BAD LOVE

Hell Hath No Fury: Ex-Boyfriend Revenge Plots You Should Never Try At Home

Love can drive a person to act in crazy ways. And heartbreak can drive them to act in even crazier ways.

A California man was recently arrested for hacking into his ex-boyfriend’s work email and sending nudie pics of the public school teacher to over 200 of his students and colleagues. He’s now been charged with identity theft, sending obscene matter, and impersonating his ex.

Dreaming up elaborate revenge plots against a bad ex can be a cathartic way to spend a lonely Saturday night, but it doesn’t mean you should actually act on those fantasies.

Just in case your heart’s been recently broken, here are ten ex-boyfriend revenge schemes you should never try at home:

Screen Shot 2014-11-06 at 3.43.16 PM

Send him a box of poop.

ShitExpress delivers feces to anyone, anytime, anywhere. And all for the low, low price of just $16.95.

blue-springs-2

Donate his entire wardrobe to Goodwill.

Then send him a text while he’s at work telling him what you just did.

herpesfish

Sign him up for various dating services, porn sites, and junk email lists.

Just don’t get caught like this cute cop did.

amazon-warehouse-02

Log into his Amazon account and order a bunch of random shit.

Enema bulbs. Anal beads. Bronze Jesus figurines. You name it…

And if you really want to cause trouble, have it all sent to different addresses.

bigstockphoto_woman-with-mobile_25254113

“Accidentally” forward those x-rated pics you took together to his grandma.

Just be sure you only include the ones that show his face.

crop380w_black_man_working_on_computer

Better yet, post them to his Facebook page.

Then tag his entire family.

cell-phone-dark-ftr

Harass him with late night automated nuisance phone calls.

Click here to learn more.

transportation and vehicle concept - man drinking coffee while d

Put laxatives in his coffee.

And wave goodbye to him from the front doorstep as he heads out into morning rush hour.

choosing-a-domain-name

Register his name as a domain.

Then create a website airing all your grievances about him.

Screen shot 2014-11-06 at 1.02.09 PM

Send him a slice of your skin…

…like this totally sane, totally rational lady did.

DISCLAIMER: We’re just kidding! Obviously, you should never do any of these things. Doing so could get you arrested, or sued, or both. If this happens, it’s you’re own damn fault, so don’t blame us.

Related stories:

Scorned Ex-Boyfriend Emails Nude Photos Of Teacher To 250 Of His Students

Eleven Hilariously Shallow Reasons To Break Up With Your Boyfriend

He Said, He Said: How To Survive A High Profile Gay Break-Up

Graham Gremore is a columnist and contributor for Queerty and Life of the Law. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.