Here’s The Incredibly Awkward Raw Footage Ted Cruz Doesn’t Want You To See

Last week, Ted Cruz’s presidential campaign gave us all a good laugh with a cartoon version of the antigay candidate that looked absolutely nothing like him.

Let’s review…





“Nothing from camp Cruz could possibly be more awkward than this,” we foolishly thought.

Thanks to a goofy campaign finance law loophole that allow candidates to pass on footage to their Super PACs via hidden-in-plain-sight YouTube accounts, Cruz’s team uploaded a staggering 16 hours of raw footage of Cruz and his family for the PACs to peruse at their leisure.

Luckily,Ā Gawker browsed through all the footage to come up with this cringe-inducing highlight reel.

Let the advanced-level awkwardness commence:

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  • Travis Borger

    I think the local hooker down the road has a public hair that’s more competent.

  • Eddie Poole-Boccio

    Has he ever heard of shower, shampoo, and skin scrub?

  • Bill Mountrey

    There is NOTHING honest about Theodoro Rafael Cruz. Except his love of Fidel Castro.

  • sfprman

    Cruz’s father is a refugee terrorist.

  • Kenneth Myrnes

    The candidates this time are just scary!

  • Alexander R. Rodriguez

    I wonder how far San Berdandino is from WeHo to OBSESS over Ted Cruz. Christian bigots….

  • Dillon Vossen

    does he try to look like a douche….?

  • Brian

    Ted Cruz looks as if he wears eyeliner.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    ew, bug in a jar fodder! Who was the overweight gay guy on the couch? Why was that gal vomiting off camera? Why was everything neutral colors? Loved his water glasses, but the child’s plate had way too much food piled onto it. How are these women sucked into their spiel? When is this clown floating off into oblivion? Why did Alistair Wiseman work so hard to defend this nothing-burger? Are his brood of offspring haters too? I bet his dentist doesn’t like what is seen on his molars. The man must have headaches. ew.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    My spouse clicked on “Ted Cruz Gawker” and found hilarious comments and bits-n-bobs about this geek. This one about his logo being an upside down burning American flag had us holding our sides. One guy wrote, “Well, the candidate himself looks like a weasel trapped in a scrotum…so, this comes as no surprise.” To which someone replied, “Hey! That’s completely uncalled for and just plain mean! Why are you picking on weasels?”

  • martinbakman

    @Dillon Vossen: No, he’s a natural.

  • o.codone

    nobody gives a sh it about ted cruz. but that kid was cute. probably underage, but give it a few years and i’d vote for the kid. i’m sure he’s very intellectual. with a big, fat mind.

  • Andre Blanc

    Okay, I made it 15 seconds before the awkward forced me out. Ewwww

  • Brian JC Kneeland

    he is also a religious extremist – another word for Terrorist!

  • Stuart Senften

    tHIS fucker looks like a Circus Clown…No Makeup Needed!!

  • tricky ricky

    I liked the part where his niece said she considered her Uncle Ted to be her best friend almost and her brother gave her the are you fukin’ nuts look.

    this is my second attempt to post this comment as queerty told me to slow down I’m posting too fast despite the fact I haven’t commented on anything in a couple of weeks.

  • Carlos Zuniga

    OMG, This man is faker than Trump’s hair! LOL

  • Kal Andrews

    Dysfunction Junction

  • Giancarlo85

    @Alexander R. Rodriguez: Do you always have something incredibly stupid and insensitive to say? You really prove republican stupidity. They still think removing Saddam Hussein was a good thing. Keep supporying a party that would rather see you under ground.

  • scotty

    the rod up that guys ass , has a rod up its ass.

  • Alistair Wiseman


    You stated, “Why did Alistair Wiseman work so hard to defend this nothing-burger?”

    Do tell. How did I “work so hard to defend this nothing-burger”? News to me. Please let me know. Quotes please, not your jaded, lying spin. Thanks

  • Realitycheck

    Couldn’t take it, will I be able to have breakfast this morning?
    What a revolting and ugly family.

