all.
j
Someone tells me jasons had his fair share of mommy issues…
richardporter
Being Bisexual in akin to being a half breed Indian: you’re hated on both sides!
Ruth
@Jason: You’re kidding right? You are spewing crap like that against women and their sexualities when people spew that same sort of shit at the gay community? Really? Please grow up and realize your hateful words you say towards women are to the same degree that some straight people use against gay men and lesbians.
Zaniell
@jason: LOOOOOL! I wonder r u strugging with denial of your bisexuality so hard that ur about to go off the deep end or you a transsexual going mad from envy or self-hatred? (no offense to non-misogynist transsexual folk, they’re the best of this world)
Zaniell
@Ruth: Jason is just strugging with desire to date his mom :[[[
Zaniell
I have to admit some prejudice against bisexuals of my own… since I prefer transsexual people only, not into cis-gendered, I found it hard to grasp the attraction to opposites such as cis men and women. I’ve recently decided not to go out with someone because of their bisexuality–it made me hella insecure about my body.
I think a lot of people are having problems with dating someone bisexual is because it makes them insecure and feel that they lack something that bi person might need and have to find it from someone else.
Xtian99
Wait- Malcome X was black????
DR
@Zaniell:
You mean like a gay person or straight person might break off a relationship because his or her needs aren’t being met? Welcome to the wonderful world of dating! I’l not do armchair psych I loathe it), but I will say this…
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this myth that bisexuality is a license for promiscuity is nonsense. Some folks bed jump. Some folks have open relationships or polyamorous relationships, other prefer monogamy. Orientation is irrelevant to that.
Zaniell
No, this is NOT a monogamy issue. And i didn’t say anything about “promiscuity”, though personally, to think of it–after u mentioned it– I feel yes it’s there (from all my experiences with bisexual guys they were cheaters or whorez sorry).
But I don’t want to be with someone who fancies something that is a total opposite of me. That dude in particular, i knew he just broke up with his gf…so i looked at her myspace–it was a feminine girl very feminine and smooth, etc, with chest and everything and cis-gendered (if he had transsexual gf i’d only find it hawt). And I said to myself–WHAT does this person want from a gym rat like me? Sorry I can’t offer anything to this one
Fitz
@jason: It’s absurd to say that women lie and men don’t. How many men have pretended to be interested in who they are talking to, when all they want is to get their willy wet? I think that your perspective is misogynistic. You know, there is (or can be) a difference between loving men and hating women.
skip
I never heard of this special bisexual occasion. Does that mean you can celebrate today AND tomorrow, or is it today OR tomorrow?
Zaniell
It’s today, then tomorrow but then u go back 2 yesterday
ADC
Take Malcolm X’s picture off this update.
DR
@Zaniell:
I can’t decide if you need therapy or just need to stop projecting your own misunderstandings about bisexuals onto every bisexual you meet or at least get out of your little “trans-only” bubble.
Zaniell
Therapy? U mean some therapy to sleep with some bisexual tw*t? Sorry it’s u who needs therapy and get over yourself and your
TRANSPHOBIA.
I said I don’t want to f*ck bisexuals… sorry.
I dk for them.
Just like someone not wanting to sleep with women doesn’t mean they hate them.
Bisexuals… LOL
I quote from my bi accquaintances:
“I want to date women romantically but guys I just want to f*ck them”
or
“I want to marry and have a kid with a woman but I’m sexually more attracted to men”
EWWWW, pple like that I tell them go kill urself
Zaniell
@Fitz: James is not someone who doesn’t sleep with women: he’s well-versed in attempts to sleep with them as evidenced from his post claiming to be an expert on their sexuality. He’s probbly ex-bi who got his ass burned by female ex and dedided to turn to men
jason
In order to progress, we need to be honest and discern. Each issue has to be judged on its merits.
My problem with women is that they use their sexuality as a marketing ploy. It’s not a case of “I am who I am” but more “I will use my body and sexual behavior to achieve financial goals”.
If you don’t believe me, you’re denying the obvious. Just look at how women wear much skimpier clothing than men. How many times have you seen a woman wear a mini skirt or cleavage-revealing top while her husband or boyfriend is fully covered in a three piece suit or shirt or long trousers? It’s a clothing double standard.
