He Diddled School Boys and Had a 10-Year Relationship With Another Man. And Now He’s … Straight?

Reading this first-person account from Patrick Muirhead — the British pilot who claims to have gone from “a most unimaginatively clichéd pattern of pubescent fumbling” as a gay teen to a sexually active gay adult who supposedly rebuffed the advances of activist Peter Tatchell, to being involved in a 10-year relationship with another man to … a straight guy who fancies the ladyfolk — has us thinking things like “self-hatred,” but also, “hey, whatever works for you, bud!”

Muirhead has all the markings of an ex-gay:

I wince when gays describe boyfriends as “husbands”, subverting a solemn institution created to provide stability for child-rearing. Besides, it seems highly perverse that gays should fight for freedom from the bonds of heterosexual morality and then set to copying their oppressors by creating similar contracts of their own.

I was never convinced of my sexuality. True, I never liked football or fighting and I do make a beautifully light Victoria sponge when the need arises. But I shamble like a bloke, I burp and fart without shame and I’ve never really got Barbra Streisand. There was a little voice, lost long ago in the drowning din of my homosexuality, that still called quietly; the smothered, smaller voice of a boy who liked girls.

And one of those life-changing moments:

And then, two summers ago, I met Olga. She was a knockout-looking Ukrainian, washed ashore as a waitress in a breakfast bar in Ocean City, Maryland, on the East Coast of America. I was working locally as a pilot. A group of aviators slouched in each morning for coffee, eggs and grits. She took a particular interest in my chopper.

We began an e-mail exchange and she would send me numerous pictures of the industrial city of Cherkassy, her hometown, where people who swim in its river find that they glow at night. I liked Olga. She was pretty. Nothing happened, though — I wanted more than a passport-hunter and children whose presence would send Geiger counters into a frenzy.

Pilots have a habit of attracting female attention, as the numerous airline captain/stewardess couplings attest. The phenomenon even has a name: pilotitis. So, when I became a helicopter instructor, I was ready for dilated pupils and blushes when I took female students skywards. OK, I must admit, I am still waiting . . .

And now he dreams of having a wife and kids.

We can hear your eyes rolling from here, dear readers. And that Muirhead’s story appears in Rupert Murdoch’s London Times will be enough to convince some of you this is all a sham, and that Muirhead is denying his own sexuality.

But if Muirhead — and those like him — live out their days in a, ahem, “lifestyle” that makes them happy, we’re not gonna judge. We find it a bit bizarre, sure, but if lying down next to your wife each night brings you peace and joy, well, that’s all we can ask for in our own lives. But just in case, here’s a lovely Soulforce video titled “Reflections from Survivors of Ex-Gay Ministries & Reparative Therapy.” It is long, and it is excellent.

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  • TheAwfulTruth

    This is what Davey Wavey will look like when he grows up.

  • WtF!

    He burps and farts without shame? Is that only a straight-trait? What an absolute moron.

  • Mike L

    Yeah I’m sure from that that he’s never been with a woman, and yes self loathing is a factor. But truely whatever makes him think he’s happy. Just so long as he stops calling himself and ex-gay and starts calling himself a straight man whom we’ll just asume is in the closet (again).

  • romeo

    Cousin married one of these Ukrainian babes. Now divorced. She was aggressively seeking a green card. LOL

    He’s either bi or delusional. But she’s definitely after the British equivalent of a green card. And she probably has a boyfriend back in the Ukraine waiting for her to work the scam. The guy’s an idiot, and no loss to us.

  • dontblamemeivotedforhillary

    Ex-gay Ministries are the New Gay Cruising Park! Christian women have always taken their eyes away from philandering husbands. Maybe, he’s a cross-dresser and she wears a strap-on dildo. We are talking Xtians here. Freaks!

  • HeyBudBoston

    So then there is no such thing as being “bi”?

  • Cam

    He gives away the self hate when he cops to Hating the fact that gay guys use the term “Husband”. It isn’t about being straight with him, it’s about conforming to a lifestyle that he always, deep in his psyche thought was superior. Fine, go back int he clset dude, one less screwed up douchebag out there for real men to have to put up with.

  • jbran

    @Cam: Agreed. I have no problem with him changing his mind or following his heart/loins in a new direction, but the burping/farting business, along with his problem with same-sex marriage sounds an awful lot like someone trying really hard to be a member of a club. But, I wish him well.

  • romeo

    Hey, BudBoston, most of us here concede that there are bi’s. Are you one of those bi’s that come in here to show how much you hate the gays cause we’re inferior to your total oneness to the cosmos. We get a lot of that here. Real tiresome.

  • Mike in Asheville, nee "in Brooklyn"

    As the Brits would say, “What a twat!”

