Happy Endings: Gaylebrity Fit Club

Elijah Wood thinks it’s funny that people think he’s gay. He even names the site Elijah Wood is Very Very Gay as funny ha, not funny ha ha. For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, we present exhibit A.

Bruce Vilanch

Chastity Bono and Bruce Vilanch are joining the latest installment of VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club, a.k.a. Watching Fat People Weigh Themselves on TV. The person seated below Bruce on Hollywood Squares is now breathing a sigh of relief.

•It seems the rumors are false. Lesbians aren’t as relationship savvy as we thought they were. Turns out they need pathetic self-help books just like the rest of us.

•Katrina is now affecting the transgendered community. Two tranny survivors were arrested for using the women’s shower at an evacuee shelter. I’m sure the bigger catastrophe was the clashing of their handcuffs and stilettos.

•There is a God. Both Kathy Griffin and Queer Eye guy Carson Kressley will be working the red carpet at this weekend’s Emmys. No word on what host Star Jones will be wearing, or how many babies she’ll devour beforehand.