Star-crossed love is one thing, but falling for someone who isn’t interested in romance with your entire gender is an impossible hurdle to jump. And it’s sadly all too often a scenario whenĀ gay guys fall for their straight best friends.
Things get confusing, and fast. The male bonding that the straight friend enjoys so much can easily turn into butterflies in the stomach for the gay friend, always wondering if the friendly affection might one day mean more.
Here are 15 anonymous Whispers on the topic. Have you ever fallen for a straight friend? We’d love to hear your stories.
jd2222248
We all have been here, there currently, or will be there! Then, we grow up! š
Billy Budd
Yes, I was very attracted to my hunky friend from high school, who used to have study night sessions with me (I was the best student in class). I saw him naked a few times and that was it. We also used to go suntanning together, and he wore the most provocative speedos you can imagine. He was gorgeous. But that happened a long long time ago and it is over.
jockjack5
OMG!
Here we go again with yet another straight-guy topic.
zzzz…
Enron
Yep, been there, in fact, this guy I was friends with about 11 years ago, even after we left high school we use to hang out. We stop being friends after a fight with him over software. He called me a faggot and I should stop acting like a woman.
I left his place in tears, but I still had feelings for him, but I was devastated after what he said. I stalked him on social networks for the next 10 years. I think it finally waned after I saw his Facebook post introducing his first born to the world in 2013. I think after that, I pretty much got the picture, he is straight, move on.
NoCagada
@Enron: Just because a man’s sperm has met an ovum and produced offspring, does NOT make him straight.
avesraggiana
@Enron: Thatās heartbreaking. But, like you, I eventually let go of my straight crush from yesteryear.
I still have them. The only difference is now they remain in fantasy land and I let go of them much more quickly.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
I actually had two silly hot Best Friendss in high school………………..
Twins, Roy and Paul. Both were incredibly hot and after seeing them in the showers from being on the wrestling team I knew they were both hung with massive tools. I jerked off alternating between them each day! :p
Paul began getting real touchy with me and although I knew I was Gay since day one I kinda sorta freaked out. We would massage each other with raging hardons but neither would make a move. He would ask me if I had pubes, to prove it, we would bring our tighty whiteys down to the beginning of our pubes to prove to each other. He and Roy had bunk beds and we would have regular sleep overs at each others houses. One particular night Roy was not there and I was in the top bunk. I could hear Paul down below and figured he was jerking off. I began doing the same and he asked me “what I was doing” I finally got the courage and was going to finally get with Paul. I said “why don’t you come up and see?” I took my underwear off laying there naked in my full 15yo rock hard status anticipating what I had fantasised for years was about to happen. Paul got out of bed I could see he was rock hard and began to climb the ladder of the bunk beds. I was actually shaking with anticipation. As Paul got to the top of the ladder, the door to the bedroom swung open and his damm little Sister barged in asking us if we wanted to hang out!!!!
For some reason we never got back to that point and were able to hookup, to this day I still jerk thinking about what could have been………..
Dev.C
This is a gayby issue, young gay men who have not experienced enough gay men outside of their home life put all their expectations of the perfect guy on a straight man.
AtticusBennett
@Dev.C: exactly.
this is one of those things that plagues those self-styled ‘GAYBRO’ dunces, because they’re simply too insecure to check their B.S. and realize that they need to stop viewing perceived-Straightness as the ideal.
you know what kind of gay men fall for their straight male friends? gay men who’ve yet to overcome their insecurities and resentments about being gay.
it’s literally as lame as the girls that always pine for gay boys – it’s a distraction from having to deal with reality and all that comes with REAL reciprocal relationships.
Dear gays, learn to embrace other gays. or expect many wasted years being alone.
Lovelife
I think in my case,it was the opposite.I think my straight guy friend started having feelings for me.He didn’t like my boyfriend at all.And would be outright antagonistic towards him.
I joke about it to him at times and he still flatly denies it.Lol.
When you are in-love with a person and love is unrequited. It can be painful.But when you are a man,you are always in pursuit of the forbidden fruit. Its the nature of who men are.And that’s all it is really.