  • BJ McFrisky

    If this is what passes for political passion in lefty gay circles, then it’s no wonder all you have going for you is Hillary Clinton.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Such a short memory, Alistair Wiseman. Now that your Cruz Control has gone off of the deep end, you want to scrape the slime off of your cover-alls. Back in August you defended Ted Cruz and his anti-gay rhetoric to the hilt. What twaddle. You should just listen to us to avoid these embarrassing mishaps. We went back and forth for three days. Ted Cruz, wow. What a turd-blossom. All of the GOP candidates are incapable and that’s why it’s necessary to stir up fear to garner votes for your pathetic party. The economy has improved since the Republicans were slammed back into submission. People are buying products again, buying houses again, holding jobs again. Bush was an absolute nightmare and yet the “spin” you keep blurting out is how good the Republicans are for our country. Did you just fall off of a turnip truck?

  • Jimmy Shumsky

    Creepy and uncomfortable

  • Bad Ass Biker

    And what will they all say when Ted is caught with a bofriend or a rent boy?

  • Michael1500

    I’m a lawyer/judge from Cruz’ home state of Texas, and I’ve been very interested and active in politics for over fifty years. Of all all the politicians—both local and national—- I’ve seen, known and observed over the years, Ted Cruz, in summation, is THE WORST. He is the sleaziest, most opportune political whore I’ve ever run across. I’ve never seen a more insincere hypocrite. His shallowness just radiates through those beady eyes and that weak chin. He really does remind me of that crazy tele-evangelist Robert Tilton (also from Texas—we can sure grow ’em) as they are both unabashed, desperate whores for their respective causes.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Dear lawyer/judge from Cruz’ home state of Texas,

    You’re a good judge of character!

    Alistair Wiseman will find a way to banter back and forth for three whole days with you, when he’s done worshipping Joe Smith at his nefarious temple. I’d like to stick around, but I’ve got to go study. Four hour dog walks, Rachel Maddow online, and emails will not help me pass this test next week.

    I demand that you tell us more about the GOP’s second in line. Also, how does a turd-blossom such as this get elected to anything?

  • James

    I made it through 15 seconds but he is so hideous and such a loser that I quit watching. Who even wants to see that ugly freak do anything. I just hope he dies.

  • Alistair Wiseman


    Love my quotes!!!

    You did exactly what I thought you would do. I asked for my actual quotes on Ted Cruz and either you can’t find any or my quotes don’t “defend” Ted Cruz.

    Such a good leftist. Keep up the consistent work.

  • Bad Ass Biker

    @Stephen Meeks: I am with you.

  • Dakotahgeo

    This creature is a perfect example of why we cannot allow a religious extremist anywhere near government politics! Back to Canada or Cuba, or wherever with Cruzer!

  • captainburrito

    I love how they fed Ted Cruz lines that even he felt were too cheesy and he ignored them. lol

  • robho3

    That man gives me the creeps — if he is the republican candidate we can be assured a democratic victory in 2016.

  • onthemark

    @Alistair Wiseman: Okay. I asked you recently WHICH of these anti-gay lunatics you wanted to see win the Republican nomination, and you helpfully replied that you hadn’t decided yet. So maybe you haven’t said anything nice about Ted Cruz… yet.

    Do let us know when you decide!

  • David Bolton

    “Almost my best friend.”

    I’ll have to remember that.

  • Giancarlo85

    @Alistair Wiseman: Hey tool… glad to see you’re back on here posting your feeble dipshit defenses of republicans. That’s what you do as a good drone. It’s funny seeing someone like you… you’re not in control of anything you say. You’re nothing more than a puppet.

    @Alistair Wiseman: Yet you always manage to show your stupid face on here to defend what any republicans have done. You are a huge conservative… and it shows in the stupidity of your comments.

    You conservatives and all those on the right are nothing more than a bunch of anti-American, anti-gay, and anti-democratic sleazebags.

    You’ll support whatever republican wins the nomination so stop bullshiting us about “oh I haven’t decided yet”.

  • Vivienne Warner

    Sorry could not watch all of it, cringe cringe

  • onthemark

    “I would rather have anybody else be president of the United States. Anyone. I would rather pick somebody from the phone book.” – Craig Mazin, freshman roommate of Ted Cruz at Princeton

    “He’s pretty much done for and stifled [in the Senate], and it’s really because of personal relationships, or lack of personal relationships, and that’s a problem.” – Sen. Rand Paul

    When asked once about Ted Cruz, ex-Speaker Boehner said nothing and raised a middle finger.

