Happy Endings: Pills, Pills, Pills

• In the “no duh” category: Michelle Rodriguez is (alledgedly) a lesbian now. We loved her when she chose prison time over community service–we’re thrilled that she’s officially entering our little gay club. [Socialite Life]

Jake Gyllenhall infuriates US soldiers by insinuating they’re just sitting around in the desert whacking off all day. Um, no they’re not, they’re having sex with each other on the internet! [StarPulse]

• Victory for Anna Nicole Smith! The Supreme Court has ruled that she’s allowed to take her case back for a retrial in the Federal Appeals courts to get her 10 zillion dollars. And we presume that with the Supreme Court’s blessing, she’s gonna get the goods. In other news: expecting huge increases in sales, stock prices for the makers of Xanax go out the roof. [Dlisted]

Family Guy vs. American Dad. We love Stewey so much. [American Dad vs. Family Guy]

Rush Limbaugh was arrested for prescription drug fraud. We feel bad for the guy, prescription addictions are just as nasty as heroin. Although of course he blames it on a Democrat conspiracy. And that’s completely ridiculous, everyone knows the Democrats don’t do pills. They drink. [TMZ]

Ellen DeGeneres cleans up at the Daytime Emmys. Perhaps it would be a sweeter victory if there was anything other than Ellen to watch in the first place?…because no one is going to vote for The Tony Danza Show.[Jossip]