Also, look at the bisexual double standard. Why is it that women are allowed to market themselves as bisexual but men aren’t? You only have to look at the music industry to see this double standard at its most blatant.
Look at porn. In 99% of porn movies that contain both men and women, why is it that the women are allowed to interact sexually with both men and women but men only with women?
Wake up, guys. Women are being allowed to get away with privileges. Women also exploit double standards in order to obtain privileges. Don’t let them get away with it. Challenge female culture.
skip
@jason: For Christ’s sake, give it a rest!
Missanthrope
@Zaniell:
You’re rambling. Shut up.
FluffyInDrag
Also happens to be my birthay. Yay!
FluffyInDrag
@Fitz: I have a theory about this… and it makes a reasonable amount of sense. See, as a bisexual or any other non-Kinsey 0/6 sexuality there’s a lot of pressure to “just pick one.” Over time it becomes easier to just sorta let parts of yourself go for the sake of stability. But even moreso, it’s difficult to be actively “bisexual” while having a monogamous relationship. Since you’re only actively expressing one part of your sexuality the other parts get stuck on the back burner.
I am of the belief that both gender and orientation are set on a spectrum rather than being binary. I think that it is just as likely that, to cite Kinsey again, a person may be a 2 or 4 as they are to be a 0 or 6. In fact, I think it is much more likely that a person will have bisexual TENDENCIES, loosely defined as certain attractions outside of the “usual” gender for that person. That’s not to say that makes them bisexual, but the idea that a person is solely and exclusively attracted to one sex is on par with saying they will only ever be attracted to people with brown eyes. Assuming that the person cares about more than their interest’s genitalia, there’s no good reason for them to not find themselves attracted to something else.
Fitz
Fluffy, you might be right. I don’t know if it is just external pressure to pick a partner though. I mean, at the end of the day, (and yes, I speak as an older person), the actual “having sex” isn’t as important the other things that come with fairly stable relationships. That’s why a lot of couples who have stopped screwing altogether stay together… they aren’t there for sex, obviously.
Jason— it’s hard to know if you are a contrary child or just someone who is fully invested in maintaining your role as an unwelcome guest, or honestly haven’t thought these things through. Women are NOT free to be bisexual. They are free, if hot, to have bisexual sex. There is a difference, in that Hot girl-girl sex is consumerable to straight men. Having sex does not identify your sexuality. I don’t need to have my dick in someone to understand my sexual identity, for example. The clothes that women wear to advertise their sexuality is as much an expectation thrust (pun intended) upon them as anything else. Women are EXPECTED to be hot, look fertile, and flaunt their ho-hos. Women who DON’T fit the gender stereotype are vilified as ball busting bitches. Men also have public persona expectations… big muscles, expensive cars, large dicks, tall, etc. Men who don’t fit are called wimps and wusses.
It all comes down to the ridiculousness of trying to live up to someone else’s expectation of your sexuality. That’s enough for now, get off the computer and go call your mom and any other women in your life and apologize for having been a jerk.
jason
Fitz, honey,
You talk as if everything is thrust upon women as if, somehow, women are unwilling participants in the clothing and bisexual double standard. You are so wrong.
My view is that women choose to exploit and promote the double standards. You’re letting women off the hook, honey.
Moreover, I need to challenge your assumption. A straight man, by definition, is attracted to females, not female-female sex acts.
FluffyInDrag
@jason: Well, that’s what straight men like to think, anyway. See… sexuality isn’t just sex. The idea that women can “kiss a girl and like it” is pretty familiar in popular culture, but wanting to marry another woman, love and cherish her forever, raise children together? That’s a whole different story. One which is not logical thus cannot be defended or explained with logic.
And speaking as a biological woman, I understand all too well the pressures involved with appearances. For crying out loud, I was sent home by my boss one day because I refused to wear a bra under a perfectly sturdy, opaque work shirt due to a severe rash. My jubblies weren’t perky enough, apparently.
The pressure is VERY real and it’s NOT something I choose any more than I CHOOSE to identify as a sexual being that is neither understood nor tolerated by the vast majority of people.