The sex appeal of straight guys is the same appeal that married men have to women.The same appeal that young female virgins have to older men. It’s the unattainable fruit.The forbidden territory .The “undiscovered” jewel etc.
Because when you really think about it.Really delve into why you “like” your straight best friend. The sexiest things about him may very well be that he is “straight”.
Not like “other gay guys”, he is “different”, he is “special”, “there is no-one like him” i.e an untouched,”unspoiled” fruit.To put it bluntly….”an un-popped cherry” etc.
But say if he were to , in a drunken stupor, sleep with a random gay guy(that wasn’t you). And be the bottom!!! Would you still think him “wonderful” and “perfect”?
Men are not always looking for love. Sometimes we just want conquests.
Xzamilio
@Lovelife: It sounds like your straight friend could have simply been jealous of the relationship and didn’t want to lose you as a friend. That happens with a lot of friends; they think the significant other of their friend is pushing them away. IT doesn’t sound like he liked you in that way… based on those two sentences of your life that I know nothing about lol
jwtraveler
What’s with Queerty’s recent fixation on straight men? Straight men doing gay stuff, which guy do straight men think is hotter, celebridaddies that straight men think are hot, straight men in gay porn, etc., etc. Ehough already! I’m gay. I’m interested in gay men.
martinbakman
Sure you lusted after a straight guy, but did he have two penises and let you suck it like the straight guy in the other Queerty piece?
Arcamenel
All my straight friends are straight girls so definitely no attraction. The only straight male friends I ever had were not my type at all. Honestly whenever I find out a gay is straight any initial attraction I had dissipates. It’s hard enough trying to find gay guys to be interested in me, my heart won’t let me add more hurdles.
Mack
Not all “straight” guys are straight. If one of my straight friends wanted to “experiment” with me I would have said “lets go”. They could have been gay but afraid to say it.
DarkZephyr
@PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS: I had a similar experience, but it was with my brother’s hot bi curious best friend. Dude had been secretly hitting on me for months and dropping hints and making the most incredibly dirty sexual comments to me and I was playing stupid and it was a delicious dance. Finally one night he was bold enough to just come out with it and I agreed to what he wanted and we went to my bedroom. I sat on the edge of my bed and watched him staring at me as he reached for his zipper. We were both breathing hard and exactly like you, I was shaking with anticipation and my heart was thudding in my chest. Just as he unzipped his pants and whipped out his beautiful dick my brother barged in and started chatting with us. His friend quickly doubled over to hide his exposed, rock hard erection and began to pretend he was searching for coins on my bed room floor and somehow managed to discreetly put his dick back in his pants. My brother stood there for a goddamned hour blathering on and on before he finally turned around and left, but by this point his friend was too chicken shit to do anything direct himself and he went to bed. IN my room (in my guest bed) and not my brother’s. A part of me is pretty sure he was secretly hoping I would go over there and make a move but I didn’t know for sure and I certainly wasn’t going to sexually accost him without his express consent. Like you I thought about what might have been for years afterwards. I only ever saw him once more after that and it was in a setting that made it 100% inappropriate for anything to happen. For some reason he and my brother had a falling out and he never came around anymore. Dammit. lol
skcord
@Arcamenel: I feel the same way, as soon as straightness is divulged all interest dissipates on my end… moving on…
imperator
@AtticusBennett: That’s an appealing bit of dogma but I still think it’s bunk; I’m not riddled with “insecurities and resentments” about being gay but I’ve had a thing for straight guys before– not because they were straight but because they were guys. If you’re attracted to men you’re inevitably bound to be attracted to some before you know which ‘team’ they play for, and just because you find out it isn’t yours won’t necessarily dissolve affection already formed.
You fall for who you fall for- orientation is about the object of your sexual interest but sexual interest regardless of orientation has never been perfectly attuned to the subjective feelings of one’s love object. Hence the *massive* inventory of literature and song about unrequited love.