    “Wacko bird” – Sen. John McCain

    “I just don’t like the guy.” – George W. Bush

    “Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz? It just saves time.” – unnamed Republican senator, off the record

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Google some of the tweets Craig Mazin writes about Ted Cruz. Hilarious. Everyone describes Ted Cruz as, “Creepy.” He really is so disliked by his college dorm-mates and Republicans alike. Yet, in his three day defense of this turd-blossom, Alistair Wiseman said, “Separation of church and state is not part of the Constitution.” They deserve each other. Got’s to go study. Happy Queertying!

    Hey, Alistair, Joe Smith says you’ve been very distracted as of late. Perhaps the 10 dollars an hour for fanning out over the net for K-bros is stealing precious time away from your cult. Scientology isn’t such a bad gig. Maybe you ought to make the big leap. At least you can rub elbows with celebrities while dabbling in archaeologically unfounded machinations of a mad man. Oh, yes, I know, you have to go to the gym and then meet your, “Hot, Latino boy friend.” Can we say, “mmmm…mmm…morman! cough-cough, sputter, sniff, cough.” blah!

  • Giancarlo85

    @onthemark: I would pick up the raving homeless man on the street to be President over Ted Cruz. The raving homeless man is more sane.

    @1EqualityUSA: Alistair has absolutely ZERO respect of the Constitution and the Courts that have established a high wall of separation of Church and State. Alistair doesn’t give two shits about democracy or this country. He thinks religion should be forced onto people through government policy. He’s a big blabbering idiot.

  • OhHellNo

    Nice try, cameramen and director, but not even making Ted Cruz look like a flaming queen will get him my vote. Thanks for playing.

  • youarekiddingme

    @Alistair Wiseman: Alistair…Remember how you DEFENDED Teddy Boy when he spoke at the Fire Island restaurant center a few months back? Remember so many of us attacking the gay owner of the facility for hosting the Cruz event? You Adamantly Defended the event, the owner and Cruz and said it was an event in support of Israel and therefore should be disregarded as a slap in the face to the LGBTQ Community as a whole?

    Remember also when we had our last little debate and you couldn’t understand my statements to you about not throwing stones and how did your ancestors get here? Did they flee tyranny? Remember that? Since you supported Cruz and his little (election) fund raiser event at Fire Island (because of one of the topics he spoke about), how do you like Teddy’s stance on Immigration? Huh? Hypocrite Much? That son of a bitch ran from Cuba and Castro…sound familiar? Ran from tyranny too huh? Your family and his, yet he holds his middle finger up to immigration with the rest of the republican party!!!

    Of course, there’s his stance on LGBTQ Rights but hey, you never worried about that with the repubs anyway right? Have you “decided” on which repub candidate you’re voting for? Can’t wait to hear…

    Here’s the idiot’s stance on immigration..what a door knob!

  • Alistair Wiseman


    While you are taking a break from “studying” and riveting us with another failed and lame attempt at humor, perhaps you can back up your accusation about what I have said about Ted Cruz.

    I previously asked you for my quotes regarding Ted Cruz. Still no word. How about you post the quotes or issue an apology for an accusation that you cannot substantiate. Instead of sorry attempts at failed humor, how about an attempt at honesty, truthfulness and accuracy? Just baby steps though, I wouldn’t want you to break a sweat.

    I’m not sure what the separation of church and state, Ted Cruz and I had to do with the discussion, but somehow you managed to work it in there. Still reeling from finding out the liberal mantra of separation of church and state is not in the U.S. Constitution and is just another liberal lie? No worries, you lefties have done a bang up job of having suckers believe another one of your leftist lies.

    Still waiting on those quotes. Remember…baby steps.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    How about you go back to Cruz and read it yourself blowhard? Angel Maroni is less of a blowhard than you.

  • Giancarlo85

    @Alistair Wiseman: Sorry, but you are wrong about the Constitution. And the Courts are established as a branch of government through the constitution. This is not a Christian country and you have no right to force your religious beliefs onto others. You believe right wing lies and myths. The separation of church and state is not a left wing liberal lie. Get over yourself. You do not know anything about the Constitution or the law.