The fact is that men, even gay men, like to believe that women want the cock. And women are raised with the sort of expectation that men want them to want the cock. The idea that there’s more to female sexuality than the desire to be penetrated, impregnated, and financially protected is highly offensive and threatening to our very patriarchal society and history. The idea that a woman could want to hold and touch another woman without wanting a strap-on, dildo, vibrator, or even fingers inserted is THREATENING to the male ego.
While I, once again as a biological woman, accept and appreciate that there are plenty of men around who accept and appreciate women of whatever sexualities, I think it is highly unfair for anyone who has not had firsthand experience to make any sort of judgment call on another’s thoughts, actions, or states of being. Just like the abortion issue, it’s something that women intrinsically can experience on a different level from men just as women can’t experience the variety of penile fears and issues that men deal with. It’s the difference between “I know how you feel” and “I understand how you feel.”
To put it shortly, you are not a woman so don’t you dare inform ANYONE about precisely what women want. You can never know or understand that.
DR
@Zaniell:
Telling bi people to go kill themselves? Are you bloody stupid? Follow misanthrope’s advice. Seriously.
@Fitz:
You hit the nail on the head. Women are absolutely free to “kiss a girl and like it”, as fluffy noted, but if they want to marry and raise a child together, that’s frowned upon. But that’s an inconvenient truth for people like Jason, who love to focus on drunk girls gone wild with equally drunken fratboys and use porn as a measuring stick for human sexuality.
People like Jason, clear misogynists, fail to grasp that fact. And when you point out, as you did, that men have similar unfair expectations, people like Jason can’t (or won’t) address that fact. It doesn’t factor into their world of male victimhood.
missanthrope
“The idea that there’s more to female sexuality than the desire to be penetrated, impregnated, and financially protected is highly offensive and threatening to our very patriarchal society and history. The idea that a woman could want to hold and touch another woman without wanting a strap-on, dildo, vibrator, or even fingers inserted is THREATENING to the male ego.”
If it’s performed for male viewing (ie. male gaze in feminist theory) and are technically in control then I don’t think straight guys or men in general don’t feel threatened. In that context it’s rendered “safe” since they still have the power over the sex act between two women, because it’s being done for the pleasure and fullfillment of straight guys.
Straight guys get threatened by women who love women when those seek out their own pleasure and own fullfillment beyond the bounds of invovling the striaght guy or his disires and to the exclusion of straight males. They simply can’t handle it.
That’s where Jason gets it wrong in his obsession with being a victim and trying to wash his hands of the stain of patriarchy in order to focous the spotlight back on him and his perceived slights.
It isn’t a cabal of sexy “fake bisexual” women tugging at the puppet strings of “powerless” men. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite, straight men are always in the drivers seat when it comes to producing advirtisements and television show with “tantlizing” girl-on-girl action, it’s made by them for thier viewing pleasure, the women involved are just the stage props in a theatre of (straight) male desire.
jason
Missanthrope,
You are correct about men controlling things. However, as I said before, women are not blameless. They are party to this controlling paradigm. If there’s a buck in it, they’ll allow themselves to be controlled.
Women are conditioned, from a very young age, to be pleasers in terms of their appearance. Their appearance must be pleasing. Both their mothers and fathers instill this notion into them. The concept of a “pretty” girl is fundamental to how women are brought up from a very young age. Contrast this with how boys are brought up.
The notion of a woman pleasing a man is ingrained within the different patriarchies. In conservative patriarchy, a woman must please a man through her obedience to him. In liberal patriarchy, a woman must please a man by wearing revealing clothing and claiming to be interested in other women for his benefit alone.
Thus you have female subservience to men under both conservative and liberal patriarchies.
DR
@jason:
Do you see the inherent contradiction in your posts, Jason?
You tell Fitz that women don’t have these standards thrust on them, but are complicit accomplices who “choose to exploit”.
Yet you agree that “women are conditioned” and that certain concepts are “fundamental” to how women are brought up, concluding that “you have female subservience to men” under all patriarchies.
Which is it, Jason?