For my own part, my best friend was introduced to me as straight (by my singular bf at the time- we’re poly nowadays with another bf in our relationship). He was a good looking guy, and funny, and decent, with compatible interests, and once we started hanging out I developed and attraction- bf did too- became flirtatious because I enjoy flirtation. He was fine with it. And in time he told us that while he’d only ever been in relationships with women, he’d had opportunistic sex with guy friends before. Then one night while he was down in the dumps over breaking up with a cheating l/t girlfriend and hanging around our place, we had a bit of opportunistic sex. Just the one time, he eventually got together with another girl, and then after she cheated he met the one he’s married to now. Our friendship’s still flirty at hell. But I met him as a ‘straight’ guy and it didn’t help or hinder developing feelings for him, my attraction and affection can grow like weeds. It can just happen without being some big political or social statement.
enlightenone
Waiting for the “Im straight and in love with my gay best friend and fear being rejected by him. I don’t feel for my girl like I do him. What do I do, please help!”
polarisfashion
I had several guy crushes when I was a kid but I didn’t dare act any of them out because I was very badly bullied in school for being gay. To this day (I’m 37) I am very angry and resentful for not having a normal childhood with lots of friends. I would have given anything for a mentor.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
@DarkZephyr:
Ohh the unfilled fantasy anguish!!!
At least I for years was able to wish a horrific fate upon Paul’s Sister. Being your boner ruiner was your Brother, you not so much :p
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
#4 down, I am oh so very confused!!
Is that the “feminine” guy? or the object of his desires?? Either way waaaay hawt!!
AtticusBennett
@imperator: I’m a gay man. Who loved being gay. Hence my attraction to other gay men. I may objectively see how a hetero dude is sexy (heLLOOOOO IDRIS ELBA!) but i don’t harbour crushes on straight guys. why? because i’m a gay man. i’m into other gay men. #duh
erikwm
Doesn’t there have to be some reciprocation to be in love? I’ve lusted after straight guys, but love? No. Love is a really high bar.
sportyguy1983
These dimwits are confusing lust with love.
Clark35
@martinbakman: Actually that guy is bisexual, he’s not hetero/straight.
I think it’s silly when adult bi and gay men lust after hetero men, or a hetero best friend.
The rest of us got over this in jr. highschool.
Aranos
@AtticusBennett:
Gay men are attracted by men. Not just gay men, but all men. Full stop.
And it is logical from an evolutionary standpoint: just have a look at all the mammals displaying homo- and bisexuality: When a gay animal joins a straight/bisexual couple ,it usually helps them and their offspring, which is then much more likely to survive than the offspring of a couple without a gay friend. So saying you’re not supposed to fall in love with a str8 guy is complete bullshit.
Aranos
In fact, falling in love with straight guys is probably one of the main reasons why you do exist as a homosexual. It’s likely to be your main purpose.
You never wondered why it happens so often?
vigp177
@Clark35: Then you’ve never really been BEST FRIENDS with a straight guy! As in you love all the same things, finish each other sentences, talk to each other about everything, cuddle on the couch while watch a movie etc.. When you have a guy friend like that you can’t help but fall in love at least a little! This I know from my own ongoing situation with my hetero friend Sebastian, but I’ll take the heartache over losing my best friend any day of the week!
demented
I don’t think it’s impossible. I’ve heard of it happening sometimes, though the whole antiquated super-masculine thing sometimes gets in the way.
demented
Sum up, I believe anyone in the world can theoretically fall in love with anyone else, no matter their sexuality. So I don’t think it’s impossible, just societally disapproved of (everyone stay in your little sexuality boxes! don’t you dare fancy anyone outside them!) and more difficult.
Chris
In light of how we are raised on the fantasy that our lovers should also be our best friends, I am not surprised when a gay man’s best friend also becomes the object of his desire. What each of us does with those feelings and/or attractions, if they ever develop, is what makes this all so interesting.
AtticusBennett
being “IN LOVE” means RECIPROCITY.
you boys are only proving me right, you’ve been “in love” (in your own minds) with straight guys. that’s one sided. that’s an infatuation. an obsession.
but hey – keep pining for the boys who will never want you, fellas.
