Happy Endings: The Day We Got Answers!

• It’s been such an informative day around these parts. First of all, we solved part of that “Hear Boys Talk” mystery. You may recall we dialed the salacious 646 number and got some nonsensical, non sexual little ditty. One question remained, however: “Why??” Well, a reader wrote in and provided more of an explanation:

For what it’s worth, those “hear boys talk” cards are being spread to promote the Pegleg brand. They’re a band of bougie downtown boys who sell graphic tees with an “urban” sensibility. They’re also vaguely homophobic. You can see at [here] Don’t call me out and keep up the good work!

What? Those fuckers used our libido to promote their product? It’s like we’re reverse whores, or something.

While we’re happy to have more answers on this one, we’re left with an even bigger puzzle: did Stylelist know the whole time?? If so, we feel one of the following: a. annoyed, b. foolish or c. insanely proud of their clever commercial camaraderie.

• Speaking of multiple choice, yesterday we asked you if Johnny Knoxville‘s “Happy Birthday, Homo” shirt should offend our politically-minded souls or if we should let him give us a good tickle. Well, the answers are in, readers and we’ve just let out a big belly laugh. Good thing, too, because it was beginning to hurt.

Banksy continues to make bank. One of the rascally British guerilla artist’s paintings just nabbed £288,000. That’s like a million of our worthless American money.

Larry Birkhead and Baby Dannielynn are finally free to leave the Bahamas! But only if they return for yet another custody hearing in June. This kid’s going to be thirty by the time this shit’s resolved.

• A gay Karaoke bar is totally hiring. Qualifications: good looking, willing to do anything for money and an uncanny ability to hold your liquor. Fellatio skills not necessary, but preferred.

Mark Simpson sez, “The Teenager is dead. Long live The Teenager!” This essay will explain all those pressing questions, like why you’re such a fucking child.

• Noah, As The World Turn‘s gay teenager, has some questions about finding a boyfriend. So sweet.

How many married men stay in the closet? A lot.