Opposites don't attract

Help! I’m a kind, gentle, open-minded straight guy, but my girlfriend’s a total homophobe


Here’s a narrative you don’t hear every day. A straight man is struggling with how to handle his girlfriend’s homophobia, so he’s asking Dear Abby for help.

“I have been dating a wonderful girl for about seven months,” his letter begins. “She’s sweet, kind, extraordinarily talented, and we treat each other wonderfully. Everything has been great, with the occasional disagreement.”

Related: Double Ouch: His Girlfriend Cheated On Him — Because She Thinks He’s Gay.

There’s just one problem.

“I’m starting to notice that she seems to be homophobic,” the man says. He explains that he was raised in a “liberal, open-minded home” but his girlfriend’s was “much more conservative.”

“She never met a homosexual until college,” he writes. “She has talked about feeling uncomfortable with two men kissing or talking about being intimate. … When I tell her that I support marriage equality and the LGBTQ community, she gets very quiet and uneasy.”

“I don’t know if I can be with someone who’s this uncomfortable about homosexuality,” he says. “What do you think I should do?”

Related: Help! My Girlfriend Is Convinced I’m Gay After I Made This Request In Bed

Well, Abby isn’t having any of this girlfriend’s homophobic foolishness.

“She may be a wonderful girl,” she responds, “but whether you are wonderful for each other is open to question.”

“Try to project ahead,” she continues. “If the two of you were to marry and she was unable to overcome her aversion to gay people, to what extent would it limit your ability to interact with them? Or their ability to have a relationship with you?”

Ultimately, Abby says, “if she’s able to evolve with more exposure. If she’s not, then she may not be the one for you.”

Related: Straight Man Upset His Girlfriend Won’t Explore His Back Door, Seeks Help From Others

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  • Low Country Boy

    Dump her. He deserves better than that. Find the woman of your dreams and have a great life.

  • crowebobby

    He might considering how she’d act if they ended up with a gay son.

  • DMRX

    @crowebobby: I was thinking the same thing, as I did when I originally read it in Dear Abby. I definitely think he should ask her that question directly — among many others. It doesn’t seem that they have great communication, as he’s only now “starting to notice that she seems to be homophobic.”

  • Brian-E

    @DMRX: Yes, agreed, though it’s also well known that when you are in love with someone you fail to see their faults until the limerence period subsides, which takes months. So in that light it’s not really surprising that he’s just starting to notice the homophobia.

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