AtticusBennett
@vigp177: that’s stupid. i have insanely close best-friendships with males. and there’s no heartache. because i’m gay. and they’re straight. and i fall in love with gay guys. and date gay guys.
NoCagada
Jeez, I never think to have sex with any of my friends, gay or straight, and my very best friend is a straight male.
Lovelife
@Xzamilio: Thing is,my boyfriend is insanely hotter.Lol.Sorry!!!
But I think he could be open to doing it.He does also joke that I should leave my boyfriend and get with him when we hang out sometimes. I’m not tempted though.It grosses me out a little š And I dismiss him.
I am mostly attracted to and crush on gay guys.How do I know this? Because the attraction increases once I see certain subtle effeminate tendencies.
He doesn’t have those. He has many “butch” mannerisms that gay guys go gaga for.And he is no troll. But I tend to find him and other straights just too “stiff” and bland.If you know what I mean.Is that weird?
Anyway I just wanted to chip in my 2 cents worth.I see a lot of gay guys falling for straights.I totally understand the attraction.Different strokes.
If only there was a visible and irrefutable way for one to “wear” their sexuality externally? Like we do the colour of our skin or something.A lot of my friends would be saved a lot of grief.Really!!
avesraggiana
@Lovelife: Wow, people really ARE different and thatās a wonderful thing, Iām starting to realise.
Those ābutchā mannerisms that you write about that leave you indifferent to a manās charms, are the very things that make ME go weak in the knees. Every guy Iāve seriously dated has had that guy-guy thing going, not an overt feminine or effeminate bone in their body. Thatās why I found them so appealing, and in turn, all of them found my somewhat ānellyā side quite attractive. No explaining THAT.
And of course, straight guys have that guy-guy, masculine, butch thing in spades. And itās not an act. And it still drives me wild…and itās still why I crush on straight guys on occasion. Thank God that these days I get over it pretty quickly.
onthemark
It’s nice that Queerty has so many teenage boys reading it. And apparently, so many teenage boys editing and writing it?
Wooly
This is so High School
enlightenone
@avesraggiana: “…Because the attraction increases once I see certain subtle effeminate tendencies.” @LOVELIFE
Opposites attract and sticks! Opposite sexual energies and gender expressions that it. That’s what is visible/external NOT sexual orientation itself that has its origins from our biology like skin pigmentation!
Make sense you two???
avesraggiana
@Wooly: Isnāt it though?! I love it!!!
scotshot
This would have been a better article if it had unicorns and bunnies and hearts illustrating it.
Lovelife
@enlightenone: Hmmm. Yes. That could be it.
Once I see certain “soft” qualities in a guy, the attraction increases.Some people call them “effeminate” tendencies or whatever.I don’t know.I don’t find them repulsive,but very inviting.
My friends laugh at my choices of boyfriends.I like what I like.
vigp177
@AtticusBennett: Please don’t call my(or anyones) personal feelings stupid,just because they’re not yours doesn’t invalidate them….that’s just rude! While I’m glad that you have very close friendships with straight guys and that you’ve never felt the heatache of acquainted love from fallening for one of them, that is your experience… with your friends! You can’t tell the heart what it wants, even if what it wants is a little absurd and unrealistic. Furthermore being a gay man means being mentally, emotionally,and physically attracted to ones own sex…There’s no rule that says your sexualities have to line up, that just makes it easier in life!
enlightenone
@Lovelife: “My friends laugh at my choices of boyfriends.I like what I like.”
I hope you have a friend or two with social intelligence who know your awareness, needs, and desires in an intimate relationship is congruent, consistent, and healthy – the best for optimal, enduring relationship satisfaction! Given the fact that you embrace a person that’s not considered male gender-normative expressive shows that you are not a false-masculine man, but rather a man for his male lover!