Fitz
@DR: Please let’s not invite more. We already allowed a conversation about celebrating Bisexuals to be hijacked by someone’s victimhood agenda. We ought not let someone’s pity-pot tantrum divert from what (should have been) a simple happy moment.
jason
DR,
There is no contradiction in my position at all.
If you read my previous post, you will notice that I said mothers contribute to the conditioning of their daughters. Therefore, it is women who contribute to the conditioning of women. This reinforces my point about women (in this case, mothers) choosing to exploit and promote double standards, which eventually become a part of their daughter’s psyche.
When a woman reaches adulthood, she is a free agent, so to speak. If she chooses to exploit and promote double standards, she is indeed complicit by choice.
jason
In my previous post, for the sake of clarity, the last paragraph should read “When the daughter reaches adulthood….”.
skip
My experience with dating male “bisexuals” has been quite awful. It basically allows them to be lying cheating scumbags who are denying that they are gay. I can almost believe in female bisexuality, but really males are either gay or straight. Male bisexual = delusional asshole (literally).
DR
@jason:
Riiight, but Daddy wanting his daughter to be Daddy’s little girl has nothing to do with socialization at all. Fathers have significant impacts on their children as well. The idea that mom only influences daughters and dad only influences sons is laughable. Men can do just as much “damage” to a daughter’s sense of self-worth as mommy can.
“Free agent” when she reaches adulthood? Are you serious?!? What, if she doesn’t take a womyn’s studies course and become a “Jason-approved socialized female” she’s complicit? Clearly you don’t understand psychology, sociology, or anthropology and this is a waste of time.
Fitz is right. Dude, you need to let go of the victimhood and fear of the vagina.
Fitz
@skip: gee skippy, maybe you are just unlovable.
missanthrope
Skip
“My experience with dating male “bisexuals” has been quite awful. It basically allows them to be lying cheating scumbags who are denying that they are gay.”
Maybe you’re just a bad lay or easy to play around on. Or are you gonna try and tell me that no gay men have ever cheated on you? lol.
skip
@missanthrope: You can rest assured that anyone who cheated on me has been left in my dust.
missanthrope
You are correct about men controlling things. However, as I said before, women are not blameless. They are party to this controlling paradigm. If there’s a buck in it, they’ll allow themselves to be controlled.
TL;DR version: women are responsible for their own oppression because they can pull themselves by magical ~*bootstraps*~: thus Jason and his own huge sense of male entitlement has spoken.
This is so pitiful I’m not going to even argue with it, the sexism of your statements are transparently privileged and filled with your own sense of entitlement. You like to speak the lingo of feminism when it suits your needs to oppress women to fulfill your own sense of male entitlement, but you’re not a feminist, you’re quite the opposite in fact.
CONVERSATION CHAMBER
Folks, don’t argue with Jason. He’s a repetitive, neurotic and cowardly dingbat, who uses witless misogyny and racism (not to mention about a dozen sock puppets) in his posts to get attention.
jason
I don’t really care what you say about me.
As for the issues, I don’t resile one iota. I’ve been around, mixed with all sorts of people, and have a decent education. I’ve been told by others that I have an uncanny intuitive sense.
The relationship between men and women in the mainstream is one of sado-masochism. The man is the sadist (since he’s physically stronger), the woman is the masochist. The relationship between a sadist and masochist is based on mutual exploitation. The mashochist relies on the sadist’s ability to control the situation.
This is what is happening today between men and women. The women of today are no more empowered than the women of a hundred years ago.
DR
Now I remember why I suggested Queerty block Jason’s IP address to celebrate bisexual day.
Lord knows I don’t agree with Missanthrope on much, but got it in one. Jason, you’re a feminist when it suits you, and a chauvinist with serious issues regarding sexual expression when it suits you.
You say women have no power, but claim the only power they have is their sexuality and then blast them for it, suggesting they’re misusing the only power they have and that they need to be empowered to move beyond that into a world where they have no power, which implies that men are really to blame for women taking advantage of what they have…
To quote and earlier post from missanthrope to someone else… “You’re rambling. Shut up.”
jason
A woman’s sexuality does not empower women if she uses it to market herself to men. It might “empower” her personally but it does not empower the female gender. In fact, it creates a cultural imperative which compels women to align themselves with men’s fantasies.
