touched by the lord

Hetero Priests Just As Likely to Molest Kids as Gay Priests!

preistboy

Join us in writing some alternative headlines for this riveting discovery: “A preliminary report commissioned by the nation’s Roman Catholic bishops to investigate the clergy sex abuse scandal has found no evidence that gay priests are more likely than heterosexual clergy to molest children, the lead authors of the study said Tuesday. The full report by researchers at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice won’t be completed until the end of next year. But the authors said their evidence to date found no data indicating that homosexuality was a predictor of abuse.”

How about:

→ Turns Out Child Molesting Is Not an Immutable Characteristic
→ Straight Priests Want to Stick Wafers, Etc. In Kids’ Mouths, Too
→ Like Helping the Poor, Gay and Straight Priests Want to Touch Everybody
→ Parents: Don’t Let Straight Priests Come Near Your Child
→ The Vatican Is Gonna Be Pissed!

Your turn!