Hitler Was 1:7 Part Gay, Marco Rubio Loves Foam Parties, Study Links Anal Sex To Incontinence & More

A new study has found a link between anal sex and incontinence, but it’s not as bad as you might think. Rumors that Adolf Hilter was either a little gay or a lot bisexual sparked a debate over same-sex marriage in Ireland. And alleged photos of shirtless Sen. Marco Rubio at a gay foam party in Miami emerged online. These are just a few of the wild, wonky, weird ass news stories that circulated this first week of February in the year 2016.

Scroll down for some of the most bizarro gayish new stories of the week…

City worker busted for allegedly running one-man prostitution ring while on the job


A city worker in Chattanooga is suspected of using his department-issued phone, computer and vehicle to pimp himself out to guys on Craigslist, giving new meaning to working the night shift. Public Works employee Sherman Higdon has been placed on administrative leave while the investigates. Your taxpayer dollars at work.

Married dentist accused of molesting anaesthetized male patient

Screen Shot 2016-02-04 at 1.25.20 PM

Just in case you needed further evidence that all dentists are creepy and evil (kidding!), 43-year-old, married father of six Bilal Ahmed was charged with first-degree sexual assault after a male patient accused him of knocking him out with laughing gas then forcing him to perform oral sex while sedated. A court hearing is scheduled for February 17.

Report claims Adolf Hitler was “7:1 homosexual or 8:0 bisexual”

Screen Shot 2016-02-04 at 3.22.41 PM

flyer opposing same-sex marriage circulated in Ireland claiming Adolf Hitler was “7:1 homosexual or 8:0 bisexual” and “used his homosexual formation, the SS, to commit almost the whole Holocaust.” Therefore, the flyer argues, marriage equality must be banned immediately. Or something.

Mennonite pastor comes out as gay, celebrates by staying married to a woman


Mennonite pastor Pieter Niemeyer and his wife of 20 years, Sue, announced that they will stay married despite Pieter coming out publicly on the show Daily XTRA. “My being a gay man and having sexual attraction is what it is,” Niemeyer said, “but everybody navigates their sexual attraction in honor of whatever relationships they are in.” Even, evidently, non-sexual marriages.

Father of three regrets tattooing giant penis on his leg, says it makes him feel gay


34-year-old married father of three Stuart Valentino says the crude figure he tattooed on his leg in a drunken stupor is ruining his sex life. “When you look down there is another penis staring at us,” he said on an episode of Bodyshockers in the U.K. “It is like having an unwanted threesome. I don’t think life will be the same until it is gone!” Moral of the story: Never keep your tattoo gun and your booze in the same place.

New study links anal sex t0 increased risk of incontinence


national health survey published in the American Journal of Gastroenterology finds that nearly 12 percent of men who reported having anal sex with other men also suffer from incontinence, compared with about 5 percent of men who did not. But don’t worry, guys. After interviewing over 6,100 adults, researchers determined that anal sex alone probably doesn’t cause incontinence (phew!). But they urged refraining from the behavior if experiencing pain or blood (duh!).

Sen. Marco Rubio “outed” for attending gay Miami foam party in the ’90s


In the phony scandal of the week, The Public Intelligence Blog reported photographic evidence of Sen. Marco Rubio enjoying himself at a gay foam party in Miami back in the ’90s. See the dude on the right whose identifying features are being completely covered up by that other dude just below him? That, according to The Public Intelligence Blog, is the third place winner in the 2016 Republican Iowa Caucus, and a man with a great chance to be the next president of the United States.

In the mood for more? Check out last week’s most bizarro gayish news stories.