    We get it though. You think there should be no separation and government should push religious laws. You are as stupid as it comes.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    While I was scooping the cat box this morning, Republicans came to mind. What if the Koch brothers we’re really progressive Democrats, sabotaging the GOP with utter loons? Wouldn’t that be the cat’s meow.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Here, Alistair, I’ll get this one for you, “They’re” [sic] You’re damned right they’re sic. Sic puppies, they are, so sic.

  • Dakotahgeo

    @Giancarlo85: Regarding ‘ol Alistair, THANK YOU!! Alistair is not the brightest light bulb in the Chandelier of Intelligence! We must pity him!

  • Alistair Wiseman


    You stated, “While I was scooping the cat box this morning, Republicans came to mind.” Deep, profound, mature, but still no quotes or an apology. :-(

    • Dakotahgeo

      @Alistair Wiseman: You don’t need any quotes or apology! I see @ 1EqualityUSA missed a turd… you’re still here! Pity!

  • youarekiddingme

    @Dakotahgeo: No problem…he just has a problem with memory (short and longterm).

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Alistair Wiseman,

    I’ve been cranky pants this weekend. I’m sorry. I got a 92% on the test and 100% on the essay. I should have studied more and sparred less.

    Conservative one, did someone pith your frontals? Can you not see what turnips you have congregating neath the elephant’s dark shadow? As for those three days in August, spent lobbing words about, under the out-spread arms of Ted Cruz, your constant put-downs of liberals, lefties, and the few politicians we’ve chosen in our quest for equality, indicate that you are pro-Republican. Your voluminous utterances are pro-Republican. You shifty shape-shifter, you. No wonder the K bros hit up your cult for “web” detail, you all really have the “hard sell” down pat. Almost worthy of study.

    Wouldn’t it be amazing if the koch bros were progressives, mucking up your GOP party beyond recognition, in a grand scheme to render the Republicans flaccid and obsolete? This GOP disaster, unfolding as some garish example of ineptitude, cannot respectively ring your bell, now, can they? Three days you spent. Ted’s three-day-old, cheap deodorant was starting to taint. Three days, filled with pain and sorrow, you wouldn’t stop yammering. Unless you were getting paid $10.00 hourly to troll your Master’s prescribed message, taking on liberals, lefties, and queers, were you not invested in your message? The fate of your dire and pitiable Tedious Right seems anemic and grim. The lowest was participating in the fear and hate mongering. That one was beneath you. Garner votes and sway the sway-able with a plan and vision. Your candidates have neither. Are you still undecided? Who do you want? Argue your points in nuanced manner, defying others to quote you, your message is all too clear. These sneaky-monkey maneuvers must be taught in some church basement somewhere.

  • youarekiddingme

    @Alistair Wiseman: Alistair……Still waiting on a response to my post above. How bout answering the questions I posed to YOU? Instead, you worried about the levity of 1EqualityUSA statement made about cat shit… Address the questions I posed to you (btw, I posed several of them on a previous thread as well)…with no response either.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    “Levity.” Fun word, youarekiddingme. Levity, sort of like a protein drink that makes one laugh derisively at political buffoons. Alistain disappears when you call him on his mischief.

  • Giancarlo85

    Little Alistair didn’t respond to my latest challenge… pretty typical. He has no defense. Typical of a right wing blowhard with no real basis to anything he says.

    • Dakotahgeo

      @Giancarlo85: Giancarlo85
      “Little Alistair didnā€™t respond to my latest challengeā€¦ pretty typical. He has no defense. Typical of a right wing blowhard with no real basis to anything he says.”

      Actually, I am amazed but not surprised that Allspice Alistair and his cohorts even open their traps after the tremendous, offensive faux pas from tRUMP yesterday. tRUMP may just usher in the Democrat President AND the House and Senate into Democrats’ hands next November. Unbelievably disgusting man, that tRUMP

  • youarekiddingme

    @1EqualityUSA: @Giancarlo85: I think his little pussy got smacked and now he’s done again for a while…until his little “thing” gets tickle then he’ll make some dumbass remark about “leftists” or some such bullshit!

