Holy Gay Hypocrite Admits Buying Meth

You may have heard that Mike Jones, the rent boy who claims to have had a three-year relationship with Ted Haggard, failed his lie-detector test this morning (a failure the administrator of the test says may be a result of stress), but as the scandal unfolds, Haggard’s grown more forth-coming with the so-called “truth”.
ABC News reports:

Evangelist Ted Haggard admitted Friday that he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the outspoken gay marriage opponent.

Though Haggard admits he bought the meth, he insists he didn’t use it. “I bought it for myself but never used it. I was tempted, but I never used it.”

Right, because who doesn’t spend $200 on drugs they’re not going to use? We actually just bought a grand’s worth of smack to use as a paper-weight. Oh, and we also just called a hooker to rub our sore feet. He’s going to be naked and lubed up, but we’re not going to touch him.