Happy Endings: Kenny Chesney: Still Not Gay

• Last month Sheryl Swoopes and George Takei gave us two celebrity coming outs in one week. This month we get two denials in a week.

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• Some heartless anti-gay protesters are picketing a U.S. soldier’s funeral in Colorado. Not because he was gay, “only that he died for America — and that America supports homosexuals.” America supports homos? Someone warn Dubya!

• Our only reason to ever watch Lifetime: A Golden Girls marathon!

LOST SPOILER ALERT! So one of the girls was offed on this week’s episode of Lost. We’d be more than happy to weed out a snotty rich bitch from our lives (we know you have too many, too) and we’re thankful to J.J. Abrams for keeping hunks Mathew Fox, Josh Holloway, the hobbit and that hot Korean dude together on the scorching, sweaty island. Just think, if the rest of the ladies go, the men will have nowhere to turn for love but each other.

• Researchers have found brain differences in gay flies. Great. That should help us figure out which one of the insects buzzing around our trashcan are fags.

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