Happy Endings: The Day Jerry Lewis Apologized

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• Facing GLAAD’s wrath for his anti-gay slur during this weekend’s telethon, Jerry Lewis issued the following apology:

I obviously made a bad choice of words. Everyone who knows me understands that I hold no prejudices in this regard. The success of the (telethon) and all the good that will come from it shouldn’t be lost because of one unfortunate word. I accept responsibility for what I said. There are no excuses. I am sorry.

Well, when you put it that way…

Michael Rogers auctioning off Larry Craig’s scandalous history.

• 88-year old Loraine Barr comes out of the closet. Bitch is fierce!

• Laguna’s Boom Boom Room locks up.

• Coppers raid NYC’s Mr. Black. 32-arrested on drug charges.

Paris Hilton wants a baby by next year. Said baby will most likely be bastard, doomed.

• Small pipe bomb goes off in Chelsea, NYC. No injuries.

• Gay rights activist knocks John McCain on his ass.

Bertrand Delanoe, Paris’ gay mayor, wants another go.

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• As you can see, NYC’s still sinking in on itself, thus ruining fashion week kick-off parties, like Mao mag’s. Urban disasters are, like, so 2001!