    Just because he has had relationships with men that were unfulfilling as a couple devoted to eachother such that they were husband and husband, does not mean that he has any insight into what two husbands make of their relationship.

    So, now he goes pumping pussy, fine. But don’t judge my 24 years of relationship as subverting anything, what a fucking asshole.

    NOTE to Olga: If you care about a loving relationship (ie., you are not looking for immigration documentation), invite hot gay guys to join you for a friendly dinner, and watch carefully where Patrick’s eyes wander. If he only has eyes for you, great; if not, well there’s divorce headed your way.

  • romeo

    Doesn’t sound like he’s actually DONE anything yet. LOL

    Wonder what the break-up was like with the ex-boyfriend? Maybe this is a way to piss off the ex. Who knows? In any case, what kind of fool locks himself into something (vaginas) in such a public way at this tenuous stage? Like Tatchell isn’t going to be keeping his eye on him. LMAO !

    Going along to get along is hardly exceptional behavior.

    Oh yeah, and FUCK Rupert Murdoch.

  • dizzy spins

    this guy sounds 10 different kinds of messed up. BUT, i think the headline is really misleading–it makes it sound like he’s a child molester, rather than someone who fumbled with fellow boys when he was a teen himself.

  • jason

    It looks as if he got the fatherly instinct. This often happens to all men regardless of their sexual orientation. They want to be fathers and bring up their own flesh and blood.

  • Sam

    Anyone who “shambles” is queerer than a three dollar bill.

  • Lukas P.

    Will he be our next You Tube “find me a date”star?

    Note that he never really says anything about wanting to have actual SEX with a woman though, does he? He seems to long for the lovely IDEA of marriage to a woman but showed — at least in the text provided — no actual lust for the fish taquito or boobsicles. [sorry to use such clinical terminology.]

    Highly suspect! The man has a way with words, though. Not bad looking, good job and a EU passport.

    He makes “a light Victoria sponge” too. Whatever that is. Never mind the burping and farting…

  • Dominic

    Just an observation – but it’s almost always the dopey looking guys that are cured from being gay. :) – Ok – now seriously, pain and disappointment can lead people to make some pretty rash and impulsive decisions. He is on his own path and journey, and if he’s honest with himself, I’m sure he will eventually find happiness – regardless of who sleeps at his side.

  • Michelle

    I have no comment on his gay to straight “transformation”, but titling this article with “He Diddled School Boys..” is gratuitous and misleading. I think most readers would infer from that that he is a pedophile, when in fact he was describing his initial pubescent sexual experiences. I guess it works to get page hits but it’s a pretty shitty way to go about it.

  • OnCloud9

    Who here loves to burp and fart?

  • Nick

    Someone whose “bi” is a fag that sometimes fucks women.

  • Grgg

    Ok,just because I burp and fart and prefer Bette to Babs, then I’m STRAIGHT?????


  • JoeyB

    No.20, Umm, Grgg, if yo prefer Bette to Babs, you can’t be straight.
    Oh, and by the way, I too burp and fart.

  • Dame Helga von ornstein

    Seven years ago I stopped hitting the bars because I knew I had to concentrate more on saving money so I am really not up on who is on the “Who’s Who” list of the gay community. Can someone please tell me who this person is that I should even care about his life and sexual adventures? With the economy being the way it is he sounds more like a dime a dozen gay pilot with nothing new to tell that we already haven’t heard.

    This story reminds me of a gay writers fair I attended last year here in NYC. Many of them (about 80% believe it or not) had written about nothing else but their lives and could not figure out why no one in the audience cared. The thought that it “might” sound familiar never occurred to them and you could see the frustration on all of their faces at this realization.

    One author got so frustrated that no one was “buying” his story he got up from his table, walked over to the podium and literally took over the microphone after all had spoke and did not shut up until the power was turned off. It got a little scary as he cursed loudly while walking back to his table and began THROWING his books back into the boxes (he brought 6 nice sized boxes that had to hold at least 10 books apiece) and stormed out of the building.

    I am pretty sure he drove back over to Pa and is sitting in his house filled with guns waiting for his “marching” orders since there is nothing else in his life but his story.

    I don’t understand why we are suppose to care about this man and his story but thanks for running it anyway because now I know those self centered A-Holes that attended that writers fair are not the only ones with self-absorbed problems. People, if you feel this way and really need someone to listen to you and your babbling use your health insurance (if you still have it) and get some professional help.

  • The Artist

    This IS an important story. Why? Because people are buying into the fact that they should hate themselves and this is base on who they are sexually attracted to. IGNORANCE! This is actually a sad story. I’m sad for him and sad for the world that we live in. PEACELUVNBWILDYALL!

  • Ankhorite


    Wrong. Certainly wrong about bi men.

    Did you intend your definition to apply to bi women, too?

Comments are closed.