I’m of the belief that sexuality is something you do in the privacy of your bedroom, and not walking down the street looking like a slut in some marketing paradigm.
Again, I go back to a simple comparison between men and women. Why is it that women are often dressed scantily next to their fully clothed boyfriends or husbands? If you think that’s equality, you’ve got rocks in your head.
DR
Jason, your single-minded observations about femininity and sexuality are just tired.
Can we go back to celebrating bisexuality now instead of listening to your misogynistic nonsense?
Davitta
Happy Bisexuality Day everyone!~ (I know I’m late, but I thought it’d be nice anyway.) <3
prohomo
JASON, not all of us are giving your comments a thumbs down. It seems trendy for many commenters here, but I certainly agree with some of your insights. Not many have their thinking caps on about what seems to be a clear double standard with men and women’s (bi)sexuality.
Women can often flaunt their sexuality for the straight male masses , but if a male would flaunt his homo or bi sexuality…..worldwide chaos!!!
prohomo
JASON, not all of us are giving your comments a thumbs down. It seems trendy for many commenters here, but I certainly agree with some of your insights. Not many have their thinking caps on about what seems to be a clear double standard with men and women’s (bi)sexuality.
Women can often flaunt their sexuality for the straight male masses , but if a male would flaunt his homo or bi sexuality…..worldwide chaos!!!
oh, and pointing these things out does not make one a misogynist, buttheads.
Chris H
@prohomo: No, pointing it out does not make you a misogynist.
Taking it one step further and making a crock-pot theory that women are furthering this exploitation in some large bid for sexual power reeks of paranoia.
This is what has gotten Jason thumbed down. No one disagrees that male bisexuality is less commonly seen and less celebrated in the media and in society than female bisexuality.
Jason’s comments reek of sex-negativity.
Please, Jason, tell me what is acceptable for a woman to wear? When a man wants to feel like a man, feel powerful, feel confident, feel sexual, he gets to wear a suit or pants, a dress shirt, a polo, a jacket or other things that “cover him up.”
What can a woman who wants to feel feminine wear? What is “appropriate” then?
Can a woman only wear a suit or some other pseudo “male outfit” in order to be proper?
This entire line of reasoning is ridiculous.
Our standards of dress, and what we dress in to feel sexy, were designed to highlight secondary sexual characteristics. Men’s clothes highlight broad shoulders, thick necks, wide chests, narrow waists, bulging crotches, flat stomachs. All secondary sexual characteristics of alpha male.
Women’s clothes highlight curvaceous bodies, full breasts, wide hips, large butts, slender arms, strong thighs. A.k.a secondary sexual characteristics of alpha female.
It’s ridiculous to buy into this train of thought. Women are damned if they do, and damned if they don’t, according to Jason’s arguments. Which is apparently exactly where he likes them: vilified.
Cici
I have a feeling Jason is a serial killer waiting to happen in real life.
QueenNaxen
Honestly, just about everything in our gender stereotypes can go both ways.
Example: Makeup is part of women’s hell, only women are priviledged to wear makeup; women have the priviledge of wearing skimpy clothes in public, women are forced to conform to that expectation or be vilified. Women are protected from perversion by wearing burkas (it’s for their own good!), women are forced to hide themselves and possibly feel ashamed because men can’t control their perversions.
Granted, I can see how men could feel oppressed by the fact that it’s still mostly not socially acceptable for them to wear skirts, makeup, bras (gods know why they’d want to). It’s sexist, it’s not fair that women can wear pants when men can’t do dresses. Hell, I suppose women have just wanted pants much more badly than men did skirts in the past century; it sure hasn’t been easy.
Bisexuality can be tricky, I guess, sometimes. I personally feel that all straight cisgendered people should be slightly bisexual, at least to the point of appreciating their own bodies, as an integral component of loving oneself. I can’t speak for other categories in this complex world, but really, as a woman who can appreciate a man, if I can’t look at myself in the mirror, a female body, and find it sexy, then what?