I don’t share my profession on this blog, but trust that I know what I speak!
enlightenone
@AtticusBennett: “@AtticusBennett: Please donāt call my(or anyones) personal feelings stupid,just because theyāre not yours doesnāt invalidate themā¦.thatās just rude! While Iām glad that you have very close friendships with straight guys and that youāve never felt the heatache of acquainted love from fallening for one of them, that is your experienceā¦ with your friends! You canāt tell the heart what it wants, even if what it wants is a little absurd and unrealistic. Furthermore being a gay man means being mentally, emotionally,and physically attracted to ones own sexā¦Thereās no rule that says your sexualities have to line up, that just makes it easier in life!”
I think you may want to reflect on this comment.
imperator
@erikwm: Reciprocity as a requisite for love? Have you heard of unrequited love? It’s only the theme of- like- half the literature and music ever produced in human history š
vigp177
@enlightenone: Thank you for liking my comment:-) I hope you and anyone else reading it will please excuse my couple of spelling/grammatical errors, as there’s unfortunately no edit option.
enlightenone
@vigp177: “I hope you and anyone else reading it will please excuse my couple of spelling/grammatical errors, as thereās unfortunately no edit option.”
Queerty needs to upgrade its blogging platform to allow for editing!
ParisHiltonsBadEye
@AtticusBennett: You got that right. Straight guys are overrated and straight as in not attracted to men. Maybe if you were a cross-dresser that might work, but you still need a vagina.
ElwenBogar
Ahaha. I’m straight (well, sorta…), and I’m in love with my gay best friend. We’ve both had terrible experiences with relationships, and we’re good friends, so I don’t really want to ask him out (Also, he has trouble turning people down, and I don’t want him to feel that pressure). We flirt a bit, and I quite like that… *sigh* Oh well. Maybe when he returns from the military.
ElwenBogar
@ElwenBogar: As in finish his 6 years of active service. Though that is quite a long time to wait…
phishy2
Never really been in love with a str8 guy. But I am attracted to str8 guys and have given more than several str8 guys their first guy bj. All were quite satisfied. And many str guys love having their azz played with. Go slow, promise no tell and have fun. And sometimes you end up with a str8 fck buddy!
Chookey43
You guys should know that all hen are bastards. If you want to ruin a good friendship then hit on him. You will soon find that the only time he wants to hang out with you us when his girlfriend is away and he wants a blowjob.
mujerado
The worst thing about this thread is to see how many there are of you so ready to judge other gay men’s feelings and actions by your own, and to use that to call them silly or childish or naive or whatever else makes you feel all grown-up and mature. I should be used to it, having grown up in the gay world for 40+ years, but I still find it discouraging. We’ve all grown up as the different ones in this society, and yet we have so little empathy for one another.
Fvk847
it’s great to have these moments in life; I fell in love with my straight friend from high school but I didn’t realize it til the beginning of college. I tried to tell him I’m gay and he just responded that he would still love me like a brother. I’m pretty sure that’s the last time we spoke about 10 years ago. They funny thing is I’d show people him and they were like ‘really’? It’s just every time I was around him, I knew I was standing next to greatness that apparently only I saw.
Raphael Marquez
Hot
Kelley Wilson
Yes
Kristopher Saim
More than once. š
Derek Angelo
Um.. duh,
Hector Pagan
Yea nd it sucks š
Ororo Munroe
the comments in the post have me screaming
Glendon Robert Frank
Yes, in college… and ultimately it was devastating. Still hurts.
Manny Yoko
Successfully YESĆ¢?Ā¼ĆÆĀøĀĆ°???
Msb Stevens
It’s more common that one thinks but at the same time, it’s human nature. With me, If I cannot detect that a guy maybe gay and interested or gay period, I redirect my feelings because it can be a horror. Falling in love with a straight guy or a straight who find the gay lifestyle repulsive, you are setting yourself up for hurt.
George McSwain Jr
Yep, in the military. He was straight. So never went there, rather have a friend for life. Many years later. Still a solid buddy I can count on.
David Harlem
No, if I know he’s straight then he becomes a sibling not a love interest.
Joe Payer
This post is making gay men weep across the nation with those old memories being stirred
William Thomas Bramlett II
So sad but yes
Stefan Gahler
Oh yeah and it ruined our friendship!!! Ć°???
Was all my fault!