  • Alistair Wiseman


    Congratulations on your test scores! 92% is still above average. 100% on your essay is amazing! Actually, one of the reasons I post on Queerty is to sharpen/strengthen my writing skills.

    You stated in part, “…your constant put-downs of liberals, lefties, and the few politicians we’ve chosen in our quest for equality, indicate that you are pro-Republican.” That is not entirely true. Let me explain.

    I don’t believe I have ever identified as a being a Republican on these Queerty posts. I’ll let you in on a little secret. As Dennis Prager states, “There are two main political parties, the Stupid Party (Republican) and the Dangerous Party (Democratic).” Dennis and I vote for the Stupid Party (and ironically, both used to be members of the Dangerous Party). If I had to identify my political leanings, I would say that I am a conservative with small “l” libertarian leanings. I generally don’t say that I am a Republican (even though I am registered as one). Why? Because of the stupid things individual Republicans do and say. It just so happens that the Republican party fits best with my values (as the Democratic party used to fit with my values of my youth).

    Happy? My little early Christmas present to you. :-)

    P.S. As for all your (and others) rants and speculation about my gay authenticity, out and proud since 1984 when I came out to my Mom, Dad and Grandma on my 20th birthday. :-)

  • Alistair Wiseman


    “Write to me! Write to me!”

    Okay, youarekiddingme. I didn’t realize I was so (un)popular on Queerty. :-)

    First, you want to know about Ted Cruz. You stated that I, “DEFENDED Teddy Boy when he spoke at the Fire Island restaurant center a few months back.” Well, Mati Weiderpass and Ian Reisner hosted a meeting at their Manhattan penthouse for Cruz. Is that what you are referring to? As the uber-left The Nation reported, that “the meeting, the introduction to the donor (Sam Domb), Reisner’s own short-lived campaign donation were predicated on one issue: Israel.” If explaining what the meeting was regarding implies “DEFENDING” Ted Cruz, I would say English comprehension is a problem. Considering the anti-Semitism that exists within the Democratic party, perhaps Israel was the bigger issue.

    Bottom line: I have asked for my quotes three times? Four times? What do I get? People blathering on about what I supposedly said. (For fun, check out the major differences in the Hanukkah wishes between Cruz and Obama.)

    To show my consistency, Queerty recently ran a piece in which they used quotation marks regarding some vile things that a pastor sermonized. I took Queerty to task for the inaccuracy and viciousness of their quotations. It was yellow journalism at its most loathsome. Again, someone with failed English comprehension, writes to me ‘how can you defend this pastor’!?! I responded ‘how did I defend the pastor?’

    What the pastor said was vile, but Queerty has a moral responsibility to tell the truth and they didn’t. However, as often happens, the truth got in the way of the liberal narrative.

  • Alistair Wiseman


    What are you rambling about on immigration? Do you have a point? Sometimes it is hard to tell.

    What does my family’s immigration history have to do with Ted Cruz? “Did they flee tyranny?” How the hell should I know. The immigration in my family happened in the 1700 and 1800’s. Considering they were white, Anglo-Saxon protestants from Europe, I would probably say they did not flee “tyranny”. I assume they came here for the generous welfare state. :-)

    I read your attached link about Cruz on immigration. And? Do you have a point? Why didn’t you link his stand to immigration from his campaign website? It’s all there. Why the middle-man? Strange.

    What is it about his stance on immigration that you don’t like? Is it a riddle? Am I supposed to guess? Is your problem when he writes on his website: “We must continue to welcome and celebrate legal immigrants. For centuries, our country has been a beacon of freedom for people around the globe. And it is the promise of America, and the people she has drawn to her shores since her founding, that have made this nation the greatest engine for growth and opportunity that the world has ever seen”?

    The horrors!!!

    You stated, “That son of a bitch ran from Cuba and Castro…sound familiar? Ran from tyranny too huh? Your family and his, yet he holds his middle finger up to immigration with the rest of the republican party!!!”

    What are you talking about? Ted Cruz never lived in Cuba, how can he run from it? Explain to me how he “holds his middle finger up to immigration with the rest of the republican party”? I linked his stance on immigration, so please explain it to me. (This should be good.)

