Happy Endings: The Day George Michael Admitted The Truth

• Just weeks before he’s to be sentenced for driving under the influence, British pop star George Michael has admitted he’s addicted to drugs, but once again took some time to praise pot:

[My arrest] involves prescribed drugs and it involves a dependency on them and the tendency to chase one drug with another because of side effects.

We could sit here with any number of policemen and doctors and they would all tell you if everybody who had a dependence on alcohol changed their mind and had a dependence on weed, the world would be a much easier place to live in.

We weep at your eloquence, dude…

• Warsaw mayor Hanna Gronkiewicz Walz took a stand against the homophobic government and said the town’s Gay Pride will go on! We wonder what President Lech KaczyÅ„ski will have to say. Probably something in Polish. And not pleasant.

Julie Enzer has something to say, “Gay Pride is not just poppers and blowjobs!” Only Enzer’s version’s a little longer. And persuasive.

Anne Heche‘s soon-to-be ex-husband alleges the actress “has at times exhibited bizarre and delusional behavior”. He obviously missed that whole alien abduction thing…

Pam Anderson pissed off some paparazzi in Cannes. Apparently they were upset her tits showed up late for the red carpet and bounced away before striking properly perky poses. Poor paparazzi…

• It’s just like the 400-pound gorilla in the room, only it’s a 400-pound gorilla on the loose! A witness remarked, “Everyone was in panic, running away, screaming, wailing, screaming kids running around, I don’t know what all, kids without parents–it was a total drama.” Kids without parents and a 400-pound gorilla? That’s not drama. That’s some shit….

• Need to learn how to give a hand job? Click here.