John Andrew K. Carver
Absolutely! But he didn’t know.
Jesse Erickson
My best friend constantly play flirts and gropes me in public. The funny thing is, it makes it look like he’s the gay one instead :3
Joseph Huffman
Been there done that … No more
Dennis C. McGrath
Yes. And it Sucked (not in the nicest possible way either )
Grreg Morse
Yes and he knows it. Such is life.
Martin RJ
Ya and it was very painful…
Robert Dan
I know this feeling. It passes.
Kevin Hurst
Yeah.. And it sucks š
Tim Grogan
Yes and mine is straight
Kenny Jones
Fuggedaboutit! Don’t ruin the friendship… and it WILL ruin the friendship. Also, don’t have SEX with your str8 friend because he’s really, Really, REALLY “curious.” 99.99999999999999999999% of the time, HE is just going to “Wig out!” about doing it, you will get (hopelessly) attached, and it will ruin the friendship. :'(
James Tan
I have, I still wish for him
Billy Martinez
i love how all of these guys looked like they stepped out of an old a&F catalog when the reality is most of them are probably normal looking. *lol*
John R Mayhew
In my early twenties I was majorly in love with my best friend, but I was still in the closet, After a couple years, I finally came out to him. His first question to me was “are you attracted me?”… I totally lied and said NO. Things were okay for several years after… he got married… I got married, but we eventually drifted apart. I still miss him to this day.
RobertFrank Straitsworld Strait
OH Please, most all gay guys try to get their straight guy friends in bed. If a straight guy does end up having sex with his gay guy friend, guess what ? HE’s NOT STRAIGHT ! He’s BI. A real man, 100% man, would never ever have gay sex if he is straight. Gay man like to think they can have a straight man. No Prize there, because he’s not straight. I hate hearing about this so-called straight on gay sex, but he reminds everyone he’s straight. NOPE.
Arthur Saavedra
Yes I have
Phillip Cheung
So the word “straight” has a different meaning these days?. Boy better catch up on my dictionary reading
Eli Gukich
Oh yes! Definitely!!!
Junior Rosas
The “he won’t talk to me unless he wants to hook up” one is fucking me up š So sad.
Azimlat Nascolt
Yes I’m on love with my sexy straight trainer, but he’s married
Sasha Michaels
Who hasnt?!? Lol
Rick Rosio
ah one of the best romances I ever had was with my straight friend… no sex… just intense friendship and sharing quality time…. He is married now… and I am glad he is happy and loved… but he will always have a special place in my heart…
Kim Knopp
Yep, Had a crusch on two friends;; one in college.;(very secret crush, never told him), they other I told, and he never spoke, and I lost his friendship forever
Dewayne Loftis
You need to remove this and pray for forgiveness
Nelson KaiowĆ”
I donĆĀ“t think I ever had straight best friends. At least I had sex with every male friend I had.
Michael A. Davis
Love is a strong word…;) #lust
Greg E
“A real man, 100% man, would never ever have gay sex if he is straight”
So RobertFrank Straitsworld Strait, Only straight men are “real men”? (checks calendar) oh yes, here it is still 2015…do you really believe that? Give me a break, that is so lame and prejudiced…
I had this experience when I was in high school and college, had straight friends who wanted to experiment as well. My policy was (and still is) I’d rather have a friend for life than a few minutes of sexual pleasure, and that has held true and useful.
I learned that I can lust after a straight guy, be infatuated with a straight guy, and love a dear friend who is straight, but like others have said to be “in love” involves a two way thing – “unrequited love” is NOT being in love. For me – if I truly love a friend, then I accept and understand everything that makes him who he is – including his sexuality. Yeah, it’s a bummer if I have a crush on him, but if I truly do love him, how he is, and how he isn’t, then indulging in `silly thoughts of ‘unrequited love’ (sigh sigh drama sigh) is actually a disservice to my alleged love and friendship.
Tattyfatty
Whats worse is when you fall for your straight friend tell him and he tells you he is not gay. then you find out he has been with other guys. (this has happened three separate times) Rejection sucks.