    As for his father, Rafael Cruz had fought for Fidel Castro in the early stages of the Cuban Revolution. His dad fled the Bautista regime in Cuba in 1957, nearly two years before Castro forces succeeded in overthrowing the Bautista dictatorship.

    Rafael Cruz eventually turned against Castro when he realized the revolutionary leader was a serious [email protected] who nationalized virtually every private business on the island and expropriated U.S. and other foreign-owned property.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Alistair, The stupid party stands to replace four justices on the Supreme Court in the next round. What could be more dangerous than creating an imbalance, a vacuum in the Middle East, with Arabs filling in that vacuum? When Bush bumbled his way through Iraq, he left a hole, only to be spackled by extremists, or those who fund them. That is dangerous. You cannot possibly want Ted Cruz in the oval office…or Trump…or that baby-faced guy from Florida, who used all kinds of services offered to help himself through school, only to cut them, once he’d emerged from the swamp, you know, the liver-lipped tantrum-boy who thinks the Senate is beneath him. You cannot possibly think Scalia was good for the U.S. can you?

    When you say disparaging things about Democrats, is it an attempt to influence gays into voting for Republicans? If you can’t stand lefties, why do you spend an inordinate amount of time on a queer site? Are you to disappear as soon as the election is over? Are you being paid to do this? Are you a Mormon? You carry on as though you are a hard-sell Mormon who won’t leave one’s doorstep.
    In summary:
    #1) What could be more dangerous than Bush? (Cheney)
    #2) Which Republican candidate is worthy of your efforts?
    #3) Do you think Scalia is healthy for our Nation’s system of checks and balances?
    #4) Are you attempting to influence gays into voting Republican?
    #5) Why are you here, if you can’t stand lefties?
    #6) Are you or have you been a Mormon? (I just want to know if I’m right on this one.) They argue in weird ways, saying things without really saying things. The unquotables…Eliot Ness music… Do they teach that odd skill in the basement of some church? This is a two-part question.

  • youarekiddingme

    @Alistair Wiseman: Alistair,

    I did write to you, I did write to you…you didn’t respond!!! Ok, Mr. Rainman the dinner for Cruz was held in NY (another of the Reisner/Weiderpass properties). I think you know damn well what I was referring to. If you like, however, I will call you out on such matters in the future if you wish to play games and stray from the point? I can also point out errors on punctuation, grammar and capitalizaion (as well as spelling) if you wish to be an infant about it?

    Now, back to the point shall we Alistair. Aniti-semitism has NOTHING to do with the article or responses to it. It had everything to do with a rich kid who wined and dined a queer-hating repub candidate for POTUS and then gave him the max campaign contribution allowed by law. When confronted about the covert meeting, Reisner shoots off the reply about “Israel” (no one will ever know if that was the truth now will we)? When confronted about contributions…he says NO. Later confronted with facts, he admits yes, apologizes and eventually gets the contribution back. Now, check that for accuracy.

    Now, Alistair your boys support/ed Cruz. Gave him money. Listened to him speak. That’s support.

    As far as your previous comments about Teddy…you’ve voiced your comments in the past (no I won’t waste my time looking them up). As for others and their comments/posts…I don’t care…ask them!

    BTW…You are THAT UNPOPULAR on this site!

  • youarekiddingme

    @Alistair Wiseman: In response to your 2nd post….

    Busllshit and Bullshit!

    Believe daddy Cruz if you want! You are more gullible than I thought.

    Which is it Alistair…you can’t keep your lies straight about who YOU even are from day-to-day.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Dakotageo, If what you say pans out, we need to jump all over the Supreme Court. That’s imperative. Gerrymandering and voter suppression, in either direction, is wrong and needs to go away.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Alistair, speak to me, buddy…how many fingers am I holding up? yes! One! Can you tell me which one? (poof) he’s gone, boys…flatline….deprived of oxygen…ahh….no heart….how could this be? oh, Republican! See the medical alert band…Yes, anatomically makes sense now.

  • ptseti

    I feel sick. I think i am about to vomit

  • olfwob

    where did i see this guy befor… wait… yes, he and his wife looks like the crazy reverend and his wife from true life.

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